Our hearts do speak and it’s magical.

As the night gets deeper, my inhibitions are slowly slipping away. I’m in his arms for quite a while now and I’m not backing away. His warmth is soothing. His touch makes my heart jump in glee. His scent makes my head swirl in a good way. He is familiar, yet unfamiliar.

“It feels so darn good to be this close to you again” his eyes are closed with his head resting back. I know he’s tired from a full day of work, but is just keeping himself up for this moment not to end yet.

I shift my position from hugging him to leaning on him, and he grabbed my arm just to wrap it around him again. “Don’t let go of me yet, please” he begged and it made me smile. “You should go to your room now and sleep”. I am staring at his beautiful face. The fan girl in me is going gaga over his flawless skin. I wonder how I manage to keep myself together whenever we’re this close.

You know, I am so curious as to how I was able to move around him back then. Like, how I kept up with my fan girl heart knowing that it’s too strong when we were just starting to build a relationship, and how I was able to erase the line between a fan and being personal. I’m sure it isn’t easy. That maybe, it took me so much time and a lot of thinking, and a very brave heart to take the leap and just get on with it.

“Just give me five minutes to recharge” G-dragon looked like he cannot move a muscle anymore.

So, I gave him his five minutes and more, and because I was able to take a nap while waiting for him to come home, the sleep monster left me and I just used the time to take him all in while he’s in deep slumber. There are times when I cannot help but to trace my finger on his face. Don’t worry, I’m doing it very gently and cautiously. This gesture of mine actually feels familiar, I guess I’m used to doing this to him.

One hour in and I’m still in his arms, while he’s sleeping like a log. I can hear him snoring and what’s funny is it sounds like he’s singing. He still keeps a good tone (or maybe it’s just me). I’m starting to get bored, so I just decided to read about amnesia and people’s experiences with it on my phone. According to some patients, some of them take their condition as a gift, mainly because they have a lot of things they want to forget. It’s like, they were pulled out of their chaotic lives, while most hates it for obvious reasons. I mean, who wants their memories to be lost? But, one thing struck me, it’s this testimonial from a patient whose been dealing with amnesia for over five years now. It says there that even if her memories are gone, she can still feel the love she had for certain people, most especially her husband. She said that there are times when her heart is the one feeding her the memory. That even when her mind cannot remember, for some unexplainable reason, she feels like she knows what happened during that specific moment.

Now, I cannot help but think, am I going to be like that with G-dragon too? Do we really have a strong connection, that even if my mind isn’t functioning as it used to, my heart is strong and sharp enough to cover for it.

Morning came and my body feels so stiff. I think I only slept for two hours all because I was too busy researching a lot of things that I’m curious about. Like, our family. Yes, I’ve seen past scandals and headlines about GD’s infidelity as well as mine whether they’re true or not, I’m yet to find out (it’s insane!), as well as other news about us that totally intrigues me. I will definitely ask Railey and Daryl about all these, and if I’m brave enough, I’ll ask GD, himself.

“mmm” he wriggled beside me. He really didn’t let me go last night. He was hugging me tight as if I’m going to disappear in thin air.

Ah! It’s also our first times sleeping together.

“Good Morning” he tightened his hug and kissed my shoulder. I flip to my other side to face him. “Good Morning” I said with my hand covering my mouth and with only one eye open.

“I love you” his morning voice can make your drop. I swear! It’s y.

“Same here” I rest my forehead on his and he giggled. “My shoulders are numb” I said and he went frantic. He got off the couch to give me enough space to stretch my body. “It’s all good. It’s just frozen from sleeping in just one position” I grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him beside me again.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I’m touchy, and this is so rare for me.

“I think we should have your shoulders checked again” he gently pulled me up to sit and started massaging my shoulders. “Does it still hurt?” he asked, full of concern, but my focus is on his hands that is going from left to right on my shoulders and up and down my back. He’s doing it softly, you know, very cat-like. “Hey” he shook me a little, snapping me back to my senses.

“Your massage is too good. Your hands are driving me…” I am unconsciously blurting out what’s on my mind. I turned to look at him, “Don’t….it’s not…” and I’m stuttering. Great! You are really good in embarrassing yourself, Clara.

G-dragon bursts out in laughter when all I can do is bury my face on the throw pillow next to me. I wanted to run, but he’ll surely stop me.

