*calling deductionmaniac | First Love

ℝookie ℝeviews | A Review Shop | Closed & Catching Up (Please Read Chapter 68)

First Love
Requested by: deductionmaniac
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Review Requested: July 10th, 2015
Review Completed & Posted: July 12th, 2015
**Please remember to credit us with the banner on the right and comment to let us know that you've picked it up**

 

 


Title: (8/10)
The title, although not creative creates many emotions and makes the audience reminicise about their own love story. I love it because the title is simple and gets straight to the point. It also gives readers a clue about the story's plot and what the story revolves around.

Foreword: (7/15)
No layout was used, but a layout is not required for a good story. The description however is somewhat lacking. I love the quote though, it was smart and it caught my eye. It had me wondering throughout the story, how first love can be described.

Characters: (18/20)
There was no character introduction, but I believed that it wasn't required as the author's writing style made the story seem like a diary entry. The character development throughout the story was great. I loved the way the author described falling in love as a "spark". What really had me though was the way the author described the man that her character fell in love with. It made it seem like the author was writing about her own experience because the way she described him almost made him seem like a saint.

Narative Elements: (24/30)
First person was used which I believe was the right choice. The story is somewhat like a diary entry about a girl who's recalling her memories and using first person allows the audience to experience firsthand how the character behaves and thinks. The delivery was done extremely well and the setting, although not described much, left an impact which had me thinking about the first love most of us experience at school. There were also a few minor mistakes and sometimes the sentences didn't flow, but overall I was thankful because there wasn't any need for major editing.

Plot and Theme: (27/35)
Death and first love was combined and used in the story. It was a great mixture of both which made the story flow well. The plot, however isn't that creative, but the way the author described the feeling of falling in love for the first time, made the story seem real. The death scene was good, not great but good. I had high expectations for it as I love reading about death, but I wasn't thrilled nor disappointed. It wasn't really a tear-jerking scene but somehow it fit well in the story.

Entertainment Factors: (8/10)
Overall, I think the story was great. It kept me interested and although I don't really enjoy reading oneshots, this was really well written. The combination of death and first love was really meaningful and left me thinking about what love actually is.

Overall Score: (92/120)

 

REVIEWER'S NOTE:
I really enjoyed this oneshot and I really recommend it to the readers. However, I think that if the author were to extend on how her character fell in love with the man, it would make the story more heart-warming. Overall, the story was very meaningful. Yes, it was cliche, but sometimes cliche is good, especially when the author describes it well. The story left me thinking about how I would feel about falling in love for the first time.  


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Comments

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omonachu #1
Chapter 70: thanks for the review! i will put it up as soon as i have time to update.
SilentlyWriting
#2
Chapter 67: I'm so sorry that I only able to pick it up now. I've been busy for college and haven't got any time to check aff. anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW AND THE ADVICE, I will consider all of your word to improve myself. I will put up the credit as soon as I'm on my laptop.
omonachu #3
Chapter 68: I don't mind the change in reviewer! :)
Shino159 #4
Chapter 68: Don't apologize!~ >.< Reading and reviewing takes time and seriously, you guys are fast! And of course, you have a life out of this shop ^^ Fighting!!!!!!~ :D
Lovex2254 #5
Username: Lovex2254
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/424809
Story Title: Memento Mori
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1013350/memento-mori-angst-dark-death-psychological-zelo-bap
Genre: Dark, Psychological
Short Summary: Tragedy strikes when a young aspiring dancer by the stage name of Zelo disappears. Two weeks after his disappearance, he's found dead in his girlfriend's apartment. A day later, Park Sora is arrested under the charges of killing her boyfriend. Now, it's my job to investigate the story of the crazy behind the murder of Choi Junhong.
Reviewer: JungAddicted
Is it Rated M?: no
How many chapters are there?: 1
Is it Complete?: No
Password: Jimin's abs
chariseuma
#6
Username: chariseuma
Profile Link: www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/242416
Story Title: dirty little secret (the submissives's desires)
Story Link: www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/872654/dirty-little-secret-the-submissives-desires-mark-got7-marktuan-gtn7series
Genre: , friendship, comedy
Short Summary: iseul wanted to prove mark that she was not bothered by the kiss.
Reviewer: scookieez
Is it Rated M?: Yes
How many chapters are there?: it's a oneshot
Is it Complete?: yes
Password: Jimin's abs

•••

sorry for requesting at you (scookiez) but the others are busy ;A;
lexxxi16
#7
Chapter 66: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll definitely edit my grammars and whatnot and try to add more description and details next time. Ty! Once again, and I will credit you.
kyuri91
#8
Username: kyuri91
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/44158
Story Title: Hearts are Made to be Broken
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/161414
Genre: Romance
Short Summary: Her first love changed her; she doesn't believe in love anymore. She will have her revenge; even if it means she will break the heart of someone who loves her truly.
Reviewer: Yoon_Jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: No
How many chapters are there?: 44
Is it Complete?: Yes
Password: Jimin's abs
blacksmile
#9
Username: Blacksmile
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/38220
Story Title: Aphrodite Wanted
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/601767/aphrodite-wanted-myth-exo-kai-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol-kailay
Genre: Angst, Myth,
Short Summary: As members of the Aphrodite race, Chanyeol and Yixing needs to run and hide in order to live.
Reviewer: yoon_jeonghan
Is it Rated M?: yes
How many chapters are there?: 6
Is it Complete?: no
Password: Jimin's abs