Eunyoung’s POV

I really hate it when we argue over little things or things we can’t control. I know I have to be strong and understanding but I felt like when he shouted at me in front of the random schoolmates, I know he was feeling pissed after waiting for me to be done and that annoying Yoonae just made his mood worst and then there I was pushing his buttons even more. Still, I wished he would talk to me nicely instead of shouting. He even shouted at me for apologizing. What’s wrong with that? I just want us to make up and if apologizing would make things better, I would gladly give up my pride and apologize. 

I could feel my tears threatening to flow but I managed to hold them back when Daehyun ruffled my hair and gave me an apologetic smile. I knew it was his way of apologizing when he does subtle actions like this.

Just when i thought things were back to normal, including Daehyun’s mood, happened. I really hate that girl. Why can’t she just stay suspended from school instead of coming to school and ruining our lives. I don’t even think she really likes Daehyun. 

When she splashed that cup of something on me, all hell broke loose. I was my first time witnessing Daehyun this livid which frightened me. I was so afraid that he would do something he would regret. 

I pleaded him to release her not because I was scared of her or I wanted to free her. I was genuinely scared to tears that he would suffocate her to death when her face was already changing colour. I had to pry his hand off her neck but Daehyun was way stronger than me. Luckily he eventually released his grip on her. I was about to feel relieved when he brought her down to her knees and forced her to apologize to me. I didn’t need that apology if he had to resort to such means. It was scary seeing him behave like that.

After the whole incident, I was scared stiff. I involuntarily stepped back when he tried to approach me. It was scary how Daehyun could become someone so foreign to me.

“Stop moving.” He sounded offended and I didn’t dare take a step back anymore. 

“Follow me.” He said sounding less annoyed and he held out his hand. Daehyun wasn’t someone who openly wants to hold hands. I held his hand, trying to tell myself that everything would be fine but I still sounded scared when I asked him where he was taking me to.

He almost followed me to the girls’ toilet if I didn’t stop him. I guess he didn’t really care if he stepped in or not but I just needed time to cool down alone and wash up. He was nice enough to hand me his hoodie for me to change into. Why didn’t he get me a new set of uniform from the office instead? I didn’t want to ask him in fear that it would get him mad, I just took his hoodie. While washing, the scene of Daehyun strangling her kept popping up my mind. Why was that the first thing he did to her? Did he suffer from something like this before? Did his parents strangle him to get him to talk? I don’t know and I don’t think I will ever know because I wouldn’t want to ask him and reopen his old wounds from his past. 

My mind drifted off to unhealthy thoughts. What if he’ll do the same when he’s furious because of me? No no, stop thinking this way! I can’t have thoughts like this. Not when I witnessed how guilty he was when he accidentally hurt me. No matter how angry I made him in the past, he had never laid a finger on me. That’s right. His parents are the abusive ones, not him. Besides, he didn’t start it. She got him fired up. Youngie, you better get these thoughts out of your head!

Daehyun waited outside for me till I was done cleaning up. I was still wary of his temper so I didn’t dare to say or do anything that might get him mad again or at least I tried. I just walked beside him back to class. He didn’t say anything as well.

The air was awkward between us for the rest of the time in school. I didn’t dare talk because I was afraid he was still in a bad mood. For someone who talks quite a lot, I actually didn’t know what to say to him. This is bad… We ended up not eating and he walked me home… This feeling . I wish I knew what to say to him or at least make him feel better. Why can’t I do anything?!

“Do you want to eat something? Chocolates or something sweet?” I asked timidly when we reached my home. Really? Of all things I had to ask if he wanted chocolates?!

“No. I’m going out. Go in and rest.” He replied and walked away. His backview was sad to watch…

“Daehyun!” I called him as I approached him. He turned around.

“If… If…” What if he thinks I’m a busybody or I interfere too much?

“If what?” He questioned. I was already a busybody then. Here goes nothing.

“If you need anyone to talk to, you know you can talk to me right? I don’t like this tense feeling between us… I’m going to hug you.” I said and hugged him. As much as I was still afraid of him, just a little, I felt that maybe this little gesture would make him feel better even if it’s just a little bit better, or not…

He waited awhile before caressing my hair lightly. I feel comforted already. It doesn’t matter if he didn’t say anything. 

“Bye.” He said when he broke away from the hug and left.

I headed back home to study but I was having a hard time. No matter how much I try, I can’t retain the information in my brain. I ended doing non-productive stuff like watching tv and scribbling on my notebooks. I even helped Mommy with dinner. Mommy found my behaviour odd and even questioned me but I didn’t know what to say. How can I say anything? 

After dinner, I decided to sleep really early and probably wake up later to study again or rather, attempting to force feed information into my brain.

I woke up when I heard and felt some vibration. Thinking it was my alarm, I pressed the snooze button and wanted to go back to sleep and wait for the next alarm instead but a few seconds later, it rang again. Did I not press the snooze properly? I pressed it again and put my phone aside. Again, in a few seconds, it rang again. I gave up on the snooze and took my phone wanting to turn off the alarms but instead of seeing the snooze button, I saw Daehyun’s name on my phone screen instead. Did I end the call accidentally for the last two times?

“Young?” Daehyun greeted.

“Daehyun?” I answered.

“Young ah.” He repeated.

“Yeah?” I replied, feeling weird.

“I can walk straight! Come out! I’m outside your house!” He slurred. He sounded really weird.

“What? You’re outside? Did you get chased out again? Wait right there okay?” I replied sounding awake and a little surprised. I hung up the call and checked the time. It was two in the morning!

“Young!!” Daehyun shouted when he saw me.

