I gave the music that stuck on my mind these days. I prepared this piece to use on my performance today. All of the ballerinas inside with me, places their respected smiles for me. I smiled back, to Euna and to other girls.

This is competition.

I heard the voice inside my head. Mom's words are always becoming a part of my thoughts. I took a deep breath and place on my starting position. I smiled to the judges and let the music dictates my steps.

I cleared all my thoughts in my mind and concentrate. I closed my eyes and starts to feel the rhythm of the music.

I've been facing a lot of this scenario every week. When eyes are all on me, and I need to be the ballerina they want me to be. When I face more pressure, I tend to me more attentive and as much as possible I don't want to let them down.

I am down to tenth Fouetté en tournant, when they stopped the music. I was surprised, I opened my eyes. "I'm not finished, yet."

Once of the judges which came from London looked and pointed out my feet. "Are you even aware what's happening to your feet?"

"Pardon?" I asked and checked my shoes.

Again, lines made of bloods drenched my left shoe. I wasn't even aware I'm hurting my left foot. "This is nothing." I smiled. "Can I continue?"

"Lady Shinhye, maybe if I made you continue your Fouetté en tournant until the last turn you can do. Maybe you'll be hospitalized and get minor injury." She looked worried. "And I don't want that. You are going to be the greatest ballerina coming from this country."

I smiled at her.
I'm glad. "But is it okay? Even I didn't finish my piece?"

"Doesn't matter." She smiled back. "You must prepare everything for your life in London."

For your life in London.

My tears are answering back. I can't help it. Did she just say I'm so in? My goal. My life.
"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank us. It's your life. And your life is ballet." She stressed. "But you need to be careful with everything. Don't ever let your feet bleed like that."

I bowed. "I will. Thank you very much."

The judges stood up. "Then I guess we're through."

"Excuse me, but wouldn't you entertain the other ballerinas?' I asked.

"No. We just went here to see you." She smiled again.

"Pardon?" I bit my lower lip. "I thought all of us here will participate."

"We've seen all we wanted, on you." She tapped my bun carefully. "Don't mind the others, just concentrate on yourself, you going to achieve your dreams in London."

"But, that's not--

My Mom grabbed my arm. "Thank you for coming here." She said to the judges. "My daughter is too kind to the others, but don't worry because she'll be on focused on London."

She dragged my arm until to her room.

"You didn't tell me they are just here for me." I raged.

"Are you insane? Are you really putting your mind at your bleeding stupid feet?" She shouted.

"I know I'm good, Mom. I can be the best as you want me to be but I need a fair competition. I need good competitors, as you want me to be in a competition. But you are trapping me like this, like I'm doomed if others keep up with me." I sit to the nearest couch. "I just need you to believe me. Can't you just trust me? Like everyone does for me."

"Trusting leads to sacrificing your whole life that has nothing in return. I've always told you that. Life is a cruel monster."

"But I am your daughter, can you at least give me some considerations?" I paused. "Don't you ever feel concerned when my feet bleed?"

"I lost my sense of touch in my right foot back then and no one gave me any concern." She said strictly. "In this world, even if you die at this moment, no one will truly give you that concern you want. This is a cruel world, I told you Park Shinhye."

My Mom got injured while taking up stares and her life was vanished forever. Lost her touch in ballet, got nothing but cold words on the world. She was the best in her time too. Just like me at this time.
If the world has been bad to her, maybe as her daughter she might reciprocate everything.
But it's not, my Mom would be me feel like everything will lost if I lost myself.

"Don't worry Mom, I will be the best and fly to London."

***

"I've got tickets for the practice game of our basketball national team, wanna come?" Euna said to me excitedly. "I've got so much free tix."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Practice game of what?"

"Our national team, Shinhye! Don't tell me you don't know that they'll be going to Japan next month to conquer Asia?" She explained. "We need to support them!"

"Why would us?"

She sighed. "What can I expect with you? You are just a ballerina, period."

"Being ballerina is my all." I said. "And I don't have time for silly things like watching practice games."

"We're just going there actually to see the country's super athlete, Jung Yonghwa."

"Jung Yonghwa?" I smirked. "Sounds more like a captain of a ship than a player."

"He's the best, I tell you." Euna can't contain her giddiness. "He's perfect."

"Did I mention to you that I don't watch sports, especially basketball? Because I really find it a bore and it is like a child's play thing." I honestly said.

"If you don't have anything good to say then we're just going to leave." She smirked at me. "And congrats, you're off to London." She tapped my head.

"Enjoy." I reached her hand. "Thanks Euna."

"You are really a good friend of that Park Shinhye." Euna's friend said to her while they are on practice game.

"I am." Euna said.

"Aren't you jealous? She's the one who's going to London. What a perfect life she has."

"I think you are the one who's jealous to her." Euna giggled. "Let's go and watch the game."