We touch back down in Seoul. My heart hasn't stopped racing all the way from his apartment until touchdown. I'm feeling very ill. I'm actually going to throw up. We had to be even more careful leaving his place. There were reporters everywhere. I actually had to leave before the sun rose. I was waiting around the corner for him to come pick me up. It was absolute hell. 

It's not any better here in Seoul. As soon as we step out of the airport there are reporters harassing us until we get to the car. My Korean has improved so much that I can actually understand them.  They're shouting things like: 'Did you go on a couple trip?' or 'Is this a confirmation?'. I just want them to leave us alone for now. I want to think about all of this. Baekhyun dropping this on us in the middle of the night was absolutely a drama. I'm still a mess. And we have an appointment with the president later this afternoon. We're both just going to our practice and freshen up before going to his office. I even have a separate appointment after the one with me and Yixing is done. I'm feeling really bad about all of this. What if I'll never be able to see them again? 

We drive home in absolute silence. Yixing knows I don't want to talk at all. I've been like this ever since the phone call came. I'm trying to distance myself from him because I know how much it'll hurt when they actually pull me away from him. It's better to get used to it already. It may hurt less when the time has come for me to leave him. Because we both know that the president is never going to approve of this. I know it even better than Yixing. 

"Are you going to be like this until after the meeting?" he suddenly asks me. 

I don't answer and just stare out of the window for the remainder of the time. Mr. Kim wasn't there to pick me up. I miss him and want to talk about this to him. I know how much pain he has gone through because of this company. Maybe he'll be able to understand me. Because Yixing sure doesn't. I'm in love with the guy but he doesn't get what's at stake here. He'll be able to stay here and just live out his life like he used to. Okay, maybe he'll miss me, but still. I'll be the one who will be punished for this kind of behavior. I'm not the star they're making money off. 

I sigh as we finally reach the dorms and walk inside without even looking back. I need some space. Time away from him and getting ready is the perfect excuse for me. He will respect my decision. I go to my room without looking at anyone. I close the door and lock it for the first time since I've been here. I hear someone knocking but doesn't try to budge the door. 

"I know you're in there", I hear Yixing say. "Are you going to keep acting like this? Do you even know how much pain I'm in?"

I open the door in a flash of rage. 

"YOU're in pain?" I breathe heavily. "If you only knew."

I shake my head and he comes inside and locks the door once again. 

"I know this is bad too! But you can't keep shutting me out like I don't matter! It's my career that's on the line here! And I don't want to lose you, no matter what!" he shouts back. 

"You're job is not the only one on the line here! I'll never be able to work here after this! And I won't be able to even stay here in this country anymore!" 

"I can't lose you! Not now that I've finally found you!" He has his hands in his hair. 

"And why is that?! We've only been together for roughly a month!" I spit back. 

"Because I love you! Damn it!" He says as he lifts his head to face me. He has tears in his eyes and gets up. He walks over to push me against the wall. "I'm in love with you. Falling harder every second. You're a part of my heart. Wo ai ni."

Those last words make my legs cave in and my heart stop. He told me he loved me. Even in his own language. I'm so happy I could die. I want to tell him I feel the same, but I can't. I can't give him this kind of hope when it's all going to come down soon. Our dream will be caving in and my heart will be broken. I have to save him from all the heartbreak. He doesn't deserve this. Only one of us should have to suffer. And I know it has to be me. 

"I need to get ready", I say while pushing him away. 

"Fine", he says while getting out. His voice sounding broken. That's good. That way he won't be so broken later on. 

I break down against the wall and cry my eyes out. This is a raw kind of pain I'm in. I've never been this broken in my life. I want to rip my heart out to be done with it. My head has too much pressure in it, causing me to have a headache. I throw the nearest thing against the opposite wall. It doesn't break so I'm sure it wasn't that important. I get up and get dressed for practice. I walk out to see the rest of EXO waiting for me. I ignore them because I don't want to cry again. I just want to get this over with. I walk past them and get into the car. Mr. Kim was waiting for me like always. 

Now that he's here I don't want to talk anymore. I choke because of the tears that are still in the back of my throat. He drops me off at the entrance. I walk inside and sit on the side. Normally I'd be in the middle talking with everyone, but this time I don't want to be bothered. I'm already in the meeting with my head. I just have to get through this first. Big Bang walks in and sees me sitting on the side. I ignore their stares and they don't say anything. They've probably seen the picture too. 

In the end Daesung comes over. "Are you okay? Don't you want to go home?" he asks me.

"That's the last place I want to be", I sigh. 

"Just know that we're here for you, okay? Some of us have been through this too", he puts an arm around my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. Then he walks off and practice begins. 

I'm surprised it went so well. I didn't make any big mistakes. I'm the one who has to dance with GD right now and he helped me a lot. In the end I don't want to leave just yet. I brought a fresh pair of clothes with me to wear to the meeting and some make-up. I shower there and get dressed. I can't bear going back to the dorms right now. My heart is too heavy. They're going to notice it. 

