JIYONG

Two days in and Clara is still the same. She’s asleep most of the time. I can only count by my fingers the hours she’s awake, and when she is, she’s zoned out or just observing her surroundings. I catch her staring at me sometimes, and it never fails to make my heart skip a beat. Whenever she looks at me, it’s like she’s trying to tell me something she cannot express in words. I’m dying to know what’s on her mind, but she just wouldn’t talk no matter how I many times I ask her. Also, she’s eating on her own now, though not huge portions, at least she can take in food already.

“Jiyong” Railey called out from the living room.

Daryl and I are watching Clara eat breakfast. She’s almost done with her clubhouse sandwich, that her best friends made for her. “Go check Railey. I got your wife” Daryl winked and replaced me beside Clara.

Seriously, Railey and Daryl are the ultimate champions. They never left Clara’s side. They know what she needs even without her talking. Their sisterhood is something I’m always thankful for, because if my wife doesn’t have her two girls with her, I’m sure she’s not going to be able to enjoy life as much.

“Dr. Cho already sent Clara’s psychiatric report” Railey handed me her laptop, “I’ll just check on the girls” then left.

Yesterday, I decided to have Clara be checked by our most trusted psychiatrist, Dr. Cho. She’s been helping us with our mental health for a very long time now.

It says here that, Clara has Situational Depression caused by stressful events, particularly, relationship and marital problems, and previous life events such as life or death experiences (she’s had her own fair share of these moments in the past), as well as situational changes.

It also says here that you are in high risk of getting this specific kind of depression if your previous life experiences affect the way you deal with stress. Also, when several difficult circumstances occurring at the same time.

Symptoms appear after you experience a stressful event or series of events. This is very much applicable to Clara, for she went down right after that dreaded night.

Treatment can help a person diagnosed with it to cope better with stressful events. Medications are also to be given. Psychotherapy is generally the preferred treatment to help enhance coping mechanisms and resilience.

The best form of therapy in cases like this is called, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – a short term approach, that often requires only up to twenty sessions. It modifies thought patterns to help change moods and behaviors. ‘CBT’ as they call it, is a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy. This involves developing more balanced and constructive ways to respond to stressors.

So, we’re really up for some challenge. Good thing, I decided on having her checked right away, because I don’t know what more will happen if we just let her the way she is. Now that we know what’s going on with her, we can start the journey to making her well again. This might be a bumpy ride, not just for Clara, but for our whole family too. Yes, it’s hard to see your beloved locked up in her mind and being played by it. I know my wife, it will not take long until she gets better. The fighter in her might’ve taken its much-needed rest for the meantime, but it will awake soon.

After reading everything, I went to the girls to break the heartbreaking news. As expected, they were emotional. Railey kept crying. Daryl, on the other hand, is playing it cool even when her eyes are filling up with tears.

“So…all the bad thoughts she’s having these past few days really came from somewhere” Daryl speaks up after a long silence.

Clara has suicidal thoughts, but unlike the others, she’s quite vocal about them. It started when she wanted me to drown her in the tub. After that, a couple more, followed. There was even a time when Youngbae and Seunghyun Hyung are here, she got a hold of a steak knife while we’re having dinner, and nearly did something. Good thing, Youngbae’s reflexes are fast, he was able to snatch the knife away from her. We were all shaken. That instant, we made a decision to never leave her without supervision. Yes, even in the toilet, someone goes with her.

“We really have to keep an eye on her” Railey finally calmed down. She wiped her tears and joined the two girls in bed. My wife is now sandwiched between her two best friends, looking small compared to them, but still so beautiful.

“She’ll get therapy and medications. Hopefully, she gets better faster than expected” I am staring at Clara who seem to be listening to our conversation. “Hey, babe” I called her, and she surprisingly look my way.

Daryl, Railey and I looked at each other. This is one of the few times she reacted.

