My mind was blank, and I felt emptiness when two weeks had passed which I trembled very much for the day to see Yoochun again. All I heard and felt was my heart kept on racing like I’m going to have a heart failure. I know in my heart that he wouldn’t forgive me from what I have done to him.

“Kioko, I’m going now.” Mother said.

I went out from my room and said. “Okay, mother.”

“What’s with the gloomy face? Are you alright?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. It looks like I was having a bad dream last night.” I lied.

Honestly, I was scared to face Yoochun and no words will come out from my lying mouth.

“Oh dear, it was just a dream.” Mother patted my head like I was her dog. “I left some food inside the fridge. Just heat it up before eating it. Bye.”

Mother finally gone to her plans today and I was left alone in my apartment doing nothing. I sat down on the couch and the TV watching the KBS Channel. The drama series I watched was kind of sad and it made my eyes shed some tears. I was a bit of emotional when watching this kind of drama. I stood up and took the food that mother cooked for me. I heat it up and I tasted… it was good. I ate it while I watched the drama and I felt my tummy was been kicked. Then, I smiled and felt happy to know my baby was healthy and I guess he also responded to the drama series that I watched. I rubbed my tummy gently like I was imagining touching my baby. Suddenly, a doorbell happened and I opened the door.

“Yoo…chun?”

My eyes became bigger as I was so surprised to see Yoochun in front of me. I wasn’t prepared for this scenario, emotionally.  His eyes were filled of anger as he saw me and I trembled of fear, my lips were locked, and my mind rumbled.

“How courteous of you to let your visitor stay outside your apartment’s door?” Yoochun sarcastically said.

I snapped out, frightened and said, “Come in.”

He went inside and found himself on the couch to where I sat down while watching a drama. Yoochun didn’t say anything while I prepared some hot tea for him. As I went back to the sofa and served his tea, he suddenly said.

“What are we going to talk, Kioko?”

I was disoriented, bothered, and fear overwhelmed me, and cannot find any answer to his simple question. He was looking at me with those fierce eyes like he was going to devour me.

“I… I want to tell you…”

“Tell me about your reasons why you left?” Yoochun cut me out. “I was over it already. I moved on.” He said.

My fingers were trembling and I grasp a fist just to counter my fear. “No, that’s not it.” I said.

“So, what is it?” he asked angrily.

My heart beats rapidly like I was going to have a heart attack. “I wanted to say… I’m sorry.”

Finally, that word came out and I felt my chest got read of some little burden within me but I don’t know what he would response. Maybe, it will add me more burden or if he can find to his heart to forgive me then I could be free from my solitude. But… he just laughed.

“Oh come on, I said I moved on and I understand why you left. You can’t bear what has happened on those days and you decided to escape from all the dilemma.”

His voice was a little bit mad but as he kept on talking, he became really mad as he shouted at me. That was okay because I was at fault… but he still doesn’t know why.

“That’s not it Yoochun. The reason I left is…”

“Enough with your excuses Kioko. It was over.” He told and looked at my tummy. “If you told my brother that that baby is mine then you can’t fool me.” When I heard a thing about my baby, I started to get emotional, anger started to get in my system. “You wanted me to come back that is why you used that baby thing as your excuse… and how am I so sure that it was mine. Maybe that was my brother’s baby after all.” He said.

I stood up and came closer to him with the hardest slap on his face. “How could you say all those things? I don’t want you to take responsibilities for my baby. I don’t care if you don’t want to ‘coz from the start, I swore that I’ll raise him alone, without your help. I just wanted to say I’m sorry and hoping for your forgiveness but it was a waste… because you yourself don’t want to listen and understand. If there’s nothing you can say then dragged yourself out from my place!” I shouted while I cried so much feeling the pain that he said to me and accusing me of some things, which I didn’t.

Yoochun stood up and went out from my apartment. I didn’t see his face, what his reaction was, because I didn’t intend to see though. I was standing alone, the TV was on, and I felt dizzy… no, I was weak and came to the point that I heard nothing and it was going black…

I heard voices, familiar voices, talking… it was cold, and something hurts on my right hand… I opened my eyes, it was blur for a few seconds until my vision was back to normal. The ceiling was white and mother’s face appeared in my vision.

“Kioko, are you alright?” she asked with such fear that I can sensed from the tone of her voice.

“Yes, mother… I am alright.” I answered. “Where am I?” I asked.

“You’re in the hospital.” T.O.P. answered.

I turned my head to the left. “You are here.”

“What happened to you?” Mother asked.

I hesitated to answer my mother with the truth so I decided to lie again. “I suddenly felt dizzy and weak when after I watched the drama.” Then, I suddenly remembered my baby. “My baby! What happened to him?”

“He was alright.” Mother answered.

“You’re lucky that you passed out on the couch.” T.O.P. said.

I looked at T.O.P. and I think he knew what happened from the way he looked at me. His eyes were angry as if he could shout at me. Maybe T.O.P. knew that Yoochun has arrived in England but why is it that he looked at me so madly.

“Kioko, I need to go to the billing section to pay our bills.” Mother said.

“Okay, mother.”

She left me alone with T.O.P. and for just a minute, I stared at the ceiling and T.O.P. didn’t say a word about what happened to me.

“Hey, how long was I unconscious?” I asked curiously.

“You’ve been out for two days.” He answered.

That was long… for me. I don’t know what to say to T.O.P. about why I ended up like that. I remembered Yoochun’s words before I got mad and passed out. It hurts a lot! He was so angry.

“Yoochun came, right?” T.O.P. asked.

Finally, he asked and I looked at him but he was staring outside from the window. “Yes.” I answered softly. “I wanted to tell him my reasons but he didn’t want to.”

“Honestly, I don’t know that he arrived two days ago.” T.O.P. said.

“So, how did you know?”

“I saw him coming out from your apartment’s building. He was mad and hurried to his car then gone. As I kept on ringing the doorbell and you didn’t open, I used the duplicate key and found you unconscious on the couch.” He said.

“No matter what I’ll say he no longer listen so, be it. I already swore that with or without him, I’ll raise my baby.”

T.O.P. came closer to me and held my hand. He didn’t say a word but a sweet smile from him comforted me. It made me feel light and all the worries was gone. Then, I felt my baby kicked inside my tummy like he was responding to what I see and feel. Mother came and she looked confused holding a piece of paper… obviously our bill. I can’t read my mother’s face when she looked at that piece of paper.

“What is it mother?” I curiously asked.

“Something’s wrong with our bill.” She said.

“What?! Is it that big?”

“No.” she answered.

“If no then what are you confused of?” I asked.

“I’m confused coz I haven’t paid the bill yet and when I asked for it, the teller told me that it was already paid.” Mother said.

The moment that my mother said that the bill was already paid, there’s only one person that came to my mind who did that. I’m pretty sure that it was Yoochun who paid the bill… but why? I looked at T.O.P. and I guessed he knew too. I thought he was angry at me and how come did he knew that I was hospitalized.

“I need to go.” T.O.P. said.

“Where are you going T.O.P.?” mother asked.

“I’m going home mother.” He smiled.

“Okay, take care.” Mother said and he went.

The situation was odd when he was still mad at me but he helped me anyway. I am so sure that T.O.P. was on his way to his brother. I really don’t get it and what was Yoochun thinking. He showed up in front of the door and T.O.P. doesn’t know that he arrived. There’s something that happened right after I left and I bet T.O.P. don’t know about it…if there was any reason why.