“Aigoo” he rubbed his hand on my back in circles.

I feel so damn hot even when it’s chilly. “I’m an embarrassment to society” I am this dramatic. Okay. Let me be. “Why am I like this?” I sound so dreadful even when it’s really not a big deal. “!”

Next thing I know it, G-dragon is resting half of his body on my back, still laughing at me. He is enjoying this.

With my face now turned to the side, “Am I this embarrassing?” I asked and he shake his head, and crack up in laughter again. “Because I swear, the Clara that I know is totally embarrassing. She embarrasses herself on a daily basis, it’ll drive you nuts!” I don’t know why I’m telling him this, but oh well.

“Did you know that I always knock my whole body on this one specific glass wall in my former office?” I asked. He finally got off me, so I pull myself up and faced him.

Seriously, this giggly, laughing GD, will always be a very beautiful sight to see. Thing is, he’s laughing at me, which is kind of annoying.

“You haven’t told me that” he said and he pulled me close to him, then wrapped his arm around my waist. I chuckle, “Really?” I asked and he nodded. “My office is made up of glass walls and door”. My office back in RUNWAY suddenly flashed in my mind and it made me smile.

“Ooohhh…it’s the same with your office in YGR” GD informed me and my eyes go big in disbelief. “Cool!” I said, “Anyway…those glass walls and door are my enemies. Every morning I would bump into one of them as if it’s my first time to go to it. Like seriously!” I threw my hands up, “My officemates will always tease me about it because I never really learn” this made him laugh once again. “So…to prevent this from happening, Railey and Daryl decided to put decals on it just so I know that I’m not walking to a free space but to glass already”

This might come off stupid, but it really is a trip on me back then. I don’t know what’s with me, but I cannot distinguish the walls and the door of my OWN office. I have to give credit to the person cleaning it every morning because he/she has done a very good job in polishing the glass, making it look like it wasn’t there.

“You want to know the decals they put?” I’m about to give out another fan girl secret that I’m not sure he has heard before.

G-dragon nodded enthusiastically. I sighed. “They had a few pictures of you blown up and printed, and made into decals” when he heard this, his smile widened. “When I saw it, I must admit, I shrieked in happiness and I felt tingly inside” I rolled my eyes, “It was effective though, because I never bump into them again” then I snapped my fingers, “Oh!” I nearly slapped his thigh in excitement, “I bumped into a wall once because I was so busy texting and of course, everyone heard the loud bang, then Daryl, being Daryl, shouted, “Clara just kissed G-dragon today! Congratulations! And it’s all because my face hit straight to your decal face”

These embarrassing stories are buried deep already but they’re strangely coming out of the grave and as much as I want to hide them, I just choose to tell them, since there’s really none I can tell about my present, so I’ll just share my past. Also, this is my way of letting GD into my life before we met (even when I’m sure I already told him almost everything about me).

He is laughing with tears in his eyes. I am laughing too but not because of my story, but because of him. “You are really addicted to me, huh?” he teased with a nudge on my side.

Alright. Let me make it clear. I am not addicted. I’m like any other fan girl out there who loves seeing her idol everywhere, but I don’t go obsessing. In fact, I’m low-key. I don’t go too far with it.

“FYI…I’m not addicted to you” I confidently smiled, “I may have watched every video of you on Youtube and saved a good number of pictures in my laptop and phone…but you never made it to my screen as a wallpaper”

“But you have one specific photo of me printed and framed” he butted in.

“How did you…”

Moons ago, I have this G-dragon picture that I totally love. I don’t know why it’s my favorite out of all the great photos he has, but I had it printed and even bought a very beautiful frame to put it in. I displayed it on my vanity table. When I moved to my own apartment, it’s the first thing I packed together with some important things. I cannot leave it behind because it’s been part of my every day and my room seem lacking without it.

G-dragon excused himself to get something and walked in after a few minutes with a picture frame in hand.

“Seriously!” I almost screamed seeing it. “I brought this here”. Now I can say that this is a major throwback. Looking at it, I can tell that it’s old since the sides of the leather frame is chipping, but the photo in it is still vibrant.

“How come you still look like this?” I asked while looking back and forth the picture then him. He chuckled, “I don’t know. Do I?” he leaned forward and when he was about to get closer to my face, I covered his face with my hand. “Yeah. You still do” I said and he grabbed my wrist and bites it playfully.

