Review for breejay // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

죄송합니다 (SORRY) (Completed one-shot)

Title: (12/20)

The title is mainly made up of hangul which is supposedly alright but I just don't fit Korean title suitable for a English fanfiction site. However, I liked how you still put in the English translation of the Korean title for readers who don't know how to read the hangul part. The title is simple and short but it doesn't have its own sense of originality for the story. Many might pass it off as a cliché story and might not even want to give the story a read which is what you don't want to do. It's really fine to have hangul in your story titles but you shouldn't make it as the centered/main title. eg:

from:

꽃 (flower)

To:

Flower (꽃)

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

The overall appearance of the story is just perfect. I liked how you decided to go with a ideal and simple background picture for the story and somehow I was able to relate the story with the picture. Perhaps it's because the way you had written the story makes it feels like that picture of the bed and the gloomy mood in it. Also I'm in love with the main picture which I'm sure isn't a poster but it's legit and I freaking love it. It sets me into that angst and melancholy feel while reading the story.

Description and Foreword: (12/20)

The description of the story which is strangely/oddly placed in the foreword was short and sweet but delivers the right amount of curiosity to hook readers in. I love what you wrote in the foreword (which is better placed in the description) but I feel that it's close to a no link relation with the story. In the story, the content of the foreword should be at least mentioned in the story but I had to go back and forth between the story chapter and the foreword to check whether I'm reading the same story. It's a good foreword but it should be focus on the chapter and the chapter should relate to the foreword as well. 

Plot: (17/30)

The plot of the story is an extremely tricky part to address because ,in my opinion, I feel that it isn't exactly a full-length one-shot but instead is a drabble story. The story plot feels like a drabble a lot rather than a one-shot because one-shot are usually longer, more complete, has direction in the story and usually isn't sometime poetic and requires a lot of reader's interpretation which yours has. The ending of the story was vague and uncertain if it's a one-shot but if it's a drabble, I would be able to refer and make up my own ending. If I would to judge this story as a one-shot instead of a drabble, it would be a rather incomplete one-shot and it's definitely too short.

Originality: (14/20)

The story was really short so in terms of originality, I can't give enough points because there was barely any content or original plot ideas or plot twists and I believe it's a idea from B.A.P's mv. The originality I can comment on was how you ended and started the story - the way you had decide to write the story. You started with Youngjae already kidnapped and Daehyun missing him which was rather interesting. Many would choose to before he was being kidnapped in a one-shot but again I feel that 'Sorry' is more of a drabble story.

Language: (18/20)

The grammar and everything else was great and it shows that you proofread your story before posting but there are times when I feel that the sentence structure should be better phrased.

Writing Style: (16/20)

However, the way you had written the story was unique and special to me so I award you points for this. As mentioned, it felt poetic and depressing. You can definitely deliver the particular mood and feeling to the readers through your writings. 

Characterization: (20/30)

Despite the story being short, the connection between the characters was felt. I can feel the pain and misery and regret that's drowning Daehyun in pain. You even managed to write a few parts that make readers 

Flow: (18/30)

One thing that I'm constantly saying throughout the review is the story is so short and way too short to be a complete one-shot so the flow of the story was too fast-paced. The story is so short that it fits into one-page and I can read the story. The flow of the story may be fast-paced but I really have to rewards you about how despite it's short length of the story, it doesn't feel rushed. You wrote the story in a really angst and gloomy mood and it would be wonderful if you've written a longer one.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (5/5)

I actually really love the story somehow as I'm into angst story like this. I liked how you started and ended the story, it was different and unique from the rest! And it's kind of my first B.A.P one-short/drabble and I really enjoyed it! 

Bonus (+2)

Final Score/ Total (140/200) = 70%

A/N:

I think I need to put a disclaimer that I really think that it's s drabble instead of a one-shot so the review is actually pretty inaccurate. I have a completely different rubric for drabble eg here Either way, I really like how you had written the story and how badly I wanted it to be longer and more in depth. I like it a lot but I would have enjoyed it more if it was longer. Hope you find the review insightful! And do consider changing it to either make it a longer, detailed and complete one-shot or edit to to lean more towards being it being a drabble! Best of luck xx

**