I feel happy.

     I feel genuinely happy because of the girl walking right next to me, her arm linked around my elbow as my hand stretches out to still hold hers.

     I saw a glimpse of her fit earlier nung huminto siya sa tapat nina Ning. I thought she was just wearing a sleeveless shirt underneath her flannel but I knew earlier lang na cropped top pala to at nilalamig na siya. Siya nagsabi, hindi ako nag-aassume.

     At first, she was opting to button up but I stopped her. She looked too good in her top that I didn’t want her to kahit na lamigin pa siya dito, ginusto niya to, nagustuhan ko din, sorry ka Rid, you adjust.

     Kaya eto, our current state right now consists of us walking, her holding the paper bag I was carrying since earlier and our intertwined hands by her stomach as she said, ‘Para maharangan yung lamig’. I bet that’s her excuse to hold my hand near her lang…. not like I don’t like it. I’m happy nga diba.

     How can I not be happy when the girl I found to like is right here by me?

     I’m pleased that I took my time with overcoming the fears of accepting the fact na I might like her. That was what, almost a month long? 

     I talked with Ate Elise, with Ning and Gi, kahit nga si Ate nasasabihan ko na kapag wala naman siyang ginagawa.

     And all of them said something within the lines,

     ‘Just do it when you’re ready.’

     Look, I was eager to know as much as I was keen to the fact na I want to accept it- na I want to approach that thought of me liking her with optimism and expectations kahit pa nga I should not expect anything. It didn’t seem unlikely to me, everything wasn’t a blur, there was no grey area, I felt like I like her and I was feeling na she liked me too.

     The only risk was not knowing how much.

     But I stepped up, took the risk, took the chance, faced the possibility na she might only like me as a close friend kasi parang walang ganun si Rid na malapit lang.

     All of her friends are from Rizal and she told me that they rarely meet na kasi nga busy with their own lives and walang nakakapag-plan ng when, where and what.

     I did not have any other intentions than to let her know tapos saka ko na aalamin kung anong next move ko.

     If she’s not on the same page as me, edi go, I’m seeing myself as a romantic person pero if maaga pa, kaya namang pigilan. I can choose to push it away than for it to become a barrier for our friendship.

     And if she’s on the same boat as me, edi I’ll go along the flow and see where it goes.

     I’m not the type of person na ‘go with the flow’ ang motto sa buhay, but it seems like yun ang panghahawakan ko while I still learn how to do this whole like-love thing.

     I’m planning to learn more for my own good and syempre added na yung para kay Madrid. Yung para sa’min.

     First time ko i-acknowledge na I actually like someone kaya I hope na as much as I’ll tolerate myself to learn the things that go my way, sana she’ll support me kasi parang- parang sabay na namin tong haharapin eh. Isn’t that how it works?

     I like her, she likes me, doesn’t this mean we’re walking the same path now?

     Basta.

     I want to walk with her.

     Regardless kung saan kami dadaan, sinong madadaanan namin, anong madaanan namin, I want to walk this with her.

     I’ve never granted myself to love kasi it all felt wrong naman, dati it’s just boys liking me and kaya I never liked anyone back, they we’re all blurry and aimless kaya I learned how to pass them by.

     Nung nakalagpas naman ako dun, just this college, yes, the guys who wanted to court me had their intentions and determined sila. But it still just didn’t feel right.

     Kaya now that I feel na its right, I do hope na what I’m about to choose is right.

     Baka kasi ako talaga yung fit to show intentions, not the other way around.

     We decided to go back na sa parking since mag-7 na din pala. If I’m right we’ve been walking for about an hour or more na kaya I’m hesitating to ask if okay lang ba siya, she kept bugging me not to walk and just to sit down pero she managed to walk for an hour with me.

     ‘Rid?’ she hummed, I was going to ask if she’s feeling fine kasi maguiguilty talaga ako if masakit na pala yung paa niya, but her phone rang.

     She fished it out of her pocket without letting go of my hand, I grabbed the paper bag out of hers para hindi siya mahirapan, we stopped for a while para makausap niya yung mystery caller.

     ‘Si Mama’

     They talked quickly. Probably asking if she’s going home na since gabi na din, we didn’t even eat anything and lunch was hours ago. Hindi kaya siya gutom?

     ‘Nasan daw ako’

     ‘Hindi ka nagpaalam?’

     ‘Nagpaalam, alam pa nga nila na ikaw kasama ko.’ she cleared