“Wait,” Sehun spoke up, “why are we even here?”

“I dunno, Junmyeon just called me and said to come over,” Luhan said whilst tearing open a box of pepero with some degree of difficulty.

“I NEEDED HUMAN INTERACTION OKAY”

Sehun raised an eyebrow. “What about Baekhyun and Lay?”

“They don’t count.”

“BABY HOW COULD YOU!?” Baek screamed, jumping up to point an accusing finger at Junmyeon. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON’T COUNT? I ALWAYS COUNT? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAAAALLLLL!”

“Bustedddddd,” crowed Luhan.

“Uh uh uh,” Junmyeon stammered, frantically trying to think of an excuse. “It doesn’t count because you’re an um, angel? So it can’t be human interaction because you’re such a glorious saint oh god I don’t know please don’t hurt me.”

“AWWWWWWWW I KNEW YOU LOVED ME~”

“Ugh I would honestly trade Minseok for Baek any day.” Sehun groaned.

“Please do,” Junmyeon said, “at least Minseok isn’t obsessed with makeup.”

“At least Baekhyun isn’t obsessed with some 10 year old Luhan brought home.”

“Wait whut.”

“I wouldn’t say obsessed. More like maternally protective. He is our child now, Sehunnie.” Minseok interjected.

“Speaking of which, where is little Jongin anyways?” Luhan asked.

“Jongin wanted to spend the day with Mrs. Oh.”

 

“Ahaaaaaaaaaa GUESS WHO’S GETTING A 10 YEAR OLD STEPFATHERRRRRRR?”

“LUHAN YOU RAGING ONE MORE WORD AND I WILL CUT YOU.” Sehun shouted, grabbing Luhan’s collar.

“Oh, Sehun," Luhan began with a sickly sweet smile, "you seem to forget, I’m the one with the arrows. Do you want more people fawning over you? I can make that happen. Or maybe you want to fawn over someone else? How about your dear old hyung? I’m sure you’d make a better man slave that way. I could definitely use someone to do the heavy lifting for me. Can’t let my pretty little hands get scathed, now can I?”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

Junmyeon coughed awkwardly. “Actually Sehun, I wouldn’t try him if I were you. Just- just let it go. For everyone’s sake.”

“That’s right, BIAATCHHHHH” Luhan shouted at Sehun, thumping his chest in a show of manliness.

Sehun sat back down reluctantly, leaning into Minseok’s touch as the elder wrapped his arms around the younger as Luhan brandished an arrow in his hand.

The group sat in awkward silence, none of them daring to speak up against the crazed cupid, the boys perking up at the sound of a doorbell ringing.

“Oh, great, just in time.” Luhan chirped, jumping up to answer the door.

“What’s in time for what?” Junmyeon asked, slowly getting up from his seat warily.

Luhan smiled as he swung the door open, revealing a tall man, hair a dirty blond colour, in nothing but a bedazzled diaper littered with poorly made uneven hearts out of construction paper.


“Yifan!” Luhan chirped, giving the boy a hug.