You know guys, as a person who doesn’t know how to…. Landi, ang hirap pala niya gawin.

     I’m not sure if I’m flirty enough kay Madrid o talagang hindi lang ako marunong.

     This hasn’t been brought up since the day before I confessed to her, bumalik lang siya sa isip ko kasi it seems like nothing is advancing with what’s going on between us, and it’s making me feel uneasy, should it be this slow? Hindi kaya nababagalan si Rid sa’kin?

     I searched online last night and isa lang nakuha kong sagot that made me feel calm,

     ‘Each relationship has its own pace’

     Siguro it will take me some effort to analyze what’s ours pero nabanggit ni Gi sa’kin earlier at school na, ‘Whatever or however, as long as you two feel happy’ she crankily said. Ang aga aga daw kasi tapos nag-aalala ako sa non-existent relationship namin ni Madrid.

     I haven’t said anything to her and Ning but I think they already know how it went kasi hindi naman ako tumakbo sa piling nilang dalawa later that night. And duh, sila kaya lifestyle coaches ko when it came to this whole ‘I like Madrid’ thing.

     It’s still too early to be sure of anything but as I said, as long as I’m walking in this path with her, I’ll be fine. Nothing changed naman and mas lalo nga ata kaming naging open sa isa’t isa when talking sa chat. That’s one good thing added to our foundation.

     Ayoko lang naman kasi na dumating sa point na, something’s lacking because of my shortage with knowing what to do or basically knowledge about the whole relationship thing. Oo nakakapag search ako every now and then pero hindi lang naman kasi ito yung laman ng utak ko 24/7, I have school, I have paper works, sooner or later pati pagsusulat ng chapter 1 for Thesis eh iniisip ko na din.

     I just don’t want to lack in anything when it comes with Rid.

     I don’t want to cross her boundaries because I didn’t know her limits.

     I don’t want to look unreasonable just because I don’t know what to do and again,

     I don’t want to lack kasi dun naman nagsisimula yung possible chance of her losing attention for me.

     In simple words, I don’t want to f*** this up.

     I can’t be perfect in this but I’m willing to do everything just to be decent at it. I already went through so much things just to reach where I’m at right now, it could’ve been traumatic if I didn’t have my people around me kasi una pa lang eh, nakakababa na siya ng tiwala sa sarili.

flashback ----

     I’m on a call with Ate El right now, she just got home and wala pa daw siya sa mood na gumawa ng kailangan niyang gawin kaya she insisted that I call her already.

     ‘So, you like her?’

     ‘I feel like it, yeah’

     ‘Good, at least aware ka na’

     ‘Ate’

     ‘Hm?’

     ‘Is it okay if….’ My voice faded. It makes me nervous to talk about things like this. Dahil siguro its purely my first time with the whole thing and ako pa yung nagkakagusto ngayon not like the usual scene na someone likes me.

     ‘If?’ Ate Elise urged me to continue, so I did.

     ‘I confess, that I like her and all?’

     ‘Oo naman, bakit naman hindi?’ I heard a hint of disbelied in her voice.

     Look, I grew up in a society that dictated that men should be the one showing their feelings for a woman.

     But contrary sa generation ngayon, girls can love girls and boys can love boys, hindi ba parang cancelled na yung dictation na who confesses first?

     Kasi ako I want to confess regardless of my gender.

     I wanted her to know even if it’s purely based off our judgement na she swings my way.

     ‘Eh kasi, won’t that mean na I’ll be pinning her down with the thought na sooner or later I might like her more than how I like her right now?’

     ‘Well, it’s up to her. If she likes you too then most probably, she’s open with having that kind of relationship with you. And if not,’ here comes the scary part.

     ‘Magdudusa ka mag-isa dyan kapag gusto mo pa rin siya. Mahirap magpigil ng pagmamahal Unique.’ I sighed. It frights me how this could end up so bad na I’ll lose myself while overcoming it, but still, if no one would risk, how would neither of us know?

     ‘Kaya pa? Isang tanong palang yun’

     ‘Keri pa’

     Madrid is a natural caring person kaya I wasn’t sure if I should see her words as a genuine kind of caring or was she flirting with me already.