Today is the day we finally perform with Big Bang. I'm kind of excited to finally do this. I've talked a lot with the choreographer. He's going to give me an internship that can turn into a real job if I do it right. That way I can stay here in Korea a while longer. I'm not sure that's what I want. But I'll be able to fend for myself now. I need to have some kind of income. I've found a job that pays well and is only at night. I need to practice and work at YG during the day. I'm grateful that they took me on. Now that my Korean is a lot better it's good. It helped me find a job.

"Are you all ready?" GD asks us and we nod. It's now or never. I'm kind of looking forward to finally perform something we've been practicing for for so long.

"Come on! On three we say: Big Bang!" Daesung says and we put our hands together. "1 2 3! BIG BANG!" We all shout and laugh out loud.

We're called on stage and Seungri smiles at me to encourage me. He takes my hand and drags me on stage. He's been such a good friend. Keeping me updated on everything Yixing does. I know it's not healthy at all. But I want to know if he's doing well and if he's happy. I'm scared to look things up myself so Seungri just asks his friends and connections. It's easier this way. And it seems they will be coming back sooner than later. I'm happy he has something to look forward to.

I've been keeping to myself these past few weeks. I haven't even contacted Amalia. She has sent me numerous messages and called me so many times, but I can't bear talking to her about this. I haven't been on social media at all since that day. The internet destroyed my relationship so it doesn't deserve me being on there. And I don't want to see how fans talk about me after all of this. It's better this way.

We climb on stage and begin. We're doing Bae Bae and it's my job to come out with GD. And in the end I'm supposed to dance with him. I do as I'm told and we even have to look into each other's eyes while dancing. GD has some wonderful eyes and he always smiles at me. I smile back without even realizing it. After the dance they bow and we go off stage. Now we have to wait until they announce who wins today.

Suddenly I hear some familiar voices. I look around to pinpoint the location. I want to run away but they notice me before I can. We just stare into each other's eyes. Tao wants to come over but Suho holds him back. I know he's doing so for me. And I just want to run over to them. I want to hug them and tell them how horrible it has been without them. Then he comes into view. Yixing is standing less than 8 meters away from me. I want to run over and break down in his arms. But I can't. I hold myself back. I don't even want to look up but I do. Our eyes lock and I gasp. He hasn't been sleeping. I can tell. He looks so tired and beaten. I wonder if he's been eating well since he seems to have lost some weight.

He tries to smile at me but I break and run away. Far away. I don't even know where in the freaking building I'm at. I just keep on going. My heart is throbbing, it hurts so much. It's breaking all over again. Being so close to him just breaks me all over again. I have to get over this feeling.

I slide down a wall and pull up my knees to hug them. I sob into them and just want to die. The pain is too real. I hear some footsteps and don't want to look up.

"Why did you run?" he asks me, his voice sounds like heaven. It's been so long since I heard it.

"You", is all I manage to choke out.

He sits down beside me.

"If they catch you here you won't be able to go to China for the rest of your life. Please go", I choke.

"I want to be here. I know what I'm doing", he whispers. I can feel his breath on my bare arm. I can feel the warmth radiating off him.

"No you don't", I whisper in a broken tone.

"Why didn't you wait just a little longer or stop the car when you saw me running?" he asks me and I look at him. His face is so close to mine.

"I couldn't. They told me not to."

A lone tear runs down my cheek and he catches it with his finger. I cry some more because I feel his touch. I've been so deprived.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks me and I nod. I want just one more before I go. I can't ruin his or my life any more. I know this won't be easier.

He leans in and kisses me soft on the lips. My lips still remember the shape and taste of his. They crave for more. I press against his a little more forceful. I need to feel him one last time and not just softly. He kisses me back and his tongue enters my mouth. I grab onto his sweater to get closer to him. Both of our hearts are beating so fast. I wish I could stay like this forever. Tears keep streaming down my face as we kiss. I know this is it. I know this is the last time, ever. I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to be stable.

I push him away a little and he lets go of my lips. He looks into my eyes.

"No, don't", he tells me before I even open my mouth. "It doesn't have to be like this. We can make this work."

