"Saying sorry and I love you wasn't enough, Ter." He caress my back as I fell on his arms. "Even catching you a million times when you fall wasn't going to be enough." 

I cried on his arms, while he's saying those words. I can utter a word.
This is the moment, this is the moment I never wanted to happen. 
I don't want to say something that will break my heart, I don't want to lose him. And I know he is too. 
But this kind of journey of us doesn't even need our decisions. 
This kind of journey, is like being drive by destiny.
We can't both handle it, the more we keep holding on, the more I keep holding on - we will keep hurting each other. 
He know that, I know that very well. 

That even I say I am okay, that everything is alright - destiny keeps something between us. 

"I just ruined your dream." He sobbed. "I was the one."

I wish I can say it's okay, I'm okay - but my lips felt so numb. 

"You keep building me up, you keep shining for me, for me who was the one who buried what you love all your life." He said. "You even love me, without even checking yourself if you still have for yourself." He is still caressing my hair. "You know how hard for myself to gather the thoughts that really, you are a star for me. You are the most beautiful and brightest star." 

The most painful thing is he is trying to smile for me as his crying. I don't want him to cry over me, I just want him to be happy. That's all.
Because I am the most blessed person if he'll going to smile at me. Without pain. 

If only.
If only we met on a happy one summer day, we bump to each other like in movies. Then I'll be smiling at him and a happy ever after was born.

If only we haven't met on the most unexpected moment for us. 
Maybe eternity will be for us, because forever wasn't even enough. 

"Ter, you know I wish you just continued your revenge for me. Maybe I can accept that even more suitable. A revenge all along. But you didn't. You want to best for me, you did everything for me." He touched my lips. "And I don't want that, I don't want that I was always the better off. I want to give you more than what you are giving to me. I want to make you smile, laugh and even cry for you. I want to do more, because I love you." He sighed. "But, you keep loving me a mile more as I try to give an inch of mine. You are always doing what I wanted to do for you." 

Because I love you Snow, I will do everything for you. 
You don't have to do a thing. My thoughts are reflecting the way I looked on his eyes. 

"I love you Shinhye.." He kissed me, "I love you but this wasn't enough.." 

I squeezed his hand. "It is enough."

He shook his head. "No, at this time. Every time I stare at you, I keep remembering how ed I am. I keep remembering what I did. And even you don't admit it in yourself, I know you keep remembering also. We are both trapped on that nightmare." He touched the wrist band on my hand. "We are both trapped in a past that made us like this." 

"Are you going to leave me?" I asked him, as my tears keep falling. But now, I am more confident that he and I are understanding each other, more than I understand myself. 

He didn't respond.

I bit my lip. "You are going to leave me here." I said. 

"I can't play for spring." 

"Why?" I asked. "Because of me?! What the hell Snow!" I raged. 

He smiled again. "I will never stop playing, Ter. Because that's the only thing I can give to you now. But.."

"But what?"

"My condition is not okay. And I just knew that I'm getting worse." He smiled again.

I stopped from sobbing. "Getting worse?!"

He nodded.

"You are getting worse and you are telling me to leave you." I caress his cheek. "Don't you think that's a stubborn thing?" 

"I will leave you, Ter." He said. "But, I will never let go. I will keep on loving you."

I curled my forehead. 

"Today, will be the last day of our past. From the time of the accident until now, is our past." He smiled. "From tomorrow until eternity, is our present." 

Our past, the only thing that I regret for my whole life.
Our past, that was crept up with horrible nightmares. 
Our past, that will end now.
And on the last day of our past, we will let go of those regret and nightmares. 

And on the last day of our past, we will leave each other's arms. 

"I hope when tomorrow comes, I am the one shining for you, like a star." He whispered. "I will be the one that will brighten your whole life. I will love you more, without remembering how I must love you. Tomorrow, I will love you because you are the star that shone on me, and that time, when we are going to spend our present together, I will be the one shining upon you." 

"I will miss you.." I murmured again. "I will terribly miss you, Snow."

He hugged me again. "When tomorrow comes, we will never miss each other, because that time I will never let go of you in my arms just how I am in yours now, Ter." He kissed my temple softly. "We should end the nightmare by waking up, and living to the reality."

"How about your knee? What is going to happen?" I asked, I am worried about his condition. I am worried that he'll come back what he used to be, by letting me go. He explained the things to me clearly, I am thankful that he haven't push harder, he made is soft and made my heart flutter a bit. 

"I will be the Jung Yonghwa. I will be the superstar Jung Yonghwa, for you, Ter." 

"I told you, don't--

"Don't say a word, I'm memorizing all the in your beautiful angelic face, I'm memorizing how you show your love for me, without any less." He tried to smile. "Don't forget that you are the most beautiful ballerina in the whole world, without a hair bun and without the perfect turns. You are the star that is shining on me." 

Don't forget that you are the most beautiful ballerina in the whole world, without a hair bun and without the perfect turns. You are the star that is shining on me.

Those were his last words to me, I never responded after that. 
Past is over.
And we are waiting, when will the present will start.

I have never responded what I should have said.
That he is the only person I never regretted meeting in our past. 
That even I cursed the chances, destiny and it's journey, I never regretted meeting and loving someone like him. 

Meeting and loving someone like Jung Yonghwa.
My star.
My Snow. 

____________________________________________________________________

It's the end now, we must say goodbye.

Into places under the same sky.

But the distance won't mean anything at all.

Don't forget, coz I still love you..

Sincerely yours,

Dokmishin