Time goes on and I spent my new life with my mother and T.O.P. who became our family. T.O.P.  took care of me even it was only a month had passed after I knew that I was pregnant. He never failed to come in my apartment unit and cooked for us before he went to his appointment. Mother had more spare time for her life when T.O.P. did the kitchen work. We were happy especially me who was so excited to see my baby. I told the head department in my work about my pregnancy and I scheduled my maternity on my six-month of pregnancy as T.O.P. told me so. Everything was settled and all I waited was my baby to come out.

Everyday, T.O.P. sent and fetch me to work and to my place, and vice versa. After his appointment, he right away went to my workplace and brought some milk and my vitamins, especially iron. Sometimes, we stopped by at the park to relax and toss a coin in the fountain. T.O.P. brought me to mall sometimes to buy some baby stuffs but I didn’t because we don’t know yet the gender of the baby. Every time I looked at T.O.P. in every day, I used to feel that he would be a good father someday but what disturbed me most was I felt that I kind of love him… maybe it was just that he’s always there for me or I became dependent to him.

FOUR MONTHS LATER

We were at the hospital for the ultrasound and finally we knew the gender of my bay… it was a boy. I was so happy that my baby boy was healthy and I shed tears when I got to know my baby. T.O.P. hugged and even kissed me on the cheeks, and mother cried for joy that she knew that her grandson was healthy. The doctor reminded me to exercise and avoid stress but T.O.P. assured the physician that he would take care of that.

We went home with happiness and mother went to the kitchen to cook some delicious food to celebrate. T.O.P. wanted to help mother but she insisted that she would like to cook for us and told him to attend at my needs while I waited. T.O.P. brought me a bottle of milk for nourishment.

“I won’t be happy this much Kioko. If I didn’t agree to be the father then I can’t experience this kind of happiness.” T.O.P. said.

“Come on, T.O.P. You’re always there for me so you’ll have the right to feel that kind of feeling that I feel too.” I said.

With the joy that I felt and the guy who were always with me, I gave T.O.P. a hug which he deserved too.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“Thank you for always there… for me. I don’t know what would I do if you weren’t here. Maybe mother and I would have a hard time.” I answered.

“It’s alright, Kioko.”

“But, tell me… what was your reason why you accepted my stupid offer?”

T.O.P. got silent and he stood up going to the kitchen area. Every time I asked him about that he tend to avoid it. I don’t know what he was thinking but I know there was something fishy about it. When he came back to the sofa, I looked at him still waiting for an answer. T.O.P. avoided me again so I snapped.

“Why are you avoiding me? I kept on asking you this question for five months and you never gave me an answer.”

He turned back and said. “Because you will not like what I’m about to say.”

“I don’t care so tell me!” I exclaimed.

He sighed and came closer to me said. “I don’t want to hurt you Kioko. The reason I wanted to be the father your child because…” he was cut down when mother called us for lunch.

T.O.P. answered my mother that we were coming and he helped me up from the sofa because my tummy was somewhat big. I was caught hanging and with just that, I was so eager to know what was his reason. The table was full and mother was serving vegetables, fruits, milk and fried chicken. We had dinner together and mother was so talkative about our little boy on what name would be suited for him. I found it a little bit pressured but my mind doesn’t focused into that thing yet it was all about how can I manage my pregnancy which it all started to show that my tummy was getting bigger.

With the help of T.O.P., my pregnancy felt like it was smooth because he knew how to handle it and I became dependent because of him. He made my life easier with stuffs such as cooking and when I wanted to go out from my nest, he came along with me just to ensure that I was okay and safe. Day and day, T.O.P. became like a father to my child and I felt that I couldn’t live my life without him. Even though he was busy with all of his appointments, he never failed to come at my aid.

But… deep inside me, I wanted to be with Yoochun doing all this stuffs like what his brother did. I don’t know if he knew that he had a baby from me but it doesn’t matter anymore. My life now revolved with the baby boy that I was carrying right now. I set aside everything about my issues and got into with my pregnancy life.

One day, as I headed to work, I suddenly asked T.O.P. about the future like what would be like when the baby came out. He just laughed at me and said, “You shouldn’t think that yet because before that, you’ll need to experience the pain of labor.” About the labor thing, I was afraid of what would happen if I could do it or not. I knew it was very painful like you can’t compare it to any pain.

“I am thinking of caesarian.” I told.

T.O.P. laughed at me. “You really think that caesarian is the best option to escape from pain?”

“Well, yeah!”

“Come on! When you started to feel contractions then that’s it. You can feel severe pain before you labor.” He said.

“Then inject me with anesthesia!” I exclaimed.

“You’re funny.”

I gave out a sighed because what I thought was frankly stupid. Thinking about the pain of labor wasn’t bearable. I wished someone would punch me so that I would be knocked-out.

“Kioko, what if Yoochun knew that he has a baby from you? What will you do?” T.O.P. suddenly asked me and got me stunned for a moment.

“I don’t know.” I answered. “For five months, I felt that I move on from what happened between us. All I’m into right now is my baby. If he knew then let it be. It’s up to him if he came here and became a father.”

“What if he denied the baby?” T.O.P. continued to ask.

“Well, it’s not a matter that he denied it or not. If he can’t then move on.” I answered.

It was out of the blue that T.O.P. asked me some questions about Yoochun and the baby, which I never heard from him mentioning about his brother’s name except regarding their project. I knew that these questions would burst out from him but what made him asked.

“Is this related to the reason why you agreed to be the father of his baby?” I asked.

T.O.P. was in deep thought when I asked him and he suddenly stopped from walking. “Kioko.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you.” He said.

“Tell me what?” I questioned.

“I told my brother about the baby before I agreed to be his father.”

It didn’t surprise me at all because deep in my heart, I knew that he already told Yoochun. “I know.” I said.

“How did you know?”

“Come on T.O.P. I had a feeling that you already told him and didn’t believe you.” I answered.

“No… he believed that the baby was his.”

“Then, why he didn’t come here just to talk things about the sake of our baby?” I asked.

“He was mad at you and doesn’t want to see you anymore. I tried to convince him to talk things out but he don’t want to and he will not take responsibility for the baby.”

When I heard about it, it broke my heart again… not for me but for my baby. It seems that he doesn’t want to have connection with me anymore so he won’t take any responsibility to our baby. But it seems odd that he won’t because as far as I know, Yoochun was a responsible man… but why? Questions bothered me so much why he doesn’t want to see his baby or us.

“I decided to take his role as a father because I don’t want you and your baby to have difficulties. And if not, whom he will recognize a father? Sooner, your baby will find out every parts of the truth, Kioko.”

“Then, let’s tell him the truth that his father don’t want him!” I exclaimed.

I was upset and walked fast as I could and T.O.P. kept on saying to slow down but I didn’t listen until someone bumped me. I almost fell down when T.O.P. catched me from falling. A flicker of pain I felt in my tummy and I realized that, T.O.P. was only the person who came along and helped me.