“Not so loud!” I hushed him. He just giggled as he tried to walk towards me but he was obviously walking in a zigzag pattern. 

“Be careful!” I caught him just in time before he lost his balance. He reeked of alcohol.

“How did you even get here like this?” I asked as I helped him to sit on the kerb.

“I need to tell you something.” He said suddenly.

“Later alright? Let me get a towel or something to make you feel better.” I said, panicking. How on Earth did he get this drunk?

“No! It’s important! I need to say it now!” He held onto my shoulders.

“Okay okay, I’m listening. Stop yelling. It’s late. What is it you want to say?” I asked. Somehow the tension from earlier was gone. It seemed like whatever happened in school didn’t happen at all. Before I could digest what happened, his lips landed on mine. I got a little shocked but then I slowly allowed him to lead the kiss. I could taste the alcohol but I didn’t want to pull away unless I was out of breath. I don’t think I should be kissing him with him being in this state but I couldn’t just pull away from him just like that. Besides, he was the one that kissed me. 

Daehyun finally pulled away, panting slightly with a silly grin.

“You wanted to say something?” I reminded him.

“I like you so damn much, Young.” He said without any hint of it being a joke. He even looked sober enough to say it. I didn’t know what activated that water tap in me but I started tearing. This was the first time he ever said something as close to a confession to me. 

“Daehyun…” I mumbled in tears. He didn't experience love the way I did so for him to even say he liked me was a huge deal for me. 

“And I hate myself for not having to guts to say it to you when I’m sober. I tried but the words just didn’t come out. I don’t deserve you after what I’ve done to you, what I made you feel. You deserve someone who is a billion times better than me, who can protect you, who you're not afraid of but I hate myself for not being able to let you go and find your happiness. I hate myself so much.” He voiced out as he started hitting himself on his thigh with his fist really hard, like he was punching himself. 

“Don't hate yourself. It hurts seeing you beat yourself up so much. Stop it alright? Stop harming yourself. I know it's easier said than done and I may never understand how you feel but I'm trying and I really don't like seeing you looking down on yourself. You need to learn to love yourself. You need to allow other people to love you too. I know when things happen you start to go back to unhealthy thoughts. You need to cut yourself some slack. It's okay. You can pick yourself up again.” I said between sniffles as I cushioned his thigh with my palm so that he would be punching my palm instead. He stopped after a few more punches. However, he didn't seem to believe my words. 

“You have no idea how happy you make me feel. Really. Even just eating with you, holding your hand, spending time with you makes me happy. This is your power. I don't think anyone can make me this happy so don't underestimate yourself.” I added. 

“I really really like you so much.” I smiled after hearing it for the second time. I don't think I'll ever get sick of hearing this. I'll wait patiently for the day that he will use the upgraded version of that word. 

“I know. Your actions tell me that.” I smiled as I cupped his cheek but pulled away when he winced. I thought it was my fault but I realised that there were bruises forming on his face. Why did I not see them earlier?! 

“Why are you hurt again?” I asked as I stuck my face close to his, enough to see the bruises. 

“It’s nothing. Just a small fight. Nothing I can't handle.” 

“It's not nothing if there are this many bruises!” I was worried when he just waved it off like it was not big deal. 

“I'm fine. I can kiss you and that's all that matters right?” He said and then he kissed me as though shutting me up. 

“How can you trust my actions when you’ve been witnessing the things I do?” He asked, doubting himself.

“Just take just now for example. When I cushioned your punches with my palms, you eventually stopped. Isn’t this enough to show that you would never hurt me on purpose? That even when you’re mad, you will not hit me. This is why I trust you and you need to start to trust yourself too. You’re a nice person.” I said as I subconsciously tried to rub the bruise on his face.

“Only you will think that.” He said.

“It’s a start! I’ll make you believe it too.” I said, feeling determined. 

Sometimes I think to myself why am I with him but when I see how broken he is, I can’t bare to give this up. I didn’t expect myself to be in such a relationship where I probably give more than I receive but because it’s Daehyun, I realise all these didn’t matter, simply because I love him. I want him to feel loved. I really hope I can be strong enough for him… 

“I’ll probably not remember whatever happen tonight.” He said. Why does he sound so cute?

“It’s okay. I’ll just tease you about it.” I smiled as I leaned against him. 

I looked at the time and realised I do not have much time left to study but Daehyun came all the way here because he trusts me. I can’t just leave him out here like that, it’ll be like abandoning him. What if he doesn’t talk to me about things anymore? I can’t have that happening…

“Daehyun…” I called. He was already asleep with his head resting on my shoulder. I shook him a little and he stirred.

“Do you want to come in? I promise you won’t see my parents or anyone else. At least get some proper sleep okay? I have a guestroom. You can sleep there. It’s better than sleeping here.” I tried to persuade him as much as possible because he could be quite stubborn when it comes to this.

“Hmm.” He replied sleepily. What? I should just help him in right? He would’ve said no if he didn’t want to. I helped him in with slight difficulties and laid him on the bed and covered him with the blanket. 

“Good night.” I said before closing the door and went out to start revising. I can’t fall asleep because I have to get Daehyun out of the house before Mommy wakes up. Lucky Daddy is on a business trip.

I want to point out that Eunyoung feels like she is responsible, like it's solely her role as his girlfriend to 'heal' and love Daehyun and therefore trying her best to do everything she can to help him. But Daehyun's problems and feelings aren't so simple and thinking like this in the long run may not be too healthy for her. #justsaying haha

I can't thank you guys enough for spending time to leave lengthy comments for me instead of those 'update soon' kind and for that I'm really thankful! Slightly faster update as compared to usual because I was really happy with the comments and I got excited with writing this chapter!