The Heirs 2: The Inheritors
Requested By: ArielVip
Reviewer: HeadToToesLove
Review Requested: July 8th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 10th, 2015
**Please remember to credit us in your foreword with the banner on the right and comment to let us know you've picked it up**
***Note from HeadToToesLove, the reviewer: this became a rather long review, but the story is rather long, so it was necessary. Hope you don't mind ^^***

Title (7/10)
I feel as though the title fit the story well, simply because it is a sequel based off of a drama; however, I think it lacked personal creativity. You could have used "The Heirs 2" and gotten rid of the tag "the inheritors all together. But, if you wanted to use a tag chang it from "The Inheritors" to something more original and that applied more to the story as you wrote it. Give it your own little spark. Other than that, it was relevant enough. And, any KDrama fan would have found themselves reading this easily.

Foreword (12/15)
The foreword was pretty plain, but I'm just thankful it wasn't cluttered. Clutter is a huge turn off, and, although it was not stunning nor eye-catching, it didn't scare me away. Plain is always better than extravagant (going way over the top), and looking messy (and quite frankly, ugly). Thank you for not cluttering up you foreword! I salute you! \(^_^),
And, the poster was beautiful, btw. (go SW Graphics!!)

Now, onto the description.
I feel as though the description, although simple and to the point, didn't fit the story as well as it could have. The entirety of the story wasn't based on her rebelling against her parents with the "bad boy" Choi Young Do; I mean, yes there was her rebelling, but for the first two thirds of the story, her parents didn't even know she was talking to Young Do, and she didn't rebel much, either. That was more of an event that occurred toward the end of the story.
This could stem from the fact that you wrote the description before you finished the story, so if that's the case, I recommend going back and changing it to fit better with how everything actually turned out. It's less about her rebelling and more about the both of them struggling with their feelings, and each wanting a happy ending of their own (and you wrote this so Choi Young Do could have a happy ending as opposed to the original drama, so it makes sense ^^)

Characters (19/20)
You used a mix of direct and indirect characterization, which was a nice contrast.
But, I feel as though it would have been more pleasant if you used less direct characterization with Ha Yeon and Young Do. That being said, it wasn't awfully done by direct characterization and you didn't reveal their entire life story in the first chapter. So, it balanced out well enough. No harm done.

I really liked your characters. I am aware that some of them were from the original drama, but I feel like you took those characters, captured their personalities, and represented them well, and also managed to make them your own. Good job! 
Characters can easily be what makes or breaks a story, and you did an excellent job incorporating the original characters as well as you own, and it worked out nicely together.

Favorite Character: Lee Sungyeol.
-- You made him an excellent foil to Young Do, but didn't make them heads and be mortal enemies constantly. They were mostly just indifferent toward each other, so you broke the status quo and didn't make it totally cliche. It was realistic and it wasn't intrusive on the actual plot.
Sungyeol's character was just perfect. He was level-headed and intelligent; And he and Ha Yeon had an excellent friendship, and I adored that. I also loved how Young Do called him "Congress Boy'. It was very entertaining (which may sound sadistic since I just said Sungyeol was my favorite and the name isn't exactly a compliment, but I liked it none-the-less).

Narrative Elements (22/30)
Now here's where I get a bit more strict.

There was a confusing switch between first and third person narrative views in the first chapter, where you went from 'Soo Ha Yeon did’ to ‘I did’. At first, I thought it was her thoughts since you had the words "she mused" and if it was then I would recommend putting those sentences in italics, so it shows the difference and, that way, it will be less confusing to the reader.
But, you continued with switching back and forth between ‘Ha Yeon did’ to ‘I did’ and it was very baffling (and somewhat irritating). And, even more so, you stopped doing it as the chapters went on, using only first person for the rest of the story.
In order for a story to flow well, you need to either pick one point of view and stick with it or specify (tell the readers that you’re switching the point of view from first person to third person) what your POV is before doing it.
You also switched a couple of times between present tense and past tense, though those were hardly noticeable.

There were minor spelling and grammatical mistakes. Nothing that’ll scare anyone away. Things like uses of words with two meanings or words that sound the same with different spellings. But, it’s not something that, like I said, would send most people away nor have them stop reading your story because of them. Don't worry.

