Yoochun was still angry with me and he denied our baby but for what reason? He was not the type of person who ran from responsibilities… even I wished that he would take responsibility for our baby and not for me. It was kind of odd to think that he was this kind of irresponsible, I guess. But why should I blame him if I was the one who left him without any word. Every time I thought about it, it made me cry for a moment knowing that I was so dumbed to leave him. Sometimes, I regret my decision and wanted to turn back on that day to fight for what I feel instead of escaping the wrath of Yoochun’s father.

“Are you alright?” T.O.P. asked.

“Yes. I am… alright.” I came back from my conscience debates.

“You were thinking so deep. May I know what you were thinking?” he asked again.

I looked at T.O.P. for a while and answered. “I was thinking about the future of my baby… and my life too.”

I practically lied at T.O.P. as I thought he wouldn’t like it to talk about his brother. As far as he knew that I was moving on. Yeah, moving on physically. There were times that kept on wishing to rewind that incident but what have done has done.

“Kioko, how about going back to Philippines after you give birth to your baby?” T.O.P. suggested.

When I heard of going back, it was like a ring on my ears. “I guess not. I already made a decision to take focus on my baby after I gave birth to him. And, I just realized now that I should leave behind my love life or whatever it is. My priority right now is my baby.” I answered.

“Okay. But I know someday you’ll consider on going back.”

T.O.P. was confident about what he said that I would consider on going back. I don’t know why he was so sure about it.

We arrived home and I went to the bathroom to take a shower while T.O.P. was doing the laundry. I was thinking about on going back to my country but I kept on stopping it. On what I feel was so eager to go home and something was trying to make me go. I don’t know what this odd feeling that wanted me to go home but I fought it. I went out from the bathroom when I was done and changed. T.O.P. called me for dinner and he prepared some delicious food.

“For tonight, you’ll eat what you like.” He said happily.

“Since when did you know to cook Korean food?” I curiously asked.

“With the help of the bible.”

“Bible?” I asked.

“Yes!” he took a book and showed it to me. “I bought a Korean recipe book and tried to cook some of it.” I chuckled when he told me about his so-called bible. “You are laughing, why?”

“I didn’t expect that your bible was a Korean recipe book.” I answered.

“Oh, come on Kioko. It was some kind of expression and I relate the book as the bible since it helped me a lot.”

“Alright… don’t explain it too much. I was kind of amused.”

We sat down and started to eat his homemade Korean food and I like it. T.O.P. made this for the first time and I admit he was such a good cook. I wonder why he didn’t take a culinary course since he was so good of cooking. But still, he was a good doctor too. As I thought of it, he didn’t go back to his profession for how many months now and he was with me like a nanny to me. And still, I always depend on him every time I need help. Mother came home and I called her to join us for dinner and she was so excited.

“How was your day Kioko?” she asked.

“It was okay.”

“How about you T.O.P.?”

“Still the same day for me after the proposal of our project was approved.” He answered.

“Oh… that’s good. So that means Yoochun will come to England to personally settle the rest of the things for the project?” Mother asked him without knowing that she mentioned Yoochun. She looked at me and said, “Oops! I didn’t mean to make you upset Kioko but it’s natural that he needs to come to England to settle for his project.”

“It’s alright mother. And besides, we already moved on.” I answered sweetly but deep inside it was kind of a bluff.

I am still affected when I heard his name, is it because that he denied his baby or maybe he wanted revenge. That were the only reasons that I came up and yet I was still clueless why he didn’t believe T.O.P. after he was told that he’s going to have a baby.

“Yes, he will come here in England.” T.O.P. said.

When I heard from T.O.P., my heart skips a beat and started racing. Knowing that Yoochun will come, I don’t know if I have the guts to show up in front of him. I felt my body shaking which I don’t know why it reacted like that and I was lost again in my thoughts. I would like to see him but my fears controlled me.

“When is he coming?” mother asked.

“Two weeks after.”

‘Two weeks? That was too soon. I’m not prepared.’ My thoughts spoke in my mind.

“Well, that’s good. You’ll see your brother again after six months.” Mother said.

“It’s not that I’ll see him soon but the brother I knew right now was kind of different… he became worst.” T.O.P. shared.

“How worst?” mother curiously asked.

“He became too strict to his employee. One mistake, he got mad and pissed. Even Mr. Kim got a lot of scolding compared before.”

“Is it because of what happened?” mother asked.

“Three-fourths of it was the reason why he became like that. His staffs said that he became a demon not like before when he and Kioko were in relationship.” T.O.P. said. “But now, I don’t know if he change.”

It was all because of what I did he became like that. Love can really change a person whether it is bad or good, depending on what situation. I stood up and took my plate to the kitchen washing it. From all what I heard, I blamed myself for the change that Yoochun came to decide for himself. My thoughts were blurr, chaotic, and can’t even came up on what would I do. Sorry won’t change him back and it will make him even mad.

“Kioko.” Mother called my name as she entered the kitchen.

“Yes, mother.”

“I know that you’re not okay after hearing about Yoochun.”

“No, I am okay. You’ve been imagining it mother.” I said.

“Actually, you’re the one who’s imagining it. Will you give me an explanation about why you were crying?”

I didn’t know that I was already crying coz I was lost in my deep thoughts. “I don’t know if I am okay or not, mother. When I heard about him and he changed a lot, it’s like it was my fault after all.”

“But, it’s not your fault Kioko. You were caught in between of the situations that you need sacrifice and to save for a good sake.” Mother said.

“What should I do, mother?” I asked while my tears kept on falling.

“Closure is the answer Kioko.”

“Closure? What do you mean?” I curiously asked.

“Both of you need closure. To settle things down for the good of you and Yoochun. End things right when he comes here. Both of you need to talk about the situation and your relationship. If both of you didn’t end it well then both of you will suffer like this, crying all the time feeling the pain for almost everyday.”

“He was still mad.”

“Yes he is and it’s natural that he’s mad because he doesn’t know why you left him. Face him Kioko and don’t be afraid. It’s time to talk things right and move on.” Mother suggested.

Mother took the place and she continues washed the dishes while I was thinking about to do when Yoochun comes. It was a sudden and I need to prepare myself from all his shouts and anger. From what my mother said was true, I really do need a closure between us. If I stay like this then I’ll suffer for my entire life.

I went out from the kitchen area and saw T.O.P. was standing in front of me.

“Are you willing to face my brother?” he curiously asked.

I looked at him with my crying face and said, “You were eavesdropping.”

“I can’t help it. ‘Coz I know you’re not alright.” He said. “Maybe it’s time to see him Kioko and talk about it.”

“I don’t know. I am afraid.”

“Don’t be. You’ll need to face your fears Kioko. Whatever the outcome of your conversation with him, I will always be right here.” T.O.P. said and he hugged me to eased from my worries.

I kept on crying and maybe they were right. I need to face and talk to Yoochun and whatever will happen, I always have my mother and… T.O.P. by my side.

“Thank you, T.O.P.” I whispered softly.