The snow continues to fall and my friends were staying at my place two weeks ago. They were great help, where they can shift of looking after me. I’m almost near on my due date and this cruciating pain began. I’m feeling the worst pain and I tend to get irritated right away. The situation became difficult when December started as I felt more pain than before and Yoochun also moaned caused by pain of his illness. T.O.P. started to stay with us when my friends came over and Donghae went home because of his job. Sometimes, my friends lacked of sleep because the pain occurred any time and it stressed me so much. I always lay down on the couch and bed but the thing was, I slept with either Emily or Erika or Sheryl who was looking after me. Sad to know that I can’t sleep with Yoochun because he really needed rest every time he went through his treatment or after the pain subsided. And speaking of his treatment, he went to the hospital thrice a week.

Five days before Christmas, it was a cold afternoon around 5pm, I asked my friends to come with me to buy stuffs for gifts but the shopping malls were crowded buying gifts for their loved ones and I kind of having second thoughts.

“How about we’ll go home, Kioko?” Erika asked.

“That’s what I’m asking myself right now.” I responded.

Instead of shopping we went to the park to stroll around and letting me walk to as my exercise. We bought ice creams and enjoyed it while the snow was falling. It was so good to eat a delicious ice cream on winter season.

“Tsk. Brain-freeze!” Sheryl screamed.

“Same here!” Emily responded too having the same sensation with Sheryl.

Erika laughed at them and suddenly felt it too. “Cool!” she shouted after the sensation faded.

“How about you Kioko, did you feel it too?” Sheryl asked.

“Nope!” I laughed.

“Unfair!” Erika exclaimed.

“Well, she really love cold stuffs so she never felt that kind of sensation.” Emily said.

Honestly, I felt brain-freeze but I didn’t make it as an obvious. Then my friends decided to go to the fountain area but as I stood up, I felt an abrupt pain and I say out loud, “Ouch!” My friends came to me as they got panic thinking that maybe I’m going to labor.

“Are you alright?” Sheryl asked.

“Maybe she’s going to give birth.” Erika said.

“No, she’s not. It’s just those normal pain that she felt.” Emily said.

“Let’s go home.” I said.

My friends helped me as we walked back home to my apartment and I was kind of dizzy suddenly. The sidewalk was too crowded and it made me dizzier that I wanted to fall down. I endured the dizziness until we arrived home and they helped me go to bed and rest.

“Kioko, are you okay?” Yoochun panic when he saw me sweating.

I nodded and he wiped away my sweat from my face. When my breathing went back to normal, he suddenly held my hand and lay down beside me on the bed. Yoochun hugged and whispered, “I miss this.” When I heard him say, I felt happy that we lay down on bed together. “I miss it too.” I answered back. He kissed me on my cheek and I wanted to cry but I held it back just not to show that I cried because of him. We went to sleep together since we were in a situation that both of us needed to sleep separately. It was a good thing that I felt his warmth again.

Days seemed to be like yesterday, the same thing happened, Yoochun cried ‘coz of pain and I was feeling cruciating pain until the day that I felt unexplainable pain that I wanted the baby out. It was on 24^th of December, Christmas Eve; I was rushed and admitted in the hospital for labor. But the it prolonged my agony as I kept on crying and shouting due to the severe pain like my bones were broken ten times. The nurse kept on telling me to calm down but I shouted.

“DAMN! YOU’RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN I CAN NO LONGER TAKE THIS PAIN! SWITCH WITH ME AND HOW YOU’LL REACT IF I ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION!”

I was sure that she was down when I shouted her like that but I’m not in a good state where you felt that and that and wanted to push my baby out. Then a young man came wearing a white uniform, and I was pretty sure that he’s an intern. I was hoping that he would tell me that I’m going to the labor room but it made me tiger when he asked something when, what kind of, did I take or eat something, allergies and all those crap. I was so devastated and shouted at him too, telling him about those crappy stuffs. The intern away and he never came back but I was feeling sorry for him. Mother came and she tried to help but still the pain overwhelmed me that I can no longer take it. Fifteen minutes long I suffered from pain and the nurses told me I’m going in for labor after she I.E. on my thing.

