I was discharged from the hospital four days after I’m giving birth to baby Ji Yong and I carried him in my arms when we were going back to my apartment. Mother and father wanted to carry our cute little Ji Yong so I gave him to them and they look very happy seeing our Ji Yong’s face. Little Ji Yong is an angel sent from heaven and this was the feeling of being a mother. Just after the day I gave birth, my friend Emily went back home to the Philippines because she missed her little baby.

Days passed and I kept on adjusting myself of taking care of our baby until I got used to it. Sometimes it was difficult and sometimes it made me happy seeing my baby’s face. Yoochun kept on going to the hospital for treatment and he insisted on me to come with him. I got his point that taking care of our baby was a priority but I wanted to support him and also take care of him. Though in his current condition, he was so understanding and thoughtful that I loved him so much. That is why back in our country, in his family hotel businesses, employees and staffs never questioned him and he was so considerate that they used to love and respect him as their boss. Now I saw what they saw and realized that it would be better that his condition never happened. Seeing Yoochun was kind of different, too many changes, especially in his body appearance. He became thinner than before and his hair was lesser. Sometimes I saw bruises in his thighs, upper arm, back of his body and some parts of his body that was visible. Every time I bathed him, rubbing his back, I cried secretly pretending that I was okay but I am not after seeing him so thin and bruises in his body. There were times that he told me that he wanted to stop the treatment ‘coz he was starting to feel tired but I pushed him not to ‘coz deep inside me, I was scared and knew what will happen.

Our baby got healthy but Yoochun’s condition got worse in just a month. And that time, he tends to fall occasionally. His father visited us everyday and talked to me about his condition. It was a tough one to hear that his getting worse. One day, when we were watching a movie in the living room, Yoochun suddenly told us.

“I want to go home.”

We were surprised when he told us that he wanted to go home. I saw that he was serious about that he’s not begging for us to go home but he really wanted to go home. In a moment of silence, everyone’s in the living room didn’t say a thing so I cracked the mood.

“When do you want to go home?” I asked him.

I also wanted to go home back to our country but it’s not for my own intention, I wanted Yoochun to go home where he will be comfortable. “Next week.” He replied.

“Okay, I will tell father and fixed everything for our travel.” T.O.P. said.

“Thank you, brother.”

“It’s nothing. I want you to go home as well and I waited for you to tell us.” T.O.P. said and he went out heading to their father’s place.

That was the perfect time to go home because Yoochun’s body started to get weak and maybe he can no longer travel for a long flight. I don’t know what to feel and I just grabbed his head and let him lean on my chest. When I hugged him, he really loses weight and his bones starting to get prominent. My tears can’t hold so I just let myself cried even he’s telling me not to. I am not crying because of what I thought, I cried because I am sad and there was a feeling that I’m going to miss him. He hugged me back and got a time to tease me that I gained. Though I felt irritated but I didn’t ‘coz it was not the time to argue and fight… I want to make memories with him.

T.O.P. fixed everything, our plane tickets and Yoochun’s physician medical certificate that he can travel back to the Philippines. T.O.P. wanted to buy a wheelchair but Yoochun didn’t want to. He was able to walk in his condition and he looks perfectly fine in terms of mobility.

When everything was set, we did travel back to Philippines together. I sat beside with Sheryl and Erika while mother and T.O.P. sat beside Yoochun. Their father decided to left behind to finish their business’ project and promised to go back home right away when all was done. In a long flight, it wasn’t as smooth as we expected due to some turbulence and Yoochun was enduring the pain and also, vomited. We were lucky that T.O.P. and mother were there to help him. How much I wanted to comfort and help him relieved the pain, all I did was to watch him endure. It was painful, too painful that he’s in that state of condition.

We arrived in Cebu, Philippines late afternoon and headed to my hometown. Before we arrived in Manila, Yoochun wished to go back in Cebu and stayed at my hometown that is why we went directly back to Cebu. Another long road travel for it and, us going there was a good thing that Yoochun slept while on the road. My friends went home to their place and I am pretty sure that they were so tired from the long flight. Everyone was tired and as we arrived, mother took my little Ji Yong and she told me to take care of Yoochun. He was sitting on the couch while I took some of his clothes for him to change. I boiled water, took a face towel and an alcohol. I can’t asked him to take a bath ‘coz he was too tired from the flight and also his condition. He sounds asleep while I wiped him with a soaked face towel. As I wiped his body, he started chilling so I hurried upstairs to take a thick blanket and put on him. I didn’t finished wiping him and let him sleep ‘coz the weather in my hometown was somewhat cold on January. While he was so asleep, I went upstairs and inside my mother’s room. Both of them were sound asleep and came closer to my little Ji Yong, looking at his face. I the air conditioner ‘coz mother started to sweat and maybe little Ji Yong will wake up because of heat. I kissed my little Ji Yong a goodnight sleep and went back downstairs. I took all our clothes from the luggage and started to do the laundry. The night was too deep when I finished the laundry and I looked at the time it was already 11p.m. and finally, I am back to where I used to be.

