I am walking slowly on the corridors of the hospital. All my thoughts and more thoughts are creeping like the lights in this hospital. I grip on the metal tube on the wall, supposedly for the blind and knee injured patients.
I don't have the reason to held it out but I'm doing my best.

I stopped and pull my leg up on the metal tube, I stretch my body. Pain starts to goes through my body, I don't know why.
It's like my mind is so eager to do it, and I know I can but my body is the one giving up.
Even I have to heart and mind, my body just can't get along. I slowly tip toed, but for the million times since the accident, I failed.
I clenched my teeth and grabbed the tube tightly, as if I want to break it and dragged on Jung Yonghwa's knee. I bit my lip and tears on my eyes begins to fall again. I cried so many times, I wished all of these are just nightmares. But I'm so helpless that even I cried hard enough, done is done. Nightmares turned ino reality. Even I cried myself out. Enough.

I finally made tired self on my room. I didn't open the lights because there's no sense even a million fireflies come flying on. Because as of now darkness conquered my life. Darkness inside and out.

"Where did you go?"

Mom.
It's Mom.

"Place where I can think." I shortly replied. "Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here." I crumpled my fist, the way she speak words are making me numb. To begin with, she's not really supposed to be here. For what? To scold me? To let me know how stupid I am again? I don't want to hear it from now. Not anymore.

"I wondered if you killed yourself already."

I tried to hold back my tears. Again.
Why is she like this? What am I to my own mother?

"You know Mom, I will never kill myself even you wanted to see me cold and not breathing." I whispered, but enough for her to hear. We are only in the small room, so I think she heard it loud and clear. "Even my mind tells me to die now. I will never do it. Even the world wants to vanish me, I will never do it."

She opened the light. I stared at her, my anger just made me look at her like this. "You wanted me to die now, right Mom?" I asked her.

"Even you are breathing now, you are like a dead person. You know what I mean Park Shinhye."

"I know." I shook my head. "Then I'll a dead person that breaths regret and anger."

"Life's cruel, Park Shinhye."

"Why I feel like you are the one dragging me to death, Mom?" I shouted in tears. "Shouldn't you be the one conforting me?!"

"Why would I comfort you?"

"Never mind." I said, there's no point talking to her. I gave up. She's been like this, I've been like this. I'm through. If she want me dead, then I'll never make her see me again. Just like a dead person. Starting today, I'll make my own road. "Get out."

She never respond. She never tap or caress my head. Not a single goodbye or even bye. She closed the lights and the sound of the lock just made me realize she's gone.

I smirked.
I'm her daughter for crying out loud. She treats me nothing though. She wants me dead.

***

"You're here." I whispered to him, while he is staring at the pure blue sky at the rooftop of the hospital.

He's wearing a vintage white sweatshirt, headphones on but the air through my whisper made him know I'm at his side. He looked so refreshed in the morning, good for him. "How do you know I'm here?" He asked me.

I smiled. "Why do you always asked 'how do you know I'm here'?" I walked unil the cement wall. "You don't own this hospital for heaven's sake, Yonghwa!"

"People don't usually find me or such." He stared. "Shinhye, don't tell me you are going to kill yourself again? I feel the way you stare."

I giggled, trying to kid him by sitting on the metal. "How come you know?"

"Stop fooling around."

I raised my hand. "I have a question." I paused. "You said you don't play anymore, why are you still using a wristband?"

He touched his wristband. "Having this won't make me play."

I diverted my mood. I don't want being happy. I don't want playing nonsense things with him. I want revenge. Now.

"Someone wants me dead." I smiled at him.

"Really? That's good." He replied.

I stared at him with so much anger and curiosity. "What?!"

"Because it's only someone." He stopped. "You're better off than me. Everybody wants me dead."

Everybody wants me dead

What the hell is he saying again?!

"Yonghwa!"

I saw the guy named Kim Woobin with Euna and the other girls from ballet. I was surprised that Euna visited me. But it made me thought for a second why they are in group.

Yonghwa turned to Woobin, as I went to Euna.

"Euna!" I held her hand.

She didn't respond.

"Euna!" I repeated, but her eyes are completely on Yonghwa.

"Choi Euna!" I shouted.

Finally she glanced at me, but completely from the eyes of Euna back then. They are changed.

"Get off me, who are you?" She shouted. "Girls, do you this girl?"

"Euna, are you kidding me?" I smiled.

"I don't know you."

"What's the matter here, Choi Euna?" Woobin interrupted, as he held my shoulders.

"You don't have a care on this Kim Woobin." She started to walk to Jung Yonghwa.

Yonghwa was just staring at us, he's a but far from me.

As Woobin left hand was clung on my shoulder, his free hand grip on Euna's wrist. "Don't walk like a snob, Euna."

"I'm going to London tomorrow and to begin with I don't know her."

I was shocked. London?
Euna will go to London?

"Choi Euna." My tears starts to fall, my dream. That's my dream.

"Ballet needs acting, Park Shinhye. I achieved it very well. London is for me, not you. Just go die." She smirked at me. Her glare just killed me.

Life's cruel, Park Shinhye