Chapter 33. With Eyes Closed

When they were young, his older brothers loved watching horror movies when their parents had their ‘date night’. Yonghwa didn’t like watching because he got too scared that he would even have nightmares. One time, he decided to tell on his brothers thinking their mother would get mad; unfortunately for him, she already knew and told him he shouldn’t watch if he didn’t like to. But he insisted since he knew what his brothers would say, that he was being a girl. In the end, his mother told him something he would forever remember when things get hard.

She told him, “Just close your eyes.”

And as he grew up and tried to find his place in this world, he would remember that— he would close his eyes. Not literally though, but mentally. Close his eyes from the uncertainties, fears, and struggles.

And this time, Yonghwa was closing his eyes.

Since it was a routine, his secretary added another day after his appointments so he could spend the last day for his other activities. But right after the end of his meeting, he went straight to the airport to go home.

Home.

The word didn’t give that much meaning as it did now. He pinched his eyes shut when the gates to his parents’ house came into view then told the taxi driver to drop him off just in front of it. It was still too early and he barely slept in the airport since he didn’t manage to get to the last flight the other night. But somehow he was just feeling lightheaded— like he was floating on air. His body was exhausted but his mind was ecstatic.

Coming home at this hour too allowed him to sneak in the house without having to deal with anybody especially his parents. He even pathetically carried his luggage up the stairs to avoid any unnecessary noise. When he got to his old room, Yonghwa took a deep breath before opening the door.

The room was faintly lit by the lights from the restroom that seeped through the slightly opened door. Perhaps the lamp by the nightstand was no longer working and it was the only way for Seohyun to get enough source of illumination without opening the main lights. As expected, she didn’t tell anybody about the busted lampshade fearing that she would be a bother again. He realized he was smiling at this thought.

Quietly, he took an old shirt and a pair of boxers from his closet and went to the bathroom leaving the door ajar. After a while, he took the empty side of the bed as if it had been waiting for him. It was one of the curious things about her— Seohyun would put Euna in the middle of the bed and she would occupy one end and leave the other open. He didn’t want to ask about it even as a tease.

Yonghwa leaned close and pecked a light kiss on his baby’s covered head careful enough not to bother her sleep. He smiled as his eyes lingered towards the mother. She didn’t even stir and notice that he was already in the room. She must have been so tired looking after Euna, after all she told him the other day that their baby was extra whiny and grumpy all the time. Although she said that she was already used to it, Yonghwa knew how exhausting it was both physically and emotionally. Maybe he should do something for her, at least.

He yawned, finally he was being overcome with sleepiness and tiredness.

Yonghwa closed his eyes.

After a while, he was jerked awake by a small noise. He must have been asleep for a few minutes but he opened his eyes and found Euna’s face scrunched up threatening to cry louder. Carefully, he scooped her up and turned to see if Seohyun was awoken by it. When he was sure that she was asleep, Yonghwa carried the baby off the bed and swayed her slowly hoping she was not hungry and only needed cuddling because he couldn’t see the bottles.

Yonghwa kissed her forehead as he shushed her and breathed in her baby scent, “I miss you, sweetheart…”

Euna was still fussing with eyes sleepy and tired but her head moved sideways obviously looking for food. His smile was almost unconscious as this overwhelming feeling settled into him. Those days that he was away made him imagine this moment of holding this tiny person in his arms. He sniffed and groaned when he realized that he was on the verge of crying.

It was crazy.

He closed his eyes and kissed Euna on the temple and let his lips linger there for a few moments letting his tiny one know that he was home.

~~~

Seohyun’s hand mechanically reached out beside her and when she couldn’t feel Euna her eyes flew open and consciousness shook in fast.

But what she saw stilled her.

Yonghwa had his back on her as he tried to calm the whining baby in his arms. She took a deep breath tucking her hands under her head and smiled when he leaned close whispering to Euna. She couldn’t hear the words but she had a clue what he was saying.

When the baby’s whimpers softened, Seohyun decided to speak but her voice broke from sleep, “You’re home…”

Yonghwa turned and smiled at her, “I am.” They were not in their ‘home’ yet but he felt like coming home. “And you’re awake,” he sat by the bed with Euna still in his arms and looked at Seohyun who was now starting to stretch.

Yonghwa had to look away.

“Hmmm…. I am,” she yawned and mumbled with a sigh, “What time is it?”

“Past five…”

Seohyun sat up and fixed her hair in a bun then asked, “What time did you land?”

“Around three?” He replied but regretted it immediately upon seeing that frown of disapproval.

“You’re supposed to come back tomorrow, right?” Seohyun had to ask because she saw his ticket. She sighed when he grinned at her, “You know, you should stop being too impulsive…”

“When was I ever impulsive?” He chuckled when she clicked her tongue then decided to lie just to ease that expression she was wearing, “We have an emergency at the office so I have to come back.”

She gave him a tight smile.

Yonghwa frowned, “You don’t seem too happy to see me…”

“It’s not that,” Seohyun took another deep breath deciding not to go on or she might just— she stretched her arms towards him, “Give her to me. You need to sleep.”

Yonghwa didn’t argue and gently placed Euna in her mom’s arms. “I’ll prepare her bottle first.”

She chuckled and shook her head, “That’s all right, I can do that.”

“Just hold her, okay?”

“Fine,” she laughed and nodded then pointed at the storage basket where she put the bottles and milk containers.

Euna started crying a little angrier this time. She kissed her cheek and noticed the tinge of scent her appa left on her. Seohyun sighed and kissed her baby one more time— and smell him one more time. Like a pro, Yonghwa handed her the bottle in no time that she didn’t hesitate in telling him that he was getting good.

He only shrugged and laid down on the empty side of his bed. He had been living in this dream that wasn’t a dream at all. And now as he laid here in his old bed with Seohyun feeding Euna, it was getting even weirder. Even his mother once told him that she didn’t expect him to have his own family until later in his life. The only thing he was serious about in this life was his work. He took women like he took everything else— fun. Yonghwa winced and found himself looking at that smile Seohyun was wearing as Euna looked at her while she was drinking her milk.

These two, they turned his life around that he could barely recognized the old one. He let the thoughts drift back in the farthest end of his mind when Seohyun looked at him and frowned again obviously telling him to go to sleep. It was still a mystery how they could easily read each other’s thoughts that he grinned and started asking her about the party. Besides, he didn’t seem to be sleepy anymore. They talked until Euna finished her bottle and fell asleep lulled by the hushed voices of her parents. After a few minutes, Seohyun put her back to bed and laid herself as well.

Time passed and he saw how her eyes flickered sleepily but her smile remained on her lips— the lips he wanted so much to taste. He took a deep breath and mumbled, “Go back to sleep…”

Seohyun gave him a small nod and smiled sleepily, “Good night…”

“Good night…” he replied and fell asleep with the last vision of her closing her eyes.

It felt familiar.

It felt so far away.

They fell asleep as the sun peeked into the horizon.

~~~

When morning came, Seohyun took Euna out and decided to let him sleep a little bit longer. She assumed that he came home earlier because of Euna. As expected, his parents were surprised to know that Yonghwa was actually sleeping at his old bedroom. They said over breakfast that when he got his own apartment years ago, he never came home to stay even for a night. His mother also told her no