The car drives on and on. My heart breaking more with every mile it passes. I want to turn back. I want to get out and just let it all go to hell. I want to run to him until I can't breathe anymore. Until my body wears out. Until I drop dead. I want to go to him more than I want to live. But I have to be strong. Life has to go on and get better. I have to believe that in order to survive and be strong. 

The car makes its last turn and stops in front of a shady building. I wasn't expecting anything fancy, but this place is a dump. I get out and Mr. Kim helps me one last time. He gets my bags and puts them in front of me. 

"I guess this is goodbye for us too", I smile through my tears. 

"No it isn't", he states. 

"Why not?" I am so confused. 

"I quit my job. I decided this isn't going to work anymore. After seeing you get hurt by them like this I don't want to work there anymore. It's one thing to ruin my life, but you're such an honest and nice girl. You're so young and to not let you be with the guy you love is cruel. And it's just because he likes doing this stuff. I won't work for that guy anymore..." He tells me and my heart swells. 

Mr. Kim has been such an amazing guy this whole time. He has taken care of me and drove me everywhere I wanted to go. He always gave me advice. He was always there when I needed him. I felt so sorry for him losing his family like that. I was hoping he'd quit soon. 

"You're so brave. I hope you didn't do it all for me... I hope you did it for yourself too. Because that's the most important thing. I want you to believe in yourself", I tell him while I hug him. 

"I do believe in myself. I even called my ex-wife. She told me to come home tonight. She was waiting for me to do this. I'm happy you gave me the strength I needed to do it. You can come over anytime you want. This is the address." He hands me a little paper and I put it away safely. I want to go over and meet his wife and daughter. From what I've heard they're amazing. 

"I will. Soon." I smile and let him go. 

"You can still call me whenever you need anything. I'm sorry you'll have to find your way on your own now..." he sighs and gets back into the car. 

He's going to drop it off at the building before really walking away from S.M. Entertainment. I am really so proud of him. He has some balls. 

I get inside the building before I get robbed by some random person. That's the kind of neighborhood this is. I open the door that belongs to me on the third floor. It's a mess and dirty. But it has some kind of clean space I can sleep. I'll have to clean this place up tomorrow when I have the time. They didn't spend much on my place. There are holes in the walls and the sink is so dirty I almost throw up. The mattress is worn out and the curtains are so pale from the sun shining on them. I put my stuff in a corner and lock the door as best as I can. I make my bed and go to sleep. I have to get up in the morning to go to practice. 

1 AM

I wake and look at my phone. It's 1 a.m. and for some reason I start laughing. Taeyang's song comes up in my mind and I can't help myself from wanting to listen to it. It fits the situation perfectly. Silent tears roll down my cheeks as I listen to the lyrics. I don't have any voice left in me. I already cried all of my voice out. I was worried the neighbors were going to call an ambulance at some point because it really sounded like I was in so much physical pain. If only they knew. The other half of my heart is miles away. I wonder what he's doing and what he's thinking about. I just hope he's okay. 

Yixing POV

I get a phone call from Baekhyun at some point during practice. I'm worn out. I'm worried about Ella. What is he saying to her? Is she okay? I don't know. 

"She's leaving, he's making her leave", Baekhyun tells me and I drop everything. 

I don't answer him and just put the phone in my pocket. I start running back to the dorms. I run and run and run until I can't see anymore. I have to be there before she leaves for good. I have to talk to her and ask her why she has to leave. This wasn't that big of a deal right? Is that why she was distancing herself from me? Did she know what was going to happen if this came out? I just have to see her face again. And those beautiful eyes that always tell me the truth. She still has to say she loves me too. I can't let her go. I can't let the other half of my heart walk away like that. I have to stop her. 

I finally reach the dorms and see a car taking off. They motion for me that it's her leaving. Tears are still streaming down my face. I run after the car, yelling her name. She has to hear me, she has to stop. I can't let this happen. She looks back once, as if she heard me calling her name. When she looks back my heart breaks even more. I see how she feels. She's broken. Like me. What the hell is the president doing to us? I have to catch that car. I push harder and harder while she looks at me. But then she turns around again and the car speeds up. I give up and fall to my knees in the middle of the street. I don't care who sees me. I just want her back. Tears keep flowing down as I scream her name as loud as I can.

