"Alright, listen up everyone, we have a serious problem."

As per usual, no one listened.

"Luhan is dying."

At this announcement, a few shouts of:

“Good.”

“FINALLY"

and "OH MY GOD YOU BETTER NOT BE TING ME KYUNGSOO I’M ORGANIZING A FUNERAL PARTY RIGHT NOW AND I’M INVITING EVERYONE ON MY CONTACTS LIST"

were heard.

Only Kris seemed mildly concerned - save for the fleeting glance of panic Minseok threw at them -  both at the prospect of a dying Luhan and the fact that even though everyone in the room had been quote-unquote friends with Luhan for at least a year, no one else was concerned.

If Kyungsoo was Kris, and if Luhan was almost anyone else except maybe Hitler, Kyungsoo would’ve been worried too. Unfortunately for Luhan, Kyungsoo wasn’t Kris, and Luhan wasn’t anyone but Hitler, and Kyungsoo really never understood the obsession Kris had with Luhan, even since the days at Cupid school, where the three of them, with an addition of Junmyeon, were friends, so Kyungsoo really wouldn’t be that upset if Luhan was about to die.

Luhan was, if it was even possible, even crazier back in their overly pink cupid world (and no one understood how Kris dealt with him), running his own shady, black market business dealing - wait for it - lamp shades.

(sPOOOOKKKYYYy)

Kyungsoo made a mental note to talk to Kris about it later, but for now he had to stop the rest of the room from what they were in the process of doing: balancing on the edge of the couch with their shirts off, shouting whatever they would not miss most about Luhan when he kicks off. (A/N shoutout to anyone who can guess what some of these are in the comments)

"Okay Junmyeon you might want to hold up on those party plans," Kyungsoo said, waving a hand around as if to try to get everyone to calm down. "Luhan isn’t actually dying."

"waiT WHAT"

"WHY NOT"

"THAT’S TERRIBLE"

"WE CAN FIX THAT"

"Yeah I know, I know, and Junmyeon that last comment was concerning to say the least, why am I the murderous one when you have a voodoo doll of every single one of us hanging on your room’s bathroom mirror?"

Sehun’s eyes widened. "Wait what."

"Sehun-ah, you didn’t know? Junmyeon  even taught me how to make them. Now I have my own growing collection of them too," Minseok said, patting Sehun on the cheek lightly as the maknae’s eyes grew until they were almost the size a normal person’s eyes would be when squinting into the sun.

"Oooookay now that’s concerning," Kyungsoo said, making another mental note to check up on Junmyeon and Minseok too when he had the time. For now though, "Luhan is only dying mentally."

"He’s been dying mentally for as long as any of us can remember." Junmyeon deadpanned, and everyone, even Kris, nodded.

"Yeah but like, more so now. He’s outside right now, spending time with small children." Kyungsoo’s voice rose in panic with every syllable.

Just then, Lay got a notification on his phone about the news and weather like he always did, and he held it up slowly for everyone else to read.

The article’s headline read:

CRAZED TEENAGER PROVIDING FREE BABYSITTING SERVICE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF TWELVE SUPER GLUE PIZZA COUPONS ON CHILDREN’S HEADS AFTER SHAVING ALL OF THEM BALD AND LAYS OUT A SATANIC CIRCLE WITH THE HAIR DEEP FRIED AND DRIZZLED IN MAYONNAISE, MILITARY TANKS BROUGHT INTO THE SCENE

A/N

Sorry the update was a few hours late guysss