“Trust me, Jonghyun-”

“I think you’ve already proven that you’re the only one I can’t trust, Luhan.”

“Shhhh-” Luhan said, pressing his hand against Jonghyun’s open mouth. “What happened in the past isn’t important. I thought we were friends, man.”

Jonghyun’s eyes widened as he pried Luhan’s hand off his mouth. “After you ruthlessly murdered George and took pictures of me looking like an elf?”

“Well, would you rather I go back to treating you how I did when you first stole my pen?”

Jonghyun froze. “I’m sorry, continue with what you were saying earlier.”

“ that’s what I thought. So, as I was saying, all you need to do is go up to Kibum and we’ll take care of the rest.”

“We?” Jonghyun asked hesitantly, afraid of hearing an answer. Luhan smiled slyly as he snapped his fingers. Jonghyun watched, confused, as a human skyscraper stepped out from behind a tree.

“Yo.” he said, voice deep.

“Jonghyun, meet Yifan. He’s gonna help me help you find love.”

“Why didn’t you just introduce us when we got to the park?”

Luhan shrugged. “More dramatic this way. Now all you need to do is go up to Kibum and talk to him. We’ll have him fawning over you in no time.”

“Do I want to know what you’re gonna do?”

“Look, Jonghyun, all you need to be concerned with is Kibum. Just go up there and tell him how you feel-”

“You’re being really strangely supportive, Luhan.”

“-and if all else fails, we’ll stab him in the .”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said ‘go up there and tell him how you feel’.”

Jonghyun gave Luhan a tentative look before getting shoved closer to Kibum, who was sitting leisurely on the park bench.

"Kibum?" Jonghyun asked hesitantly, less afraid of Kibum reaction and more of Luhan’s.

“Oh, hey Jonghyun. What are you doing here?”

“I- uh-” Jonghyun began, eyes finding Luhan slinking around behind the park bench. “Morning walk?”

“It’s almost 2 in the afternoon.”

“Late riser?”

Kibum nodded in understanding as Jonghyun glanced around the general area nervously, heart rate picking up when he saw Luhan holding a bow and arrow. He shook his head furiously at Luhan, the younger only screwing up his features to mock Jonghyun. Jonghyun wrung his hands as Kibum looked at him strangely.

“Is everything okay? You seem a bit… frazzled.”

“Yeah hahahaa everything’s okay why wouldn’t everything okay, maybe if someone was planning to ing kill my crush but ha whatever everything’s GREAT.” he shouted so Luhan could hear, the boy only rolling his eyes in response.

“Al...right?”

Jonghyun furrowed his brows in confusion as Luhan continued past the park bench where Kibum was, aiming his arrow at the person sitting on the adjacent park bench, reading innocently, oblivious to the psycho maniac behind them.

"LUHAN NO THAT'S THE WRONG PERSON-"

Jonghyun and Kibum both turned at Yifan's whisper-shout, one in mild curiosity and confusion, the other in complete and utter fear.

"SHUT UP YIFAN YOU'RE ING UP MY AIM"

"I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO UP YOUR AIM ANY FURTHER"

Luhan swung around angrily, his arrow pointing every which way and pulled back taught against his string. “WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PROVE HOW MUCH WORSE YOU’VE MADE MY AIM!?”

At that point there was kind of a mass panic as passerby ran screaming when they saw a crazy arrow wielding girl-boy shouting angrily- especially since he had a reputation around these parts for crazy accidents - and Yifan tried to calm Luhan down like one would try to calm down a wild animal by not staring it in the eyes and showing signs of submission but it’s not because Yifan is submissive he’s just placating Luhan.

Amidst all the screaming though, one good thing was happening- Kibum (who was still relatively new to Luhan’s idiocy) had quite literally jumped into Jonghyun’s waiting arms as soon as Luhan had pulled out his bow, and the two of them ran off to bond over the anxiety of knowing Luhan or even just merely being in his presence at any given time. It was seriously a wonder how the cupid wasn’t arrested yet to be honest.

Yifan sighed as he watched the two chickens run off. At least he had somewhat accomplished his job of getting the two together- if only physically at the moment.

“See? I knew it would work.” Luhan said smugly once the park had completely cleared.

“Wait what?”

“Master plan, my dear friend. I’m not as stupid as everyone makes me out to be.”

“I have to admit, Luhan-”

“OH MY GOD LUHAN THERE YOU ARE!” a voice screamed, Luhan turning to find Junmyeon rushing towards them in a straightjacket, a worried Yixing and amused Baekhyun in tow.

“And you guys on me for being weird.” Luhan muttered under his breath.

“KYUNGSOO PUT ME IN A ING STRAIGHTJACKET AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I CAN’T GET OUT.”

Luhan sighed, rolling his eyes as he began undoing the buckles on the straightjacket.

“Have none of you been in a straightjacket before? Like seriously… I’m here trying to do my ing job as a cupid and then you guys pull this on me…”

Junmyeon sighed in relief as he was able to pull his arms free, the limbs sore from being restrained for so long.

“How did you even get into one? You don’t peg me as someone who would get put in a mental asylum for some deranged crime- that is, unless you were hiding your real personality and we’re actually one and the same-”

“Dinner with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.”

“Um, what?”

“We had dinner with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol? Well, it started out with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol but then Yixing came over and then I got put into a straightjacket and then we went to Baekhyun’s-”

“You had dinner… without me?”

“Nononoooo it’s not like that Luhan-”

"Well, you can get yourself out of this." he grumbled as he pulled the sleeves taut, Junmyeon groaning as his arms were bound back.

"Maybe next time you'll think of your dear old Lu-Lu hyung first before you decide to have dinner without him."

A/N

i've always wondered if you guys can tell who was writing the A/N before you saw the little -byunsbaekery/texturedjeans thing tbh
alllsssoooooo
guess who gets to leave the cold goose infested wasteland that is canadia
BOTH OF US (man i'm gonna miss all the maple syrup i have to slosh through everyday in the streets)
the next update will (hopefully) still go up on monday tho
we'll try our best to get things done
it might (and probably will be) the last chapter of the story 

DUN DUN DUUUUNNN

thanks for everyone to subscribes, commented, and upvoted!
<3 y'all

- byunsbaekery and texturedjeans