I didn't realize that he left me already, after that random embraces from him. I thought I was going to die, out of breath. He made it clearly that he don't want me here, but I was full of pride saying he can do the or else. I didn't expect him, being like that. 

I'll be honest, I thought I was getting off what I planned. That embrace of him, I wanted that for myself too. I want someone to hug me. Norie hugged me too, but Yonghwa's warmth just made me caught off guard. 
And for one second, I felt shy for myself. 

I'll be honest but now, I am on myself now. 
I was confused by his warmth, but that doesn't mean it will not be done. 

In case he'll do that again to me, that embrace. 

I might give him the same warmth. 
I'm honest. I just feel crazier. 

***

I'm home. Norie's home. 
And I can't still forget what happened today. That Jung Yonghwa, he's really into something. He plays mind games, he does tricky touches. I hate it. Really. 

"Stop playing with your food, Shinhye." Norie stared at me, we're eating some porridge match with foods. It's a bit odd for normal people, but for us ballerinas, those foods are heaven enough. Way better than water. 

"I'm sorry." I apologized. 

"Where are you going these days? You keep getting out early." 

"Nothing." 

"But I'm glad you are going somewhere, you need those." She smiled at me, she is really the type of mother I wanted. Warm, sweet and gentle. 
But at the back of my mind, who am I to be demanding having a mom like Norie when personally I am not a perfect daughter. I sighed. 

"Why Mom became like that?" I asked at her, hoping that she will answer me. 

She smiled, those eyes of her meant thousands of reasons. I badly wanted to know all of this. Now. 
"She's always been like that, Shinhye. Your Mom was like that even I don't know her." 

"Why?" 

"I tried to understand her, back then. Maybe the pressure that put on her shoulders we're over her head. Just like what you experienced." She picked an apple sliced in pieces. "History of Parks in the world of ballet is way more cruel than basketball." 

"Then why are you blaming her?" 

"Because she had the control over the things. You don't have. That is the difference between you too." 

I took a deep breath. "I-I don't understand a thing, Norie." 

"The time all the anger vanished on your pretty heart, that's the time." She stood up. "In case you don't know, you have a very beautiful heart, Park Shinhye." 

Beautiful heart? What on earth was that for? I don't need it. I'd rather have an ugly heart with a working two feet dancing. I prefer that over this freakin heart. 

***

"Shinhye!" 

I was surprised that Woobin is actually on our training place, I saw him with Euna seeming irritated with him. I giggled at the back of my mind. He is really a push over guy. He likes Euna that much, even Euna keep pushing him away. I find them cute.
As if they are careless with everybody. 
I wish sometime, I can be that free. 
Somehow, I wish. 

"If you keep snuggling on her, I will never let you see me." Euna smirked. 

I didn't react, I rushed my step. 

"Snug?" He asked. 

"You heard me, Kim Woobin." 

Woobin broke off a very tasty laugh, I didn't know why he need to do that. I find it very weird. He is really weird. I thought he'll be angry. What a weirdo guy. "Euna, I think you are falling for me too, now."

"Dream on. You know how much I liked Yonghwa." She said. 

So, it is true that Euna likes Yonghwa. When? How? Why? I never thought Euna would be so out of ballerina world, seeing and meeting other people. People that completely different with us.
I envy her. 
As of now, she got it all. 

"What commotion is this?" I glanced and saw Norie. 

"Nothing, Miss Lee." Euna bowed to Norie. 

"Do you know that other people aren't welcome here? I mean, you've got a man here. This is a very open place for ballerinas. Open means." She sighed. "Euna, you know it." 

"Huh? This guy wasn't my visitor. He is Shinhye's guest. I don't even know why she let him in here, she's out of here already." Euna smirked at me. "But, Miss Lee, I'll say sorry on behalf of Shinhye." 

"Is this true, Park Shinhye?" Norie faced me. 

I didn't respond, it is nonsense reasoning out. Euna is really evil. Woobin remained silent. I don't like explaining, let them see it is all my fault. 
I'm tired of getting all these. 

I stepped out. 

"She's like that, Miss Norie." Euna said. "It's a good thing she didn't left for London." 

"Her token for not going to London doesn't mean you got in." Norie said. "Euna, I know you got this visitor. Stop lying or else I'll kick you out." Norie faced Woobin. "And you didn't stood up for Shinhye?" 

Woobin just remained silent. 

Norie left Woobin and Euna there. 

***

"Rule number one, you should stop burying your own self." Norie said to me, while I am pretending to breath the fresh air. Actually I can't breath, I'm scared. It is only Norie who claim me as me, I don't want to lose that faith on her. 

"Nothing will change." I whispered.

"There is. There is much change for that." She smiled. 

"Why are you so kind to me? You know that I can't dance anymore. I'm useless for your agenda. Stop doing this." My tears beginning to break out. "I don't want to become soft, because they will just squeeze me until my tears run out." 

"Shinhye, do you think you are hard now?" She sighed. "No, you're not. And I'll bet my whole life, you will never be that. Even you got anger in your heart, you will never have the urge to hurt the people you come to love." Norie hugged me. 

Warmth.
I felt warmth again.