Suddenly someone taps my shoulder and helps me get up. It's Suho. He carries me back to the dorms and gets me to my room. The room that has no meaning for me. I get out immediately. I run towards her room. Hoping her stuff is still there like always. Like she'll return somehow. When I get in I just see her empty bed and walls. I walk over to her walk in closet and it's empty too. Somehow it hits me I'll never be able to talk to her again. We'll never be here in this bed together again. 

I lay down on the mattress and let it all go. I crawl towards her pillow and sniff in her scent again. I roll up around it and cry until I'm all dried up. No one bothers me. They know I need to process this. They know I need to be alone for this. 

1 AM

I wake up in the middle of the night. Thinking she is with me again. I'm surrounded by her scent. I open my eyes and look around. The room is as empty as it was a few hours ago. My heart starts aching again. I look at my phone screen, hoping she contacted me somehow. All I see is the time. 1 a.m. it reads and I laugh at myself. I think back to Taeyang's song and put it on. I'm amazed as to how it fits the situation. I feel like smashing everything around me. But I don't. I want her to come back. I want it more than I want to live. She has to come back. Please. 

Ella's POV

It's been a very rough night for me. I didn't get much sleep to be honest. I heard lots of noises that kept me awake. Afraid of being robbed or worse. The first thing I do is go buy a new lock. It costs a lot, but it's the best they have. I put it up in my apartment and I feel a lot safer. I have to go to practice soon. I leave a little earlier than usual. I have to take a bus and train to get there. 

The bus is packed with so many people. I hope no one knows who I am and I can get there without being ripped to shreds. No one bothers me, but I feel so violated by all the people who were pressed against me. I don't ever want to do that again. But I have no choice if I ever want to get to practice. The train isn't any better. It even has more people that the bus. I didn't think that was even possible. People push me against the window and I feel like I can't breathe. I know what this is. It's a panic attack. I haven't had one in such a long time. It freaks me out even more. I get out at the next stop. It's still blocks away from where I have to be, but I don't mind. I need fresh air. I get out of the underground station and finally reach the open air. I slide down a building and put my arms around my knees. I need to calm myself down. I feel like I'm going to die. 

"Ella?" I hear someone say and I look up to see Seungri standing in front of me. 

"Are you okay?" he asks me and I start to cry. "Oh . Come on. My car isn't that far from here."

He drags me along with him. He pushes me into his car and then hugs me. I don't know what to do. I just want to stop this crying. I hate crying. I want to just get better already. 

"I'm sorry", I tell him as I pull away. He smiles a little at me. 

"It's okay. I heard all about it", he says as he my hair to soothe me. 

"I was having a panic attack", I explain. 

"I thought so. I'm so sorry for what happened. We all thought you weren't coming to practice today..." he tells me. 

"Wait, how do you know what happened?" I suddenly realize there's no way he should know this. 

"I'm not sure I should tell you this..."

 "What is it?" I push on. 

"Yixing called us this morning to ask us if you were with us... He wanted to know where you were and told us what happened", he explains and I smile a little. My little Yixing is still concerned. 

"How did he sound?" 

"I really shouldn't..."

"Come on."

"Broken and kind of dead..." 

I think back to his smile. He's always so happy and cheers us up all the time. The image is replaced by the one of him running after the car. His tears were everywhere. I don't want to think back to that time again. My heart just keeps on breaking into smaller pieces. I didn't even know that was possible. 

"Come on. I'll take you to practice..." he tells me and takes off. 

A few minutes later we get to the place and I walk inside. The rest of Big Bang rush over and all hug me. I know they mean well, but at this rate I'm going to start crying again. And I don't want to cry in public ever again. 

"Let's just get this started, okay?" I try to say. 

They nod and the choreographer takes over and tells us to get ready for practice. 

After practice he calls me over to talk about that internship he has for me as a fellow choreographer. I smile at this a little. He still wants me. I guess this can be considered as a new start.