The room was dark as I woke up from my long rest and thank God that my fever subsided. My legs had the strength to stand up and I headed to where the switch was. I the lights and looked at the clock, it’s 4am. The last time that I know was 3pm, yesterday, before Yoochun and Mr. Kim left me. It’s all worth it that I slept long and rested. I sat down and ate the food that Mr. Kim left for me. My taste has returned but it’s less delicious now because the food was already cold. I finished all the food as I satisfied my hunger and threw the styrofoam in the trash can.

There were plenty of new messages, mostly are from Dara and T.O.P., ten missed calls from T.O.P. and Instagram notification, as I checked my phone. I read the messages one by one. Dara was worried because I didn’t go to work yesterday; there comes Erika’s message asking for my off-duty and T.O.P.’s messages asking me where I am, wanna have some dinner and etc.

I put away my phone and took a half bath. After, I changed to my job uniform, do my hair and make-up, and waited for my shift. The sun was about to rise and the sky was starting to light up.

When the clock’s hand reach 6:30am, I took off from my apartment and saw T.O.P., waiting for me to come out. He waved his hands as he saw me coming out and I gave him my morning smile.

“Good morning.” I greeted him as I came out the gate.

“Good morning.” He replied.

We walked together going to the laboratory and he started to ask.

“Why you didn’t answer to my messages yesterday?”

“I was sick yesterday.” I answered.

I caught him by a surprise and he touched my forehead and my neck if I still have a fever. He was a bit worried and looked at me closely with those doubtful eyes.

“I am fine, T.O.P.” I assured. “I rested for long hours.”

“If you have a fever yesterday, so who took care of you?” he asked.

“At first, no one came to my aid until I saw my friend taking good care of me when I woke up late afternoon.” I answered.

“And who’s friend of yours?”

“You don’t know but at least I can tell you his name.”

“Who?”

“His name is Yoochun. I met him a more than a month ago. He’s a…” I looked at my left side and he wasn’t walking with me anymore. When I turned back, I saw him standing and he seems to space out.

“Hey! What are you doing there T.O.P.?” I shouted.

He snapped out and started walking again. “Nothing!”

He walked with me and I told him about Yoochun… who Yoochun is, and how famous he is in the hotel business world. But, T.O.P. was so silent and he didn’t react to what I said were all praises about Yoochun. Then out of the blue, T.O.P. told me that he needs to go to work and he left right away. I wondered why he was silent and he’s thinking too deeply.

I entered the laboratory and saw Daesung talking with Dara until he noticed that I arrived. He went to his station and I approached him.

“We need to talk later.” I said.

He nodded and I went straight to my workstation together with Dara. I told everything to Dara about Daesung’s confession and his forceful act on to me, the city gazing with Yoochun which Dara didn’t hold back her screams and how Yoochun took care of me when I was sick yesterday. Dara shuddered about what Yoochun did to me and she voted for him as my boyfriend. But, I didn’t think of that… having Yoochun as my boyfriend. We talked while working even though there were many things to do and at least, my work wasn’t boring at all.

When lunchtime happened, Daesung and I talked about what happened the other night at the parking lot. I know it was hard to confront in our situation but I really have to do it.

“Daesung, I would like to clarify things. Yes, you are my crush but it doesn’t mean that I love you. I only admired you, that’s all.”

“But, I do love you Kioko so why can’t you love me?” he persisted.

“If you do love me then you don’t have to force yourself to me. It’s the thing that I had lost that admiration when you pulled out a prank… but still, I consider you as my…”

“Friend?” he interjected.

“Yes, Daesung. As a friend.”

“I know I shouldn’t do it.” He murmured.

“But, how come you know that you love me?” I curiously asked.

“It’s because that you’re kind, pretty, thoughtful, and most of all, you puzzled me sometimes.” He answered.

I don’t know what he meant for puzzled but I didn’t bother to ask him about that.

“I am jealous!” he exclaimed. “You were cold to me for almost a month and I just know that you were getting out with T.O.P. that doctor, that spoiled brat doctor.”

