Eunyoung’s POV

It was towards the end of the year which meant that we had exams coming up. 

"Want to hang out?" Daehyun asked me with a smile on his face after we ended school for the day. I would have agreed readily if I was done studying. 

"I have to study. Sorry." I looked at him sadly. I want to hang out with him too ... I felt bad that his smile faltered because of me. 

"We can study together. " He said. I looked him, amused. Study and Daehyun didn't go together. He would rather do something he dislike and spend time with me than not being with me. I smiled at that thought regardless if it was just my own thinking.

"Well... Okay. BUT we're going to study okay? No random movies or phone games okay? Study." The last time we did something like this, he was playing around. Why did he have to suggest something I couldn't say no to? 

"Fine fine. You are such a nerd." Daehyun said. 

"Daehyun!" I frowned. 

"Okay you're not a nerd. Let's go." He teased.

"Where are we going?" I asked. 

"Hyung's place. He went out. " he replied. 

"Okay but promise me you are going to study with me not watch me study while you play. " I made him pinkie promise me. 

“Yeah yeah.” He reluctantly hooked his pinkie with mine and then flicked my hair. I love his playful side at least it was better than his quiet side. It meant that we are comfortable with each other. Right? I hope so...

When we reached Himchan Oppa’s place, I took out my study materials and laid them on the table. I did my homework first with Daehyun. True to his words, he studied with me even though he was whining and complaining that we should have half an hour breaks between every ten minutes of work. This guy~

After we were done with our homework, I decided to make some notes for History. 

“Daehyun, can I borrow your History text?” I asked. 

“Yeah sure.You can even have it if you want.” Daehyun joked.

I flipped through his book and realised how clean his book was and then I realised there was a torn page almost towards the middle of the book.

“Woah. What happened to this page? I didn’t know you owned a dog.” I teased.

“Don’t remind me about it.” He said seriously and he had no intention of elaborating. He seemed really determined not to say anything so I stopped asking questions and made use of whatever I had. 

It was more than half an hour and I didn’t hear Daehyun’s voice. I looked towards him and found him curled up on the couch asleep. I decided to take a break and watch him sleep for just a while. He was frowning a little in his sleep though. His lips were slightly apart. As much as I want to , I decided not to. Who knows what he might do and I heard from him that he seldom sleep easily. I wanted to kiss his lips but maybe I should wait for when he’s awake. I don’t want my sudden actions to wake him up or scare him. 

I went back to the table and continued with my notes but unknowingly, my eyelids got heavier and I guess I fell asleep with my head resting on the table.

I woke up from my short nap and then I remembered I was at Himchan oppa’s house with Daehyun. There was a hoodie which covered my upper body. It was filled with Daehyun’s scent. It was the same hoodie. I might just steal it from him.

 I heard noises from the kitchen and made my way there. I stood by the door silently as I watched Daehyun worked his way around the kitchen. He looked like a professional. How did I end up with someone so perfect compared to me? I can’t do whatever he can. He seemed to be all rounded and I suddenly felt proud having him as my boyfriend.

The back view of him cooking was captivating. Is it weird that it made me feel like we were living together? I wonder how would that really feel like, living like this. I then shook my head, it’s too soon to be thinking about this! Stop it Eunyoung!

The main thing was his back, he was shirtless. He took it off and hung it on the chair backrest. His back seemed strong and sturdy though it was covered with faint marks. It was my first time seeing those marks and I could guess the reasons behind those. I felt the urge to hug him, to assure him that I’ll be with him, that I don’t mind the little scars on his back or his past. I moved towards him and slipped my arms around his torso and before I could even lean on his warm back, I thrown on the floor with my arm in pain.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! Really? Creeping up on me? How childish can you get?!” He yelled at me. I was stunned by his temper. It was the first time he was really mad at me and even got a little violent. All I did was hug him but why do I feel like I was in the wrong? 

“I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to creep up on you. I won’t do it again.” I apologized with tears down running down my face. I quickly wiped them away and tried to get up from the floor and ran out of the kitchen. The last thing I want is to make him mad again or call me childish for crying.

