The event last night was somehow revealed to me some flaws of meeting Yoochun from the first place. The thought that I figured out that Yoochun was up to something and I don’t have the guts to ask him personally nor texting him. What happened last night didn’t sink in and it left me with many questions.

T.O.P. told me that Yoochun is his half-brother from his father and before he came in to the household of Park, he already knew that Yoochun would hate him. T.O.P.’s mother was a e and decided to quit that job and spent the rest of her days raising T.O.P. in a good way. T.O.P. told me that his mother confessed about being a e and a son of one of the richest man but T.O.P. doesn’t have any intentions to know where and who his father was until her mother died. T.O.P.’s father knew all what happened to her mother and also about him and one day, his father took him into his household as one of his but T.O.P. didn’t claim himself as Park.

All that happened to their family wasn’t my concern but it concerned me about my situation. What I want is to know about Yoochun’s hidden agenda. I know that he already knew that I was seeing T.O.P. from the very start but why?

“Kioko, are you okay?” Dara asked me while I spaced out from my chaotic thoughts.

“Yes, I’m okay.” I answered and started to get busy with work.

Even I tried myself to get busy, my thoughts were all hanging… that needs an answer. The only thing that I should need to do is confront him.

When my shift has ended, I walked home to my apartment. I went to my bed right away because my work exhausts me. I tried to sleep but my thoughts were rumbling about the situation so I started to type a message to Yoochun to meet me then my phone rang and Yoochun’s name appeared. I wasn’t prepared when I saw his name, calling but I still picked up hi call.

‘Kioko, we need to talk.’

‘Yes, we really need to talk. Meet me SM City Cebu at 6pm, sharp.” I commanded and hanged up the call.

I changed my clothes to casual and headed to the mall. I arrived at the mall around 5:30pm and waited for him to call. I went to National Bookstore and looked for a nice novel book while waiting. I saw one book that captures entitled “The Fault In Our Stars” and me. I bought the book and checked on my phone for Yoochun’s message. He was in the mall and he’s in the Bigby’s restaurant. As soon as I read his message, I hurried to the restaurant. My feeling was nervous and uneasy ‘coz I don’t know what he’s going to say. I went inside the restaurant and went to his table as soon as I arrived in the restaurant.

Yoochun was silent and so am I. we don’t know who’d going to start the conversation until the lady asked us if we already ordered. Yoochun ordered a hot tea and Fudgie Sensation, a warm chocolate brownie with vanilla ice cream on top, and then he started to speak.

“Kioko, I know you were wondering last night about me and Seunghyun.”

“If you knew who Seunghyun was then why did you dare to ask me who he was?” I frantically asked.

“Calm down, I’m going to tell you everything.” He said.

Yoochun was uneasy just like me as I saw his composure shattered in front of me. I tried to hold up my nervousness and acted like I wasn’t affected, though I was affected.

“I knew everything after I confirmed about you and Seunghyun that you met him at Kuala Lumpur. The reason why I came back to you after I left you in Starbucks Coffee after I returned your organizer was to steal you from him.” He confessed.

When I heard his reason, I got furious and wanted to hit his head but we’re in public so I say no to that.

“Steal me? Do you think that I’m a thing that you can steal whenever you want? And besides, there’s nothing between me and T.O.P. so…”

“To you, there’s nothing but to Seunghyun, there is.” He interjected.

I was shut and thought about what he said. Daesung was right! I don’t know what I felt for T.O.P. but how about T.O.P.’s feelings for me and it looks like Yoochun knew it.

“There’s nothing between me and T.O.P.!” I insisted.

“You are wrong Kioko. The way T.O.P. acted to you isn’t just a friend.” He said.

“And how did you know that?” I asked.

“He told me last night after the event. He went to my room and told me about you and him.”

“There’s no him and me.” I clarified. “I don’t know what to say about this Yoochun. The fact that you already knew me and hid about your relationship with T.O.P. was all planned.”

“Yes! It was all planned Kioko. I planned it to steal you from him. I was angry with Seunghyun that father favors him than me. The freedom he has, the profession that he desired, and the girl that he loves were served right away in his platter. But me, I was concealed and used to follow my father’s will and…”

“I don’t care about that Yoochun. What I care is that you tricked me with your plan. I tend to listen and empathize but it looks like I’ve been a fool.” I interjected.

“But, Kioko, everything that I planned turned out to …”

“I don’t want to hear more lies Yoochun. What I heard now is enough for me to think that I was been fooled.” I said and took my money on the table. “I’ll pay for my tea and the chocolate brownie.”

I took off and left Yoochun behind because I can’t take my anger due to what I heard from him. It wasn’t easy to know the truth and it hurts me. I walked fast and went out the mall, rode the taxi and headed back to the apartment.

As I arrived, I cooked for dinner and ate while watching TV. I washed the plates then after I hit on my bed. I checked on my phone and saw T.O.P.’s new message. I didn’t open it instead I turned off my phone. I decided to lay low from them and focused on my life. I am here in the city to earn money for survival, not to hang around with guys whom I met for just month. Then, the door was knocked.

“Kioko, I know you are mad but please don’t shut me out.” T.O.P. said.

I went to the door but I didn’t open it, I switched off the lights and leaned on the wall.

“I don’t know all about my brother’s agenda. I was surprised when you mentioned his name yesterday that’s why I walked out from you just to confirm from Mr. Kim if you and Yoochun met for days.” T.O.P. explained.

I listened to his explanation but I didn’t buy it. I kept on listening to what he said and I don’t know if I should believed him or … whom to believe with but only myself. My life will soon to be complicated. My feelings, my thoughts, were rumbling and soon my head will burst from it.

“If you don’t want to talk with me then I’ll give you time until you will feel okay.” He said.

I heard his footsteps then it faded and I went back on my bed, sad and lonely in this darkness. With these frenzied thoughts, I decided not to know what I felt for Yoochun or T.O.P. because I know I’ll end up hurting.

Hurting because I might assume that they will feel the same as I was. Yoochun has already a fiancé and T.O.P. don’t but he’s more of a happy-go-lucky person. If I should decide and recognize on what I felt then I put my life to misery because their father won’t allow them to get involve with me. The reason that I don’t have an answer because I am afraid of what will happen between me and to the one that I might love.