CHOIs

Being a working Mother is so hard, what’s harder is going home late without anybody welcoming you when all you want is to see even just one from your kids or your husband who, by the way, is busier than I am. So yeah, I guess all I can do now is eat some biscuits, drink my favorite tea and sleep.

“This is so great” my kids are sleeping soundly in our room, the girls and Hyun Suk on the bed and the boys on the floor with only a duvet underneath them. It seems like this day is not going to end as lonely as I think.

Silently, I walk to the boys who looks like sardines in a can for they are too close to each other, squeezing themselves in one blanket only. Raj’s half closed eyes look freaky in dim light.

I kneel and bend down “Love you babies” then kisses them on the forehead. None of them squirmed.

Our youngest, Hyun suk made a pillow out of Tabitha’s arm whose other arm is wrapped around her brother’s waist. I can’t help but stare at them. Victoria, on the other hand, is hugging her teddy bear with slightly open.

“Oh!” I flinch when Tabitha lifts her head.

“Omma” she carefully moves her brother’s head to the pillow and sits up “What time is it?”

I look at my phone for the time “Two”

She taps the lampshade beside her and sigh “Do you really have to work until late at night Omma?”

It’s been a week and a half since I started working again and up until now my children are still adjusting on my schedule. I must say, only Seunghyun is fine with me working again for our kids, especially Tabitha who experienced how crazy it is to have both parents busy, is against it. I can’t blame her because she really grew up waiting for us to give her attention, unlike her siblings who we gave our full attention to while growing up.

“Sweetie” I sit in front of her and touch her hand “I’m sorry for working even though you’re against it”

“Omma…Appa talked to me about it over the phone just a few hours ago when he checked on us…and…at that moment I thought I’ve already accepted that you’re back to being YOU…Railey Choi of YG RUNWAY…again…but seeing you now” she stares at me “I feel like work as much as you love it…is not for you anymore”

“Why’d you say that?” I ask curiously.

Wow! I didn’t expect my daughter to talk to me in a mature manner. Usually, whenever we talk, even if it’s serious, she uses words that a typical teenager uses but this time, I feel like she’s beyond her age.

“DK and I were talking about you and the Aunts on our way home yesterday and she told me that you guys are going to be busier in the coming months because of some big time and high-end projects…she also shared her… and the others’ thoughts about Appa and the Uncles’ coming back to music once again…believe me Omma…we’re so excited for all of it…but…both DK and I fear about the past happening again…like…all of you not being there for us whenever we need you…that we’ll end up being taken care of other people again…us….being followed by the media and a lot of people…watching our every move and writing or reporting about it on the internet or in television”

Seunghyun should hear this. I feel really bad because our children, including Clara’s and Daryl’s for sure, are having a hard time keeping up with us when it should be the other way around.

“Sweetie” I pull her to me and stare straight into her eyes “I’m sorry for bringing you guys into this again…your Appa and I know that you guys are going to have a hard time adjusting but we’re confident that we’ll be able to handle things well…I promise you” I hold her hand and kisses it “Life will still be normal even with all the craziness going on with your Appa and I”

“Sorry for being so honest Omma…I know that this is hard for you and Appa too”

How many kids will ask for forgiveness to their parents because of being honest? Only a few, and it’s overwhelming that Tabitha is one of them. Her honesty is going to be so helpful to Seunghyun and I.

Sleepy but not in the mood to sleep yet, my daughter and I decided to have a midnight snack that is so sinful, I have to go straight to the YG gym tomorrow to shed some calories off. I’m talking about the Aglio Olio that my mother in law made for the kids last night and the chocolate cake that she bought at their favorite bakery.

“How’s school?” I ask.

She swallows her food first then sigh. “This week is going to be the hardest of all Omma…there are a lot of papers to be passed and lectures to study…I know that being in college is more challenging than high school…but I’m not expecting it to be this hectic and stressful…I don’t feel like myself because I can’t do the things I usually do coz I don’t have the time and the energy anymore”

It’s definitely foul to laugh or even chuckle about what she just said, especially when it shows on her face that she’s really having a hard