Some specific examples: [Warning, although I have an abundance of mistakes of my own like these in my own personal stories, and this might make me hypocritical, I am still very particular about spelling and grammar, so I am a bit harsh when it comes to these kinds of mistakes]

-- To vs. Too (Too is used when there is 'many' of something (i.e 'too many', 'too much') and also, when you mean 'as well' (i.e 'I did, too' is the same thing as 'I did, as well', or 'I did, also').
-- Quite vs. Quiet (Quiet is when someone isn't being loud. You used 'quite' in place of 'quiet' many times).
-- Guesse vs. Guess (The correct spelling is guess).
-- Nothing vs. Nuthin (I'm sorry, but 'Nuthin' is not a word, though it is commonly used as slang; But, this is a story. The use of slang is okay in dialog and if it fits the character using it, but in paragraphs and descriptions (and for characters where it just doesn't make sense for them to use slang, like Young Do and Ha Yeon, both being people of higher class and social status), please do not use slang. It's unprofessional, and somewhat annoying to read (at least to me. I apologize, but it's one of my many pet-peeves. And, another example of this is when you used 'govt' instead of 'government').
-- Hunny vs. Honey (Again, hunny is not the correct spelling. Honey is)
-- Hay vs. Hey ('Hay' is food for horses. 'Hey' is 'Hello', 'Hi', 'What's up', 'Yo')
-- Their vs. There vs. They're ('They're' is 'They are', 'Their' is when something belongs to someone, it is a possessive pronoun (i.e That book is theirs), and 'There' is for a place or location (i.e 'Put that book right over there')).
-- Throught vs. Throughout (Throughout is the proper spelling)
These were just the ones that stood out to me, and that I found to be the most pressing. These were the one's that were common within your story, so I used them as the examples. There were a few more, but like I said, nothing that would scare a devoted reader away.

I get the feeling some of this may have been typed on a mobile device, because some of the mistakes were mistakes that auto correct (being the little it is, excuse my language) would make happen. (I despise auto correct, if you couldn't tell).

[Tip] I recently discovered this myself (because I am very much a noob to AFF), but AFF’s text editor has a spell check system. I highly recommend using it (If you look at the top bar of the editor, there will be a box that says 'ABC' with a check mark under it. Click on it and press 'enable').

Now, even with all of those spelling mistakes, it wasn't hard to read, and it won't ward off most people. So, don't worry. The spelling mistakes didn't take too much away from the story as a whole.

The sentence structure was a little awkward, however. You had sentences that didn't seem like complete thoughts or made it choppy. (Ex. "I sighed.") You can add more to these to make it less stiff (commas are lovely, and you didn't have nearly enough of them, my friend). But, since you were consistent with this style throughout the story, it wasn't too bad. So, if you continue writing like that, don't change it. It's your style, and every one is entitled to their own style. It's a lovely writing style, so long as you keep it consistent. ^^

Favorite Line: "It's like I'm living out of a script from a drama."
-- I cannot tell you enough how much I love irony, and this sentence is dripping with it. Thank you for this line. It was beautiful. ~(^O^)~
 

Plot and Theme (33/35)
Not going to lie, I was very reluctant at first to read this. Given the fact that it's based off of a drama, and the description talking about the 'good girl' falling for the 'bad boy', I thought for sure it was just going to be a painful read of another cliche romance. 
Starting off with the first few chapters, I still felt the same. She seemed to immediately fall in love with Young Do, and that made is seem as though it would be rushed.
But, thankfully you exceeded my expectations and surprised me.
This story wasn't nearly as cliche as I thought it would be. And, it wasn't rushed (thank God).
Yes, she did develop feelings for him kind of fast, but he didn't reciprocate nearly as fast as she and that paced it out properly. He didn't get over his feelings for Cha Eun Sung overnight and he didn't fall madly in love with Ha Yeon right away, either. 
I also loved the fact that there was a minor love triangle with Sungyeol, but it wasn't serious, and it wasn't a major conflict within the story. And, he was still her friend despite her ending up with Young Do, and he wasn't a jerk about it (again, Sungyeol is my favorite character, so... ;P)

There was a lot of internal conflict present in the story (her feelings, his feelings, really just everyone's feelings), and internal conflict is always a good thing. It always makes a story more dynamic and enthralling. However, I did get a bit antsy for some external conflict after the first ten or so chapters, since nothing extremely significant happened to test their relationship or get the characters to take action.
But, you fulfilled my wishes for external conflict with a certain someone (#NoSpoilers) and again with her parents toward the end.
And, I loved how you left a lot of mystery with the first external conflict, without revealing who the culprit was. Many wouldn't figure it out right away, since he was only just mentioned briefly in the earlier chapters. He never seemed like a real threat. Good job not giving anything away until the last possible minute.

Entertainment Factors (8/10)
Overall, this story was enjoyable. There weren't any hardcore plot twists, but the plot had so much going on in it, a plot twist wasn't necessary to add to the excitement. 
Your characters were all generally likeable, and the plot was (although still somewhat cliche) rather original. You had your own little sparkle and shine added to it. 
Even though it took me a few chapters to get into it, it was well worth the read, and I found myself wanting more and more closer to the end.

I genuinely enjoyed this story. ^^
 

Overall Score: (101/120) *This has been added to the Hall of Fame*

Reviewers Song Choice: