Hoya oppa, I love you.

Hoya widened his eyes. He’s surprised. He can’t think of anything and he replayed the words you said again and again. He replayed it until he realized and sure that you really told him that you love him.

Since the first time we met, I felt something for you but I was stupid enough for not realizing it back then. As times goes by, I realized that I have falling for you. Falling for someone……..this is the first time I feel it. So instantly, you’re my first love. I’m really grateful that you are my first. Because if it’s not you, maybe I will be more confused and……forget it.

I know, I’ve told you I’m against a girl confessed to a boy first…..but, I have my reason. I just can’t hold this feeling anymore since it hurts so bad.

Hoya can’t do anything else beside of listening to your voice. He can’t move an inch because listen to all the words you said making him feel guilty. He thought about when he told you that he liked Eunji and he confessed to her, until he and Eunji dating. Hoya covered his face with both of his hand and buried it on his knee.

Finally…..when you listen to this, that means you’ve known that I’m not there. You maybe felt confused because my friends or everybody told you that I’m not there without reason, and about my sudden confession.

So, you have to know that right now, I’m not there, in Korea and I’m not coming back there. My career, I think I’ll give it up. Just, for now, I don’t have any plan on coming back.

Hoya widened his eyes. Why?! Why?! He thought to himself. 

Oppa, I want to ask you to do something for me. Please be happy. Even though I’m not there, but I always know when you’re not happy. So please, be happy oppa. If someday I decided to come back, I want to see you as Hoya I always know. I still want to see you laugh and smile like you always do.

Oppa, don’t blame anyone but me. If the others didn’t tell you a single thing, it’s not their fault. They just do what I want them to do. So, it’s all my fault. Please, don’t ever you blame the others.

So…oppa, I guess I have nothing to say anymore, keke. Take care, oppa. Remember to be happy.

Goodbye, love. You gotta be happy.

The recording was ended but Hoya still sat there in silent, not moving even an inch. He was too shocked and too afraid to move. He was afraid if he move, he will have to accept it. The fact that you’ve left, leaving him. But in the end, he closed his eyes and laid his back on the wall.

He pulled the earphone and buried his face again. He then ruffled his hair in frustration while clenched his teeth, preventing himself from crying. But, the tears just came out from his eyes.

How can I be happy if I’m not with you? How can I be happy if you leave me? Why are you leaving me here alone, after I realize that I’ve falling for you?!

***

Infinite members were gathered in the living room to eat breakfast, except Hoya. When Hoya came out from his room, all the members kept their heads down.

“I guess I can’t blame all of you even though I want to”, Hoya crossed his arms, leaning on the wall. “But still, I need an explanation”.

“You’ll get that from me”, Myungsoo said.

“Oh? Great then”, Hoya said.

“Hyung, the others don’t know anything. It’s just me, and probably Hyorin noona and her bestfriends”, Myungsoo said.

“I know”, Hoya said. “You better gave me the explanation as soon as possible”, he eyed Myungsoo and went to the bathroom to take a bath.

The other members sighed and looked at Myungsoo. Myungsoo didn’t notice the others and just continue to eat the breakfast calmly. 

***

“She loves you hyung”, Myungsoo said.

“Why didn’t everyone tell me that?”, Hoya asked.

“Then what? If I told you, what will you do? Because at that time, you were still with Eunji”, Myungsoo said.

“At least-“, Hoya said.

“At least what? She had enough hyung”, Myungsoo said.

“I’m going to get her back”, Hoya said.

“How?”, Myungsoo asked.

“I’m going to ______”, Hoya said.

“WHAT?!”, Myungsoo said.

“Yeah, I’m going to meet her and get her back”, Hoya said.

“No”, Myungsoo said.

“What?”, it was Hoya’s turn to ask.

“You can’t go there. No one would agree”, Myungsoo said.

“But why?! I made mistakes and I want to make it right!”, Hoya said.

“Like you said, you made mistakes. You can’t just easily go there and get her back. She’s hurt so much because of you, now it’s the time for her to heal”, Myungsoo said.

“But I have to make it right!”, Hoya said.

“You have to, but it’s depend on her. Let her breathe, hyung. She’s too tired because of this”, Myungsoo said.

“But she has to school, right?!”, Hoya asked.

“No, she has finished her school”, Myungsoo said.

“What?!”, Hoya surprised.

“When you were with Eunji, ______ was offered to take a program because of her great grade. The program is like acceleration program, so she will graduate faster”, Myungsoo said. “That’s why she was so busy last time”.

Hoya looked down and stayed silent. He felt too guilty that you have to go through all of those things. Suddenly he remembered when you cried on the practice room. That day you told him that you can’t tell him anything. Don’t tell me…….it was because of this, Hoya thought to himself.

“So what I have to do?”, Hoya asked in a low voice.

“Wait”, Myungsoo said.

“Only that?”, Hoya asked again.

“Yes. It’s all depend on her. If she decided to come back, then you can make it right to her. But that time, maybe she…”, Myungsoo said.

“Maybe what?”, Hoya asked.

“Maybe she has forgot her feelings for you, she had moved on”, Myungsoo said and Hoya closed his eyes.

“Actually hyung, I knew that you liked her too from the first time. I can see it, but why hyung?”, Myungsoo asked.

“Why…what?”, Hoya asked.

“Why you have to deny that feelings and confessed to Eunji?!”, Myungsoo asked but Hoya kept silent.

Myungsoo is getting impatient because of his hyung. He ruffled his hair in frustration.

“It’s because of age difference?!”, Myungsoo blurted out. Hoya kept silent and Myungsoo sighed.

“Hyung, listen. Age is not an important thing in love. It’s just five years! My grandparents has 10 years age difference and they’re still love each other until the death separate them!”, Myungsoo said and Hoya flinched.

“You’re so stupid”, Myungsoo said and turned to left Hoya when he grabbed Myungsoo’s shoulder.

“Wait”, Hoya said.

“What?!”, Myungsoo said.

“What did she told you…? About her feelings….?”, Hoya asked.

“You shouldn’t ask me”, Myungsoo said. “Ask Hyorin noona, she knows a lot more”.

Myungsoo left Hoya alone and Hoya laid her back on the wall. He closed his eyes but he can’t calm himelf down.

“AARGH!”, Hoya shouted and ruffled his hair in frustration.

Guilty filled his mind. He never thought of losing you. He never thought that losing you would be this hurt. He never knew that his love for you is so deep, and he was so angry with himself because he only realize it now.

***

Sorry, short chapter! I just realized that i can't update on friday because there will be some activity at school until saturday. So maybe i'll update on saturday night or ..... maybe sunday. See you!!!