The nurses prepared stuffs for my labor and covered with the green stuff while the doctor was doing her aseptic procedures. I really can’t explain the feeling so I kept on screaming or shouting and the doctor told me that everything was ready. She kept on telling me to push and I pushed hard as I can. Then I felt kind of weak after doing it and my blood were rising up. The doctor told me to breath every after trying to push the baby out. I kept on doing it again and again for how many times that I can no longer count. I realized that giving birth is kind of difficult, complicated, and unexplainable that I wanted to insist for caesarian. The doctor told me as long as I can do this pushing that I don’t know how; caesarian is not necessary. And again, I did the same thing over and over again until I got weak and can no longer do the pushing. The sweat all over my face and felt my body was too weak now that I can no longer continue it. I faintly heard the doctor asking if I can still do it and I wanted to answer her but I was never able to respond. I can’t even felt my body and I felt something wrapped my upper arm. My vision began to blur until it gets dark and quite.

I was too long in the darkness, like it was nothingness, but I began feel my body that was still in pain. I felt a hand on my hand, it was thin and a little cold, so I tried to open my eyes, at first it was blurry and when it came back to normal, I saw Yoochun beside the bed lying his head on the bedside. I moved my fingers and he woke up, looked worried and was about to cry.

“You woke up, I’m glad!” he said and kissed my lips. “Are you alright? Do you feel pain?” He asked.

I nodded and smiled at him just to let him know that I am fine. The pain was still there but it’s not too much. When I looked around, I noticed that only Yoochun was with me and I was curious where mother and my friends were so I asked.

“Where’s everyone?”

“Oh! They went to see our baby.” Yoochun answered with full excitement.

“How’s our baby? Is he fine?” I asked.

“Yes. Our baby boy is healthy. He looks like me.” He shared.

I can see in his eyes and the way he talked that he was so happy to see our baby and knowing that our baby was fine, it gave me a relief ‘coz I passed out during labor. My body was still weak and I’m coping up for recovery. Labor isn’t just an easy thing to talk, it really drove me crazy.

“I wanted to see our baby.” I said.

“Yes, you can. But before that you need to eat.” He insisted.

When he moved the upper head of the bed, I felt a very painful sensation below my belly. I tend to exclaim when it suddenly got hurt.

“I’m sorry!” Yoochun said and he stopped moving the bed.

I realized that I undergo caesarian so I touched the wound and felt the stitched on my skin. It hurts when I positioned that triggers it. Yoochun took the plate with food and started to feed me while I can’t able to move fully. My fiancé was so sweet and he really did all the things for me like I was babysat. Just right after I ate, mother and my friends came inside and they were surprised to see me awake. T.O.P. and his father came too and they congratulate me for giving birth. The old man gave me kiss on my forehead that made me surprised. It was anew to me that he did that and I was grateful that he showed his soft side to me, not only to me but also to my mother. I saw them talking and laughing about something so I didn’t even bother to ask them… maybe they’ll get shy.

“I want to see my baby.” I suddenly asked them.

Not having doubts, Yoochun phoned the nurse to bring the baby inside our room. “They’re preparing our baby and soon he’ll be here.” Yoochun said.

It made me excited to see my baby… the joy in my heart cannot be measured anymore. I looked at the time closely and five minutes after, I heard a knock and T.O.P. opened it. A nurse came in with our baby and my eyes were teary when I saw his face. He was small, fragile, and covered with baby blue cloth… I touched his face and he was so cute. He was sound asleep like he was dreaming a good dream.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” they all said in chorus.

I realized that I was in labor on Christmas Eve, and we never celebrated the holiday. I asked the nurse about the time and date of birth.

“December 25, 12:15am” she answered.

It made me smile that he was born on holiday, Christmas Day. Yoochun came near to me and he smiled happily that no one could tell that he has an illness. Because of our baby, he forgot about the illness that he had and I know for him that that day was a special day for all of us. Even though we were late for Christmas Eve, they decided to have a small feast in celebration of Christmas and for our baby’s birthday.

While everyone was busy eating and talking, Yoochun asked me for our baby boy’s name. I was thinking of giving our baby a name like Christian because he was born on Christmas day but Yoochun felt that it was already too common so he gave out a name for our baby boy.

“Ji Yong.” He said.