I step out and Mr. Kim drives me over to the S.M. buildings. 

"Don't let yourself be intimidated by the president. If there's anything, just call me", he tells me before getting out. I nod and he drives off. I walk upstairs to his office and wait outside. Yixing joins me after one minute and we're called inside. 

"Ah, you two", president says while he motions for us to sit. 

We both sit down and he adjusts his tie. He looks angry. He's only looking at me. 

"Do you know what kind of ruckus you've caused with that little picture?" he asks us both.

"I'm very sorry, sir", Yixing states and he bows in his seat. 

"I'm very disappointed in you, Yixing. You're supposed to be the good one from all of them", he says. 

"I'm sorry too, sir! It's not his fault. He just got carried away by me. I take full responsibility for this", I start but he cuts me off.

"I'll deal with you after this." Is the only thing he says to me. "First of all, Yixing, you're going to have to practice even harder now and your visitation rights to China are cancelled for now. You won't be doing photo shoots for the next month. The other members will have to be without you for now. You will be taking part in the comeback next week. But you won't be doing anything else. And since your filming of 'Go Fighting' has ended for this season it's okay for you not to go to China now." 

"Don't take China away from me!" Yixing shouts and my heart breaks.

"For the upcoming month you'll just be concentrating on your comeback", he says to Yixing who is still mad. "You can leave now."

Yixing stands up and gives me a sad look. I want to hug him because he looks broken. Taking his rights to go home away was way too extreme. This boy has it rough enough as it is. This is the last straw. I don't want it to end like this for him. He walks out with a deep sigh and a lone tear crossing his cheek and landing on his lips. He closes the door and leaves us alone. 

"As for you. You will be taken away from EXO. You've crossed the line I told you not to cross. Of course I won't be able to stop you from going to your Big Bang activities, but you will have to leave EXO and the dorms. I've set up an apartment for you to live until your activities are over here and you can go home. Your ticket will be paid for. You won't talk to any of them after clearing your room in the dorms. Yixing won't be there. You won't talk to him anymore at all. Not even if he comes to you. You ignore him."

I knew this was coming. A tears escapes my eyes and I smile bitterly. 

"I get it." I say as I get up and leave. I have to get my things and move out. I will never talk to Yixing again after today. And the last thing he even said to me is how much he loves me. I can't do this. I need to be strong and go on. 

I get into the car again without even looking around. The world has turned grey around me. Yixing was my sun and now he's been taken away. But I will cherish all the beautiful memories he gave me. It's something that will stay with me forever. And the feelings I have for him won't fade. They will be here. They'll haunt me. But it will be a reminder of this. That it was all real. Even if it was only for a short while. I will not regret any decision made in this short time span. 

The car stops and I get out. This will be my last time here in this place. The last time I'll ever see the dorms. The last time I'll enter. I get in and EXO is waiting for me. Everyone except for Yixing. Tao comes closer but I motion him to stop. 

"Ella", he starts but I just break out in tears.

He catches me and holds me there while I cry and cry. He drags me to the living room and sits me down on the couch. I cry my eyes out. It's heartwrecking to leave these amazing guys. The guys I've come to consider as friends of mine. The people I've spent two months with. I think back to the first time I met them and how nervous I was. I smile a little while crying. Tao just hugs me closer. 

"They can't do this to you", Chen starts.

"I won't let them", Baekhyun joins in. 

"How can they do this", Kai whispers. 

"I'm sorry", I choke out in Korean and they all smile a little. 

"Now she speaks Korean..." Kyungsoo adds in a little voice. 

"We have to let her pack", Suho says, being the strict leader he is. 

I go to my room and pack everything up. I don't want to leave here. I want to stay here forever. But this is real life. It takes me way longer than I thought. They help me carry everything out to the car. Before I leave I do another lap of the dorms. I'll miss cooking here and just sitting in the living room with them in the evening. Just chilling out. I walk out and they're waiting for me again. I hug them all before retreating to the car. 

"I'll probably never talk to you again", I smile through my tears that keep flowing. "But remember that the time I've spent here has been the best time in my life. You've made my life so much more fun. I'll never forget about this and you. Please take care of yourselves and each other. I couldn't bear to see you suffering because of me. Smile and have a good comeback. I love you." 

I see Sehun crying in the back with Kyungsoo. They didn't want me to see, but I did. Chanyeol looks at me with a heartbreaking stare. Xiumin gives me an encouraging smile to get me going. I know we all feel the same. 

"We will never forget about you too. You've changed us for the better. I'll always cherish having the memory of you being here with us. You're such an amazing human being. You also take care of yourselves. I hope I will have the pleasure of meeting you again in the future. We love you too", Suho says while swallowing his tears. 

I get into the car after that. Mr. Kim starts to drive away from the best friends I've ever made. I look back one more time. As I look back I see someone running after the car, trying to stop it. When I look properly I can see it's Yixing. His cheeks are stained with tears and heartbreak. I feel the same. I wish I could just step out and say how much I still love him. But I can't. 

I love you, goodbye.