"Park Shinhye, get up." 

I opened my eyes immediately as I heard someone. I've been hearing 'Park Shinhye, get up' all my life. It's not a sweet good morning but more of a command. Get up. Wash up. And ballet up. 

"I said get up, now." 

"I'm coming." I said lowly. 

"It's already five in the morning and you should do what you need to do." 

It's five in the dawn, actually not morning. And I slept three am. My eyes are still drowsy and stuff. I'm not in the mood, maybe only for this day I should get some solemn sleep. Okay, I will not be greedy, just for five more minutes, maybe I could take a  nap. 
Just five minutes. 

I unconsciously closed my eyes and let the refreshing wind caught me to dreamland.
Just for five minutes. 

"I'll leave you if you wouldn't get up." That's the last thing I've heard from my Mom. 

I was alarmed when my phone rang. I am surprised. 
I shove everything away and press the main button of my phone. 5:15 am.

Okay, five minutes went with ten more minute extension. Actually it's a relief. I thought it's so so late. I guess my Mom didn't left me. I'm just fifteen minutes late. 
I took an immediate shower, tied my hair into a fixed bun and used my rugged ballet shoes. 

"Mom, I'm done." I said happily, as I walk downstairs. 

Oh shoot, lights are off. 
I am just fifteen minutes late, but she left me. Mom is really that cruel to me. 

I grabbed my bag and started walking in the streets. The sun is shining so brightly, maybe because summer is already here. I smiled. At least the sun wouldn't leave me, even the sun wanted too. 
The sun can't escape, because its purpose is to be a light to me. 

I love my Mom. She's been with me all through out. I don't have any Dad. I didn't bother to ask. In my twenty-two year existence here in the world, I have never ask it once. 
I was raised without a Dad but ballet was the one protected me, guided me and lifted me when I have problems. Dancing made my life. 

As I am walking slowly, a basketball just hit my rugged ballet shoes. This is not the first time encountering annoying kids playing so early in the morning with a nonsense sport. Playing a neighbors' game. I stepped on it and as always, I'm waiting for the kids to get it. I don't bother holding it up and search where it came from. 

As expected a little boy is in front of me. "That's mine."

"You should just get more sleep than playing." I said. 

"I'm not playing." The boy said to me. "I'm doing sport."

"A nonsense sport, perhaps?"

"Why are you wearing teared shoes?" He asked. "It looks awful"

"My feet looks more awful than the shoes, honey." I smiled and tapped his head. "I'm going now." I moved backwards and started to walk on my destination. 

***

"Stop going out with your nasty things and just concentrate on your training, Jung." His Dad said to him. 

"What's wrong with that? That's a part of my training." 

"No, that's not training your body but your weak heart to be weaker." He paused. "You're playing on the national team next month. You just made a legend, Jung. At your age, playing for the country is an achievement for our goal."

He smiled. "Yes, I'm playing for the national team. My goal." 

"You are so dedicated all your life with this, Jung. And this moment is the fruit of all." His Dad said with a straight face.

He nodded. "No one can stop me from doing that Dad. I promise you." 

"Don't promise. Do it." 

"Man, look at those rookies. I mean you are a rookie too but you just made it to the national team. How greedy can you be?!" Woobin, a sophomore in the league said to him. A friend and a brother in the court. 

"I am greedy, you know that." He smirked. "I want this and everybody want me to be like this." He answered. 

"You got in and you can play in all areas. I guess like father like son." 

"You woudn't be guessing right now if you too started shooting hoops since nursery. When everybody is learning numbers, I'm counting the unsent baskets and multiply it how many minutes I'm playing. And the answer will be the baskets I need to shoot." 

"Seems like a pressure since nursery."  Woobin pouted. 

"I always feel the pressure. And it's healthy I guess." He smiled. 

"It's not for almost everyone. You're really that greedy, Jung." He tapped his shoulder. "Maybe you should go play some hoops, greedy man." He passed the ball to Yonghwa. 

He got the ball carefully and sent it home. "Greedy man you say, but you know I'm nothing when I'm not holding a basketball."

"Who said that?" Woobin laughed so hard. "The world?"

"The world and my world." He wiped his sweat. "You are making me a dramatic one, Woobin. Snap it out."

He knows that.
He is nothing without basketball, that his life depends on this. 

A sweet lonely truth of being Jung Yonghwa.

***

"You're late, dear." Euna said to me, she was with the other ballerinas having some morning exercises. Euna has been so sweet to me and good. "Did your Mom left you again?" She giggled. 

"Fifteen this time." I played a teasing smile. 

"You should impress the judges coming later. So your Mom can forget that fifteen." She smiled at me and returned to her sessions. 

"Park Shinhye!" My Mom shouted. "Get to your locker, now." 

I followed her until to my locker. "I'm sorry."

She made me face my locker and began to tight my suit. As if I'm not breathing anymore. "Mom, I can't breath."

"You have a of breathing, for fifteen minutes this morning." She said and ribboned it. "Look at those girls, they can beat you because of your own stupidity." 

"We're not here for competition, Mom. I will just do my best and get it." I said carefully. 

"If you're not here for competition, then you are nothing. Every person here is on for a competition. When you can grab a chance don't you dare slip it off or you will be nothing forever. Understand?" She said so fearless. "You need to take our name more higher than what I did."

Yes, I love doing ballet. I love inspiring and bringing smile to the people who watches me sway but I don't think that this is more like competition. I dance because that's my heart is shouting. I sway and fly because that's my mind is singing. 
I do ballet because I do love dancing and swaying for the people. 

"Understand." I said even my mind doesn't agree. Maybe I'll try to be more considerate. maybe I'll try to figure out what competition is.

"Park Shinhye, you are nothing without these suit and ballet shoes wrapping your petite body. You need to win every competition life gives you, or else you will be nothing and will be forgotten. Understand?" She last said and left me. 

I know that.
I am nothing without ballet, that my life depends on this. 

A sweet lonely truth of being Park Shinhye. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

                                                                                 “The happiness of one does not mean the unhappiness of the others.”         
                                                                                                                  ― Paulo Coelho, Like the Flowing River