“It was just a date Daesung… and a date doesn’t mean that I am in love.” I stated.

“So why did you go out with him if you didn’t love that doctor?” he asked.

That question took me a surprise. Now, I wondered myself why did I go out with T.O.P.

“It’s just… that… I met him in Kuala Lumpur and he was glad that he met me again. So I do mean that we had a friendly date.” I tried to clarify but even me didn’t know why I go out with T.O.P.

“Friendly date? Stupid!” he shouted. Then Daesung became furious, “Listen! I won’t give up with my feelings until you find out what your feelings to that brat doctor and… to me.”

He walked out leaving me behind at the parking lot. I was struck by the question that Daesung asked me. I need to figure out my feelings to T.O.P. and now, not only T.O.P. but also my feelings to Yoochun. With that question, I got bothered!

Cafeteria was crowded so I decided to skip lunch and headed to laboratory. The question came back again in my head and I was bothered. How should I know what my feelings are to T.O.P. and Yoochun… and Daesung was eager to have me as his girlfriend.

Lunchtime ended and I was spacing out thinking about my feelings. I don’t know what my feelings are towards those two. All I know, I was happy when I’m with them.

“Is there a difference of happiness?” I murmured.

“What is it, Kioko?” Dara asked me.

I snapped out when I realized that I spoke my thoughts out loud and I don’t want Dara to know what I’m bothered with.

“Nothing! I just thought of something but it’s not a big deal.” I assumed.

“Okay, if you said so.” Dara said.

I focused myself on my work and trying to finish all the requests that were sent to us. Every time I went to the centrifuge, I felt like there was some glaring me at the back. I glanced a little and saw Jessica’s eyes that were fierce as the lion. I pretended that I didn’t saw her or didn’t know she was glaring at me.

Work became busy after two hours when more requests were added to our lists. I looked at the clock and we only have two minutes before our duty ends. I sat down on the stool just to relieve the pain on my foot but Jessica pushed me and I bumped on the sink table.

“What’s your problem?” I madly asked.

“You don’t know what’s my problem, the problem is YOU!” she shouted and pointed at me.

“I don’t know and I don’t care about having a problem with me.” I answered.

Jessica pushed me again and that was hard. My anger took me and I pushed her back with all my strength. Jessica was thrown out and fell on the ground but she managed to stand up right away and she pulled my hair. I didn’t fight back as I know that if I did, I’m making myself just like her. Daesung stopped her by pulling Jessica from me.

“Enough!” Daesung shouted at Jessica.

Jessica was mad, no not mad, she’s very mad. Then, she her tears fall down from her fierce eyes that can kill a person with it if her eyes were weapon.

“Why do you love Kioko instead of me? I tried to be good, to get your attention, listen to your problems and bothered feelings for her… isn’t it enough?” she asked him while Dara and I listened. “You… you are a jerk. You’re too dense to know that I love you.” Jessica confessed.

The pores on my scalp were aching from Jessica’s pull and now, she finally confessed as I already knew that she like Daesung, and not just liking him, she loves him.

“Now tell me, do you even like me?” she asked like it would conclude to her feelings.

Daesung’s eyes were furious and he looked at me with those. I didn’t know how to react and how to handle it. This fight was all because of me. Then, Daesung looked back to her and said.

“I do like you but I don’t love you.” He concluded and walked out from the laboratory.

Jessica’s tears flow down like a pipe was leaking and she tumbled herself on the floor, crying. The pain that cause by a negative answer made her even vulnerable. I reached to her and sat on the floor holding her hand.

“I am sorry Kioko. I should’ve not do it.” She cried. “I am jealous of you when I found out Daesung was in love with you. I really love him”

I wiped her tears on her face and said. “It’s alright. But, you don’t need to push yourself to him. You can’t dictate a person who is in love but you can dictate your mind to forget the person you love that who loves another.”

She cried and cried until I hugged her and whispered.

“Love him for who he loves.”