Every weekend we went home at my hometown ‘coz Yoochun wanted to stay there. He told me once that he felt he was at home when he lived in my hometown. Fresh air, quite place, and people around there were good and hospitable. But on weekdays, we stayed in the city for his treatment in the hospital where I worked before. I came to visit my workplace and saw Dara still kicking but she’s now the new head department of the blood banking while Jessica and Daesung became a couple. They welcomed me even they were on duty and I was so grateful that they were concerned about Yoochun’s condition. Things were changed almost a year I left this place so Yoochun and I would make all the most of it.

For too many treatment that Yoochun undergone, he finally told me that he couldn’t take it anymore after five months since he began it here in Cebu. Yes, he never got better and he became weak. His body got light and thinner and his hair gone. He always wore a bonnet everyday ‘coz he doesn’t want me to see it. I promised to myself that I won’t cry and only those happy smiles and memories for us. Yoochun has accepted his fate that he will die and he still smiled the most of the days that were together. Our little Ji Yong made him happy every time our baby smiled at him, react to him, and play with him. I knew Yoochun was afraid of his fate leaving us alone. Sometimes, I saw him cry alone staring at the sky during afternoon when he wanted to sit on the wheelchair. My heart was really painful, fate stabbed me a thousand times every time I looked at him but I need to endure it.

September came, and the rain started to pour down when my friends, Emily, Erika and Sheryl, then Yoochun’s father and T.O.P. with his bestfriend Donghae came to pay visit. They brought plenty of food and I teased them all of them will get fat. Father hugged Yoochun tightly and the girls dragged me upstairs inside my room.

“What are you doing?” I curiously asked.

“You’re going to change clothes.” Erika answered.

I held up my clothes as they try to undress me. “Okay… I can do it.” I said.

Someone knocked on the door and Emily opened it then she had this Mango brand paperbag. “Wear this.” She said.

I opened it and a formal silky black dress with a beautiful design came out with my hand. “Am I going to funeral?” I teased in a question form.

“Silly! We’re having a formal dinner tonight.” Sheryl said.

They went out the room as I wore the dress, do my hair and, put some a little make-up. Maybe Yoochun’s father wanted to make it an elegant dinner and I’m not used to formal things. I went out from my room as soon as I was done and Emily exclaimed, “PERFECT!” I was surprised that they also changed. We went downstairs together and our place was transformed. There were lots of scented candles, white and red roses, and the table was set-up to a candlelight dinner with a basket of tulips at the center of it. Everyone was dressed beautifully. Mother wore a beautiful red dress, Erika on a white and black dress, Sheryl wore an elegant yellow dress, Emily on a light-blue one then the men were in suits. My fiancé wore such a beautiful tuxedo while he’s on a wheelchair and T.O.P. pushed to came closer. Yoochun took my hand and he smile but instead of smiling him back, I knelt down and kissed him. I heard everyone shuddered in delight and Yoochun was too happy.

We had our dinner, munch some the famous delicious food in Cebu, Lechon, and had wine afterwards. Such plenty of food were prepared and most of it were Yoochun’s favorites. He most likes pasta and Korean dishes so half of it consists of Kimchi, Black Noodles, Kimbap, Bibimbap, and more.

“Everyone, listen.” Yoochun called our attention. “I want to thank you for being with us here… at least we are gathered for the last time. But, what I want for everyone to know is that…”

I looked around and they were all smiling. It looked like that they already knew what Yoochun would say.

“That… I want to get marry with Kioko as soon as possible.” He said.

It caught me in surprised that I haven’t say anything about marriage. My heart pumped so hard and fast, and my happiness reached to Nirvana. I can’t explain what I feel but I only felt that I am so happy that I’ll get married soon.

“Yes! When?” I asked in an excitement.

“Well, well, look who’s excited.” Erika teased.

“Next week.” Yoochun answered.

In my excitement, I can’t hide my happiness that I hugged Yoochun so tightly and he kissed me. In my life, I wanted to have a partner till I get old but this one was different. I don’t care if my partner can’t live with me together but the thing is, I’ll love him forever.