I went back to the living room and sobbed silently. My arm was in pain. I think I got scalded. I sat for a while before packing my books with my arm that wasn’t hurt. I should probably leave before Daehyun chases me out.

Before I was done packing my stuff, Daehyun came out from the kitchen. He stopped whatever I was doing and pulled my alright arm towards the couch and made me sit. It was really uncomfortable sitting beside him when things just happened. I didn’t dare say anything or even look at him.

“Oww.” I groaned when he took my injured arm and inspected it. He then wordlessly dressed my burn. It really hurt and the pain was kind of unbearable. I was making all sorts of weird noises when I couldn’t take the pain. When Daehyun was done wrapping my arm up, he just sat beside me. Oh, he was already wearing his tee.

“I should go. I’m sorry.” I apologized again. I really do not like this atmosphere between us. I know leaving wouldn’t solve anything but maybe we should both cool down first...

“It’s my fault. Sorry. I shouldn’t have hurt you.” Daehyun finally spoke as he lightly grabbed onto my arm when I stood up. I could hear the pain in his voice. There were layers in his words. It was like he was blaming himself really harshly and I’m not sure, he just sounded weird. I couldn’t find it in myself to leave the matter and so I decided to sit back down on the couch.

“I really didn’t mean it. It was out of reflex. This is why I kept telling you we shouldn’t be together. I am just going to hurt you.” He said with his eyes closed really tight, like he was forcing them, like he was really beating himself up. Even his fists were clenched and he was breathing heavily.

“What’s going on? You’re scaring me. ” I said wanting to place my palm over his fist but decided against it. My tears were rolling down my face again but I tried to not sound like I was tearing up. I didn’t think it worked. He kept quiet again.

I didn’t know what to do so I ended up repeating whatever he said in my head again. Out of reflex?! What did that mean? I never come across anyone who will react the way he did when they’re being hugged. Or did I really scared him with that sudden hug? I don’t even know how to comfort him… I feel like a failure. I have so many questions but I don’t know how to get him to answer them.

“This is the reason why I tell you I’m not nice. I’m not like you. We’re of different backgrounds. You shouldn’t be tainted by me!” He said after awhile. Why is he still saying stuff like this? I thought we were over this phase? Is he still bothered by it? 

“Can you please tell me what is going on? I have no clue what you’re talking about. Can you please just explain to me without talking to me in codes which I don’t get it at all? Stop shooting yourself down!” I replied. I was getting frustrated and I didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t talking again.

“You come from a family where touches were hugs and kisses. They meant affection. Mine is the exact opposite. The only time they touched me was when they beat me or dragged me around. To you, that thing you did was just a back hug, to me it was time for self defence because that was how they grabbed me when they wanted to lock me out of the house. I reacted on instinct and I ended up hurting you! This is why I kept warning you to stay away from me! You’re bound to get hurt around me!” He finally said it out. It’s so much clearer now.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up such an unhappy past. It was your way of protecting yourself. I get it. I don’t blame you and you should stop blaming yourself too. You are more than that.” I said, trying my best to sound as comforting as possible. I finally know why he doesn’t show much affection to me or even say really sweet things to me, not that I really mind. He didn’t grow up with the kind of affection I grew up with. It was natural for me but to him, it was something foreign. I knew he has his own past but I didn’t expect them to be this sad. I should be more understanding.

“Why are you apologizing when it’s my fault!? I hurt you! Are you even real?! Why are you being so nice about it?!” He questioned harshly. It was like he was trying to push me to stay away from him but honestly, how could I? I could tell his guilt was eating him from the inside.

“Because I love you. Who else do you want me to be nice to? I only have one boyfriend.” I said as a matter of fact and I felt wonderful that I could tell him how I feel about him. I want to hold him so badly but I didn’t dare to… When I thought that we were finally comfortable with each other, I feel like the walls that I tried to break were coming back up again… I feel so helpless.

“You don’t get it, do you? I really don’t deserve how you’re treating me. I treat you like when you deserve so much more. In future, you will soon realise whatever I’m saying now is right. When you come across someone better, you will know.” And I was right, his walls were back up again… Why did I have to do such a stupid thing in the first place?!