“Sis!” Railey lightly shakes her by the shoulders. She looked at her too. “You need to get better as soon as possible because Jiyong just told us that he’s giving the three of us a week-long European tour” she told her, but didn’t get any response.

“I can still remember the last time we had an all- girls trip, five years ago, we went to this strip club and went crazy with s” Daryl’s mouth is on the roll once again. She just cannot keep things in.

As a matter of fact, I don’t know about this strip club and s story. I wonder if Youngbae and Seunghyun Hyung knows about it.

As if on cue, the two of them arrived, carrying bags of food they brought from the Chois’ café. I told my members about Clara’s condition while we’re preparing the pastries, and just like their wives, they’re emotional too.

“Clara must’ve been bottling everything in for a very long time, for her to fall flat like this” Seunghyun Hyung said.

Youngbae nods in agreement, “All the while we thought she’s doing great. I guess, that’s how mothers are really programmed. They keep things in better than their husbands. They don’t want to bother anyone with their problems that they tend to solve everything on their own. Thing is, once they’re filled up, they’ll surely explode, and that explosion can turn really bad”

This is why we have to check on each other every chance we get, because we don’t know, maybe the person we checked in just want someone to talk to and care. We can save lives by simply asking people around, “How are you?”

“It is bad. In all the years Clara and I have been together, I’ve never imagined her this way. Sometimes I think, maybe I really lack so much as a husband. That I wasn’t able to detect something is wrong with her when I’m always the one with her. I should’ve felt something is going on right before things escalated” out of nowhere, my tears appeared, and I’m sobbing in front of the boys. “It’s just so hard to digest everything. I can make the impossible, possible, but…why can’t I do the same to my wife now?”

I got a lot of questions in my head. Questions that I know in time I’ll have answers too, and while waiting for them, I guess I just have to things in and continue walking in the dark tunnel I’m in, leading to the light.

The husbands and wives gang is back again. We brought Clara out to the garden with us to keep her awake, and for her to breathe fresh air too.

“Are you guys aware that these girls went to a strip club during their all-girls trip five years ago?” I asked the boys and they looked at me in confusion. “Oh, you also didn’t know? Same here” I said, and they turned to their wives.

“What?” Daryl shrugged at Youngbae. “It won’t be an all-girls trip without strip clubs” she reasoned out “After all, we only went there to…have fun”

Railey seem to be having a headache. If only she can make Daryl stop talking. “We didn’t tell you about it because we know you guys are just going to have a fit” she said. “And, it’s just for fun!”

“They had s” I am adding fuel to the fire by giving the girls out. If only Clara can react, I’m so sure she’ll whack me hard because of what I’m doing.

“Yah! How can you look at another guy when you’re already married?” Seunghyun Hyung asked.

His wife rolled her eyes at him, “As we’ve said, we’re just having fun. It’s clean…yeah…clean” she looks unsure which is funny.

Daryl laughed, “Fine! It’s not clean at all because we had butts close to our faces and you know, crotches too, but it’s all good. The just lasted for fifteen minutes”

This woman. She’s really something.

“Well, Clara lasted for two minutes only I think, and it’s all because she cannot take it. She was gagging the moment she was face to face with that stripper’s ” she continued, making all of us laugh.

“Oh ! Yes!” Railey recalled, “She told us it was the grease on his that made her gag”

Story time. This all-girls trip that the girls are talking about happened five years ago in Brazil. It’s their post birthday celebration for Clara who turned forty during that time. We, the husbands, agreed to stay behind for the sole reason that they don’t want us to come with them at all. It made a big fuss between us, but we gave in after realizing that our wives really need some time away from us. One way or the other, we know something crazy is going to happen, and that crazy is now being unveiled.

“We went on two strip clubs, you know. One with boys doing s and crazy stage stunts. The other is where girls hang on to poles and shake whatever they can shake right in front of your damn face” Daryl is spitting details one after another.

“And?” Seunghyun Hyung asked.

