How good is it to fall deeply in love over and over again with someone you’ve been with for a very long time already? Because I’m falling head over heels with my wife again, for the millionth time in two decades. When I thought I already know my wife from inside out, side to side, and front and back, I’m wrong, because there’s still so much in her that I haven’t seen.

Big Bang is going to Japan today and this is our first in a long time to go out of the country together whole again. I cannot even put in words how happy I am to have my brothers with me, performing on one stage like we never left. I missed this and I’m glad I agreed to do this comeback.

“So…my wife didn’t say goodbye to me”. Just like before, we’re all in one car to the airport. Oh, the memories of being in an idol van with these people.

TOP hyung laughed, “Railey told me that Clara is having a hard time accepting that you’ll be away for a few days”

Youngbae nodded in agreement, “Daryl said the same thing. According to her, Clara is unbelievably clingy to you now more than ever, which is a major shock because she’s never like that at all”

The girls are right and I noticed it too. My wife, though she can be so clingy at times, can last without me for months because she’s so used to me being away for long periods of time.

“I really like it” my lips suddenly formed a smile, “I actually enjoy feeling needed and wanted by her all the time”

“Hyung…you should really take advantage of this” Daesung said, “For you and Clara haven’t really enjoyed your married life to the fullest, yet. It’s just now that you are given a lot of time to be together and do things together, so make the most out of it”

“Daesung hyung is right, Jiyong hyung” Seungri followed, “With your kids able to take care of themselves and of each other, it’s just right for the two of you to finally give time to your relationship”

“I remember you telling us that there are still so much about her you didn’t know” Youngbae said.

“Yeah” I nodded, “There are stories that she hasn’t shared until recently. It’s not a big deal that she didn’t tell them before, but through those stories, I’m discovering so much more about her and I love it”

You know what’s really interesting? It’s knowing who Clara is behind the near to perfect and goody two shoes woman that she is. She may think and actually believe that she lived a boring life before moving here, but it isn’t true at all, for her adventures with Railey and Daryl, her funny family stories, and even her fan girl moments are truly entertaining.

“What’s going on?” I asked when our driver pulled up on the curb all of a sudden.

“Flat tire” one of our managers answered.

We’re already behind schedule. It took some time for the manager hyungs to change one tire, while the rest of us wait patiently.

“I should call Clara” I told TOP hyung who is standing beside me, looking like a celebrity when I decided to dress down.

He sighed, “Go and say goodbye, and make her cry” he said and burst out laughing.

She will surely cry like last night, while watching me pack my things.

“I hate that I’m feeling so sad with you leaving when you’re only going to be away for a few days” Clara is on the bed, beside my suitcase, watching me as I put things in it. “I feel so petty”

I stopped what I’m doing and joined her in bed, “I’m sure you’ll get over your sadness once you start working tomorrow. You might not even notice that five days has passed because you’re too busy to even look at a calendar”

She laughed then shake her head, “I don’t think so” she pulled me close to her and wrapped her arms around my neck, “Is Ice Age Clara like this too?” she looked at me as fresh tears started pooling in her eyes again.

I smiled and kissed her lips, “During our first years together…yes…but after that…you don’t get affected as much anymore, mainly because you’re already used to it and you’re too occupied to even feel my absence”

“Looks like I’m going to drown myself with work and Mum stuff” she leaned towards me and whispered to my ear, “I’ll miss your kisses…your hugs…and the ”

My packing was put on hold to give way to what she called “Bon Voyage ”. The suitcase that I’m almost done filling up is pushed out of bed, making the clothes in it scatter on the floor.

“Did you know that I’m keeping body oil in that cabinet?” she crawled to her bedside to get the oil. “The girls showed me this last night. They said you love this. Do you, really?”

“Babe…” I got the bottle from her and chuckled, “This has been in there for years. We used this once I think during one of your surprises and never used it since…but that was so long ago…you used that to give me a back massage…nothing ual as a matter fact…also…this just prove that you really don’t clean that drawer of yours” I teased.

She slapped my arm, “But the girls said…”

“They are just joking babe” I tossed the bottle in the trash and pulled her close to me, “I’ll miss you” I said while hugging her.

“Do I remind you every time you leave about certain “rules”…you know…the do’s and don’ts”

“You do” I sighed, “But that was ages ago. You stopped doing it because even if you don’t lay your rules…I know them by heart” I lifted her chin up and smiled when I saw her smiling, “As if I still have the power to cheat…first and foremost…I’m nearing fifty…my charm won’t work on most women anymore…second…I don’t have the energy to hide and go from one woman to another…third…it’s going to be too much work to look for another woman…especially when I’m totally…madly…deeply…in love with the woman in my arms right now” I caressed her cheek and just stared at her.

Clara is worried that I’ll play around. Her faces tells me so.

“This might ruin our lovely moment…but…I just want to ask…have you really cheated on me before?” her eyes are deep into mine. She’s even holding her breath, anxiously waiting for me to reply.

“I did” I sighed heavily. The girls told her a little about Lauren already, I guess Clara just want to hear it straight from me.

“Lauren” The moment I said her name, my blood started boiling. If only we can skip her and not tell stories about her and with her in it, I will never ever say her name again, but it’s inevitable. “She and I had a casual relationship when you left without a word. I was so devastated…messed up…lost…that I looked for a temporary way out of the heaviness I’m feeling…and she was there…very much willing to help me forget about you even for a while”

“I must say…if you didn’t come back…she and I might’ve really hit it on, because to tell you the truth… she is not hard to love…she may be a but she’s got a good side…it’s just that she doesn’t know how to use it”

“You even caught us in bed once” I saw horror in her eyes. I felt her move away from me a little, but I pulled her back. “It was after getting married and you’re pregnant with Gabby…she’s been attacking us for some time and I stupidly gave in to her…dead drunk”

She propped up, “And I didn’t leave you after that”

I nodded, “No. You didn’t. But…” I felt a wave of sadness in me, “We were estranged for a while. We live in one roof together, but you don’t want anything to do with me. The mere sight of me hurts you. You’re just enduring it for the kids because you don’t want them to be in a broken family”

“That sounds so much like me” she said and lay beside me again, her head resting on my chest.

Remembering this phase in our lives is hard. These are the moments I wish I can forget, mainly because they’re too painful, that I can feel a bit of it every time I talk about it. I was just so lucky that Clara didn’t give up on me, for if she did, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.

Since the topic is already up, I also told her about Anne, the girl that almost ruined our marriage too.

“So…because of her son…you got somewhat connected…then she fell in love with you” Clara is doing her best to grasp every heavy and revealing stories. “Gosh! You’re one stud! You got three women going gaga over you along with millions more” she teased, making me laugh.

After that, the names of Alfie and Brady came up, and just like with Lauren and Anne, telling their stories and how they pretty much messed up our lives are equally painful. I pulled out all the memories and even the feelings I had during those times and it made me emotional.

“I didn’t know that there are a lot of them surrounding us. I cannot imagine how scary and bothersome it might be. I cannot believe that these guys tried getting me even when I’m married with kids!” she sits up, tightened the duvet covering her upper body and faced me fully, “Where are their dignities? Like…seriously…how low can you get just to get a woman, that you don’t even care if that said woman is already tied up with somebody and a good number of children has already come out of her? A