I can say now that the universe can sometimes be so unfair. I mean, G-dragon seem to be aging slower than normal people. Yes, you can see lines on his forehead that isn’t there before, but he doesn’t look like he’s in his mid-forties at all. The only difference now is he’s not as thin as he is anymore. He buffed up and in all honesty it makes him look doubly hot, if not hotter.

 “I’ve seen pictures of us with Isabella when she was still a little girl”. A few days ago, Isabella and DK brought out a photo book where pictures of little Isabella are in. According to them, I made each child a photo book and they are planning to show it to me one at a time.

“Ahhh…the kids have started showing you pictures already” he said and I nodded.

“Looking through it…I cannot believe that I had her at a very young age. I mean, I was only twenty-two when I got pregnant. It’s a shock to see myself with a baby bump, so big, I feel like it made me lose my balance a lot of times” I joked and he bursts out laughing again.

“And our family picture”. Upon seeing it, my heart flipped. It suddenly hit me that I am really the mother if this child and a wife of this superstar. “That picture is insane!” I take a deep breath “For the record” I raised my index finger that G-dragon playfully tried to bite. Good thing, my reflex is fast, I was able to get it away from him. “We don’t look like her parents at all! We look like her siblings who just happen to have a huge ”. He laughed again. “And…it’s so odd because she looks like you when she was little and now looks exactly like me”

“You know what?” he rests his arm on the back rest of the couch and I rest my head on his arm with my eyes fixed on him. “When you were in the hospital and I’m kind of losing hope that you’ll still wake up, there was a time when I was talking with Isabella and I was looking straight into her eyes. For some reason, I heard your voice telling me, “I’m fine. I’ll make it. Don’t give up on me just yet. Wait for me please”. I guess I saw you in our daughter’s eyes and it gave me the strength that I needed at that time. It's a bummer that she doesn’t look like me anymore, but I’d rather see you in all of our kids’ faces than see myself”

I slapped his chest lightly, “I love seeing you in them. Like, it’s so insane whenever I look at Danny and I see your strong resemblance. He has your face exactly copied on his. I even told Railey and Daryl once when I was still in the hospital that I feel like I gave birth to another G-dragon, years after the original one was born” I stared at him while smiling and he leaned forward to kiss me. “Then Daryl said, we’re the same sis! I actually gave birth to four Youngbaes, just that three of them have long hair and are wearing dresses” We laughed for quite a while because of this.

Our children are really a mix of the both of us. Isabella, as I’ve said, has my face. We’re like identical twins just in a different era. Gabriella, is a good mix of GD and I. DK, I can say is more of my blood because she resembles my Dad a lot. Danny is G-dragon just younger and with a deeper voice (he looks like the two thousand six version of GD now even the stature). The twin boys, Russelle and Gabrielle are a trip, because one looks Korean and the other doesn’t. Their eyes are the same color as GD’s. Karielle, looks like my Mum in every angle. It sometimes freaks me out because I feel like I’m with her, just the younger version of her. And last but definitely not the least, are the small twins, Darielle has GD’s face from nose down, while Miracle has my nose and my super straight hair. Out of all the girls, she’s the one who got it and her Unnies are envious about it.

G-dragon showed me a picture of our children on his phone. It’s when they were little and very cute (they are still cute now though). “It’s insane to look at them” I said, still in disbelief that I am their mother. “I must say, I’m in total shock to know that we have nine. I really want to know what I was thinking when I agreed to you in having so many. Because I’m telling you, I only want two, and it’s all because I have a strong feeling that I will not be able to do my duty as a mother really well”

He smirked, “You are very good. Trust me” he tucked my hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek. “I’m too good in talking you out and convincing you to have one after another” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes at him. “Ever since we started dating, I don’t know, I already have this strong feeling that you’ll be the mother of my children” he stared at me for a while, “And when Isabella came and I saw how you are with her, how much you take care of her, it seals the deal for me. You keep on telling me every after you give birth that, that baby is going to be the last, that the “baby factory” is already closed, just for it to open again after a year or two”

Unbelievable!

“Personally, I also ask myself, why so many kids? And I’ll always come up with the answer that…they are the living proof of our love. That once we expire from this world, at least there’ll be a good number of people left who will tell tales of the love we had and who will