I smile at my own foolishness. What was I even thinking letting him kiss me like that? Did I really think it would be easier to let go?

"Mianhae", I whisper.

"Don't you dare leave me. I need you", he pleads as I get up from out spot on the ground.

"That's the reason why we shouldn't see each other any more", I tell him, trying to be strong for us both.

"It's not. This is all the company's fault. Don't let them win", he keeps on asking me to stay.

"I can't do this anymore. Don't approach me anymore. If they find out we were like this today I don't know what will happen. I will be sent home and you won't be able to visit yours!" I yell at him to make it clear this is real. This is real life. It's not all about us two. It is way beyond that now.

"I can't have you walking away from me like this", he gets up and grabs my wrist.

He pulls me closer and I let him. His arms snake around my waist from behind and his head rests on my shoulder. His breath ruffles my hair and sends chills down my spine. I want to turn around and hug him as hard as I can. I hold it in and cry a little more. Then I pull free and walk away. I don't look back this time because I know what I'll see when I do. An even more broken person than before. 

Yixing's POV

I see her dancing with GD. I had no idea she would be here too. I can't take my eyes off her. She seems to be having fun dancing like that. She even smiles at GD, widely. Is she already over this? Has she forgotten all about me? Was it that easy? Did she really love me? I don't know anymore. I'm so confused.

All eyes are on her. Everyone is looking at her dancing. She stands out. She always has. All the other artists are talking about her skills and want her to feature in their upcoming video's for some reason. I can't take it anymore. I walk back to EXO. Tao hugs me and knows what's going on. He's been going to China a lot these past few weeks. I can't accompany him because of this and it kills me even more.

Tao misses her too. She was his best friend. They seemed to be getting along fine. Chen eyes me and smiles a sympathetic smile. I know for a fact she's been sealing herself off. Amalia has been calling and texting her non-stop. She never answers her best friend. No matter how hard she tries. It's been really hard even getting any information about her at all. She's been a total ghost ever since we broke up.

I went by the gym a few times to look for her. In the end Jerry told me they had moved to the YG buildings for the remaining time. He even told me she got a job as choreographer at YG. It's just an internship for now, but she is making her dreams come true. Without me. I can't stand this. I need to talk to her.

"Let's walk around for a bit, maybe we see someone we haven't seen in a while", Suho suggests.

We all get up and walk around as he told us to do. After a good five minutes we run into her. She sees the rest of EXO first. She gasps when our eyes meet. I want to run over to hug her or shake her. I don't know anymore. I just want to have her close, like before. She seems so empty. Like she's all died out. Just a living shell. So this is what she's like when she's not on stage? The on-stage thing must've been an act.

Suddenly she runs away. I need to go after her. I need to talk to her. My heart keeps aching for her voice, her touch. I run and run after until she collapses against a wall and starts crying. It breaks my heart even more. I can't see her like this.

I sit down beside her. We have a conversation about how I shouldn't be here. But I don't care. My life doesn't have any color in it since she's gone. She was my sun, my everything. And now everything is the same shade of grey. It doesn't matter as long as I'm with her now.

We kiss and it's like breathing again. I feel like I'm alive. Like I've finally found my oxygen. She holds on to me real tight. I feel like she doesn't want to let go. But the kiss is so desperate. It's so full of goodbye. I don't want her to do this. I feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. She's crying so much. She seems so broken.

She pushes me away and I plead for her not to do this. She can't do this. I feel like life is draining from me again. I have to make her stay. She even yells at me. I know she's trying to make a point but I really don't care about it. I want her, nothing else. I grab her wrist when she starts walking away from me. I pull her into my arms, hoping she'll stay this way. I feel her hesitating. I feel like she's as conflicted as I am about all of this. Then she pulls free from my grip and she walks away. She doesn't look back this time. I want her to look back. I want her to see me like this. So she won't run away. But she doesn't stop or look back. She just keeps on going. 

Ella's POV

When I get back they put on some more make-up since I cried away all the rest of it. They're about to announce the winner. We all go out on stage and they call out Big Bang as the big winner. We start jumping as the music starts playing again. We get into out respective positions and start our dance. No matter how wrecked I am, this is showtime.