She sighed, “It was the biggest mistake of our lives!” she took a big bite of her croissant, “We went back to our hotel with unwanted insecurities after”

Railey laughed hard, “Yeah. That’s when we realized that our old asses are nothing compared to young ones anymore. That our s are way too low already. And our dear friend down there” she points down, “Looks haggard and stressed, and lonely, while theirs looks so good and fresh for some reason. Well, except for Clara who can basically go up the stage, do a striptease and will be given thousands of tips to go home with just because she’s got a banging body”

“There are a number of guys who are trying to hit on her. As far as I can remember, one even thought she’s only in her early thirties and made an indecent proposal, offering to pay her a hundred dollars for one night” Daryl looked at me, “And you know what your wife did?” she asked, making me look at Clara who seem clueless of what’s going on.

“What?” I asked curiously.

Railey giggled, “She pulled out her black card and told the man to buy himself whatever expensive thing he can think of”

And their crazy trip adventures continued.

Daryl snapped her fingers, “! Sis! Can you remember Clara’s no bra escapades?”

O….kay

“Ha!” Railey nudged my wife, “Who can forget? This ” she pointed at Clara, “Went braless the whole trip all because she forgot to pack them and didn’t even bother to buy some”

This is another crazy revelation. I wonder what’s going on inside Clara’s head now that she’s hearing her best girls giving out their well-kept trip secrets.

“How…” Youngbae cannot form a question.

Daryl pats him on the shoulder, “We have this nippy tape. You know, the colored ones you see on my vanity table in the morning while I’m preparing for work. That’s that”

Seunghyun Hyung looked at the girls in disbelief. “There’s such thing?” he asked.

I chuckled, “There is Hyung. Clara always uses them and is been using them ever since. She said they’re more comfortable than wearing a bra”

“No way! You know about it!” the girls were shocked.

“How can I not know when I see it before you know…before…” I can’t say it out loud but they got it.

“Oh yeah!” the girls snapped. “Don’t tell me you love ripping them off her!” Daryl’s mind is on the roll again.

“Sometimes, Daryl, sometimes” I said and it was too much information for them.

After that fun chat over pastries in the garden, we let Clara rest already, which means all of us move to our bedroom.

“I have to tell the kids about this” I told them. My mind is clouding with a lot of thoughts again.

“That’s what you need to do, Jiyong” Seunghyun Hyung said, earning nods from everybody.

“They have the right to know. Well, except for the little twins, I think they’re still too young to comprehend what’s going on, but with the big ones, they can already help, especially when in a few days you have to go back to recording again” Youngbae followed, making me sigh heavily.

“To be very honest, I don’t think I can go to work yet” I rest my head back on the chair and closed my eyes.

How can I work when all I can think about is Clara? Yes, I know that there are a lot of people more than willing to keep her company and to watch her. Thing is, I feel so uneasy whenever I’m not around her. As much as possible, I also don’t want to bother people anymore. Just take Railey and Daryl for example, these girls have been with me for days now. They are working remotely just to be with us and they don’t have much time for their kids anymore. I keep on telling them to go on with their normal lives, but they just wouldn’t budge. My members are also a big help. The four of them have been going in and out of our house to keep us company too. We pull out all-nighters sometimes to do recordings at my home studio, which is a big help because it lessens the things we’re supposed to do. We are eyeing the end of this month to finalize our recordings.

“But you have to work, Jiyong” Railey said, “Clara will definitely go ballistic once she learns that your comeback didn’t push through just because you weren’t able to deliver well”

Daryl chuckled, “Not just that! The whole world is waiting for this comeback to happen. I’m telling you, this historic comeback needs to happen! You are badly wanted and needed out there. This is a high time for you guys to soar as one again”

They got a point. My life doesn’t have to stop just because my wife’s life is on a break. Someone has to get going or else both of us are going to be stuck in this muddy road we never see coming.

Finally, after a week of not seeing my kids, I head to Dolce Vita where they are as of the moment. This is going to be one heck of a reun