Review for marzorie25 // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Little Black Dress (Completed, reviewed with two chapters)

Title: (13/20)

The title was definitely taken from One's direction's song title - Little Black Dress and I find the relation of the title with the story weak. It The black dress was not significant to the story and it was only briefly mentioned twice. You could have described the dress more to make it more special and so the title can make more sense then. The story was more focused on Chanyeol's birthday and the girl being his best gift instead of the black dress.

Overall Appearance: (3/5)

The overall appearance was alright. I liked the poster a lot and how you italize their thoughts and the sizing of the words were just nice.

Description and Foreword: (13/20)

The description of the story was kind of short and it doesn't attract interests from readers but it was accurate that the story was about Chanyeol receiving a special gift on his gift. However, you could have made it more interesting by writing it about his gift being y etc. That would made the description stand out more. 

Plot: (16/30)

The plot was kind of flat to me because there wasn't much of a conflict to begin with. It revolves around the Chanyeol's birthday and it was too straightforward without the ups and downs. If the story was more focused on Chanyeol's birthday, it would be more centrered and focued but because I find the first chapter don't quite necessary, I find the story quite dragged out. The second chapter itself will suffice for the story because the first chapter didn't have any happenings or anything much related to Chanyeol's birthday. If you want readers to have background story of both ofthem, you could've add a short flashback from the past in the second chapter itself. The second chapter was great because it has it own funny parts, y parts and also it has the highlight of the story which is the scene! The scene was written well and it was so y. The first chapter, as compared, was nothing quite related to the birthday part of the story. Also, I find both chapter hard to be linked or connected well. Some of the things that I remembered that doesn't feel consistent was about Chanyeol and the girl's relationship. I understand that SM approves them but in one chapter, it feels that they've reveal it to the public and in another chapter, they relationship is suppose to be disclose? I'm quite confuse about that. Also, in the beginning of the story, they didn't have a stylist thus the starting scene about being all messy and disorganized but isn't the main girl character the stylist of exo? However, I really liked the idea of how Chanyeol reacted when he was entering her house worrying about sasaeng fans. It makes people think about how afraid these idols are living everyday and the scarifices they have to make to sleep and rest being afraid of these things consistent. I liked that few parts best when you describe about overobsessive fans. 

Originality: (12/20)

I wished you could have added more originial twists in the story like the sasaeng parts or more special between them. I liked the relationships they have with each other but it wasn't special. There's originality when I read about both of their relationship together but I wished it was more to make the story stand out more from other /birthday themed stories.

Language: (17/20)

There are a few mistakes below that I've pointed out from the first part of the first chapter. For the reason that the mistekes/typos were minor and also easy to pass, I feel that you did a great job in proofreading your story before you post it!

Chapter 1:

-“Well, I’m here, you idiot,” you walkr towards him and gave him a hug.

(“Well, I’m here, you idiot,” you walked towards him and gave him a hug.)

-“God, you’re still a greaseball,” you chuckled as the two of you lied together in the couch, his big arms embracing you.

(“God, you’re still a greaseball,” you chuckled as the two of you laid on the couch together with him embracing you.

Writing Style: (14/20)

Half of the reason why I enjoyed reading the story was because of your easy to enjoy and read writing style. It shows when you know the characters that you're writing and you add in details about how they speak or how they act. The conversations you wrote in the story was fun to read and I've got to say that there are plenty of moments that I laughed or smiled while reading chapter 2. I also liked how you added in a lot of conversations in the story instead of describing certain scenes, it made the story more enjoyable to read that way instead of just literally writing/typing it out.

Characterization: (24/30)

As mentioned in 'Writing Style', I liked how you know your characters well in the story to write conversations that sounded like them or make it sound as though they would say it in real life. However, I think there are too many characters in the story that made it kind of chaotic. It would've been better if you can focus more on the oc girl, Chanyeol and maybe Kyungsoo and just have the other exo members as cameo apperance.

Flow: (16/30)

The flow of the chapter itself is good if you would to read chapter 1 and chapter 2 seperately but the problem that of the flow is trying to connect chapter 1 and chapter 2 together. I feels like two different story with strong similaries in characters. For chapter 1, the pacing and flow is good! For chapter 2, it feels rather repeated and dragged out because 1) it weird for exo to be faster than them in reaching her apartment and 2) it feels repetitive because they were partying in the club and I wanted them to have alone time but exo memebers reappeared again in her apartment.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (3/5)

I actually enjoyed the story because I feel happy when I read stories about exo being happy and celebrating and have friends because those hardworking idols are tired and it made me a bit happier to read knowing that maybe, by some chance, they're happy as well even though they're exhausted from being an idol! I like the funny parts you wrote in chapter 2 as well, I'm sure I'm not the only one who find that chapter kind of hilarious to read! 

Bonus (+4)

Bonus points for the y Chanyeol and the y scene and also points for the trolling chen in the story!

Final Score/ Total (135/200) = 67.5%

A/N:

Please don't get take this review to your heart because I find it classified as an unfair review because 1) you wrote this for Chanyeol's birthday (there isn't much you can change about the plot) and 2) it was supposed to be a one-shot later a sequel added as a chapter 2 which explains the flow in between both chapters! I think you did a fantastic job about the scene! Good job! 

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