“What are you talking about?! Not this again… I keep telling you I don’t mind your past! You treat me fine! I’m not complaining so why are you even complaining? You still came to me and dressed my wound. It shows you care right?” Why is he so stubborn? Can’t he just listen to me?

“It’s the truth! My mother told me! WHATEVER I DO DON’T MATTER AT ALL! Whether I care or not it doesn't matter because YOU WILL LEAVE EVENTUALLY.” He shouted back. I sighed and my heart broke.

“Your mom told you that? Daehyun, she’s been hurting you. I know this sounds rude but why can’t you take my word instead of hers? She’s not me. She wouldn’t know anything. How can she speak for me? She is just being mean about it. Have I showed you in any way that whatever your mother said about me was right? You shouldn’t doubt yourself or me.” I tried to calm down and talk nicely to him. Urgh his mom!!

“You matter to me alright? So don’t ever say that again. It hurts that you think so little of yourself…” I said when he was quiet.

Daehyun’s POV

Daehyun you’re hopeless. How can you hurt  the girl who has been nothing but nice towards you? How could you? How can someone like her exist? Why is her heart so pure? I’m a mess but she thinks I’m everything I’m not. I feel so sorry for her having to tolerate me. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would she want to suffer with me? I’m a damn burden, a burden that she will soon get sick of.

“I don’t get how you can stick with me after knowing I’m nothing good for you.” I muttered under my breath after a while.

“Can I hold your hand?” She asked. I gave a small nod as my palm found its way to hers.

“Stop doing this to yourself. You need to breakaway from however you are seeing yourself, you’re belittling yourself and it’s not healthy. You are worth so much more. I feel like I’ve told you these countless times. I’m willing to say it over and over again to convince you.” She said. Am I really able to get out of the dark? 

“I warned you many times and - “ I said but she didn’t allow me to finish my sentence.

“I know I know. Everything is my choice okay? I am not leaving unless you tell me straight to my face that you don't want me around. I'll make sure you won't have to deal with me. But if you are not, I’m just going to cling onto you. “ She gave me a silly smile and hug onto my arm.

“Oops sorry.” She said as she released my arm almost immediately. The warmth was gone. I pulled her closer to me.

“I’ll ask you permission if I’m going to do anything to you until you are fine with it okay? I don’t want to scare you or trigger and past incidents.” She said. What?! Do anything to me?

“What do you mean by anything?” I asked.

“I mean like if I’m going to hold your hand or something. I don’t want to scare you again.” She replied shyly. She really loves skinship huh?

“I’m fine. Just don’t do it when I’m not looking. At least let me know it’s you who is being crazy.” I tried to lighten up the mood.

“What crazy?! I’m not crazy!” She laughed. It’s nice hearing her laugh again. I realised how much I want to hear her laugh than having to see her cry. My heart felt uncomfortable just now when she was crying. I blame myself for making such a cheerful girl cry because of me… I pulled her face towards me and gave her a small kiss on her cheek.

“What?” I asked when she turned to the other side.

“You have to make it even.” She beamed oh so innocently at me. This girl. I gave her a kiss on the other side too.

“How about my forehead, nose and lips? Or my chin?” She laughed as she stuck her face close to mine. I playfully pushed her away with my palm.

“Later. You have to earn them.” I said smugly.

“Whatttt…….” She made a face.

“Let’s eat.” I pulled her along as we sat on the dining table.

“Then I will earn them?” She asked.

“We’ll see.” I said as I dished out food for her. Anything for you. Thank you for sticking with me.

Just thought I should make this clear, I'm not sure if some of you are finding Daehyun's character a little 'irritating' because he seems to always feel like and it might appear like he is seeking attention or have someone tell him that he is actually an okay person. I want to say that this Daehyun character has no confidence after being fed with with whatever his parents have been telling him for years. Suddenly Eunyoung appears and tells him good things about him, he didn't know if he should believe them. Therefore, Eunyoung has to spend more time and effort to make Daehyun feel confident about himself and to change his negative thoughts. 

I just want to say that Daehyun is not attention seeking like some people in real life that say they blah blah but in actual fact just want to hear compliments about themselves. So yeah~ Just to clear this up. ^^ 

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!