Review for jeje_bts // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

My personal Tease (Ongoing, reviewed with 7 chapters)

Title: (17/20)

Actually, to make it really short, I have strong dislike and like with the story's title. I really like it because despite it being slightly on the cliche side for the title, I thought it perfectly suit the story so much. It's that almost in every chapter, the relevance of the title and the story was highlighted making it a even stronger title. However, I couldn't understand why you didn't capitalized the letter 'p' for personal here, it would be completely grammatically correct if it's 'My Personal Tease' instead of 'My personal Tease' but I'm sure you have your reasons. 

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

I died even just from the d/f page because of it's overall appearance of the page (and also because of Jimin and his hot body and a lot of teasing photos)! The poster was just ideal and perfect for the story, it's so suiting and I think it was designed so darn well. The gif in the poster too was just so suiting to the story because of the stage and with the girl and just basically everything was done so well! I love everything in the story when it comes to visual and overall appearance. The font and style used was lovely, the organizing of credits etc in the d/f was done in a neat manner and I just have nothing else to say. I have to admit that I actually stared at the poster every time I'm in a new chapter just because it helps me get into the mood and the setting of the story!

Description and Foreword: (18/20)

I think you did a great job with the description. It gives enough insight for readers to tease them but not too much to spoil the pot of the story. I'm so thankful that you decided to add that author's note about it not being a mindless or a pwp story because it's so totally not! If I was to chance upon this story, the title might mislead me into thinking it's a story without any decent plot so that author's note really clear that thing up. To be honest, the only part I was slightly unsatisfied about was how you introduced Jimin here in the d/f but you didn't introduce K/oc girl. The reason so was because when I jumped into the story (slightly forgetting that you mentioned K in the description as the oc girl), I was so confused at either you're referring to K as in ok or it's someone nickname. You also didn't really reveal k's real full name which further confuse me there. It would be nice to give her a actually real name or either introduce her in the d/f page as well since you did introduce Jimin as the main tease in the character chart thingy. 

Personal preference: 

What bachelorette party doesn't include a night to a strip club?

(What's a bachelorette party without a night out to a strip club?)

Plot: (28/30)

The main plot here is really simple and I was so worried that it's going to stay this simple and end with a chapter but I'm so relieved to know that you managed to thicken the plot with many new elements that it brings the story into a whole new level. When the story started, it's everything that the story's description listed it as : strip club and jimin and bachelorette party. It all escalated when I reach chapter 2 where the chapter gets intense because she was being pushed into the room with Jimin and a special service was ordered for her by her friends and just when I was about to feel bored about it, the part when Jimin proved to be a special character made the read such a pleasant read. I was about to feel angered at how K is about to be violated(?) and how she doesn't want it but Jimin is kind of forcing it on her but the moment when Jimin softened upon seeing her tears seriously made me smile and feel all warm and all in love with the story and Jimin's character. To me, that's just the beginning of the plot thickening. 

Secondly, you added the part about dance classes and although I was kind of expecting Jimin to be in the class too, it still come as a surprise to know that he turns out to be her dance teacher after that embarrassing escape from him. My feels was just... I cant. It's even more fun because Jimin actually by acting that he doesn't recognize her! The dance element into the story made the whole story so special and enjoyable because it brings the character closer together and also the dance part in the story can easily blend romantic and some y kissing part in the story, further thickening the story's plot! 

Lastly, my favorite chapters has got to be the biggest tease of all of the chapters - chapter 6 and 7. Chapter 6 and 7 made me super sure that this is no ordinary story. I was literally squealing about the part when Jimin save her from J-hope and how it made her feel safe... The part where they shared a rather hot and y kiss was just a tease and why did her friend have to call her then!!!!!! /frustrated but excited/ 

My note to make the story better is to make it more engaging. I realize that the oc girl/k in the story does get pretty predictable and it would be nice to see her character grow as in the story continues but so far not much development. Furthermore, I think it's nice to actually hear some thoughts from Jimin, if you think it's a hassle to have a different point of view in the story, you could write about him talking about K to his friends because all while I was reading I was dying to know about his thoughts and feelings in the story.  The part of engaging, since the main story problem here is K's shyness, it would be nice to see the character face other problems as well. So far, it's going smoothly and it's be even more fun to see more complex problem arise.

All in all, I think you surpass expectation in the story because you managed to turn a plot only possible to complete a one-shot into so much more. You thicken the plot and you have so many lovely ideas and element in the story making it so enjoyable!

Originality: (18/20)

The story that started off with a simple plot but later twisted and changed and developed into a enjoyable chaptered story couldn't be even more creative but realistic at the same time. As I've said, the dance part and jimin's character and K's shyness made the story original! I think you juggled it all very well! It an extremely refreshing and memorable read for me. I almost forget about that wonderful feeling of reading fanfics but feel as affected as I did when I read 'My personal Tease'. It's so damn good and I can't wait for more chapters to come in the future!

Language: (18/20)

The story's language is basically perfect. There was barely any mistake/typoe that I can find and I think that you spend a lot of time in proofread and your beta did a crazy fantastic job! Kudos to the both of you. The following edits are just my personal opinion because they either sound smoother in my head or just because I would phrased them differently, feel free to ignore:

Chapter 2:
He took one hand and placed it gently on his chest. My eyes blew wide open.

(He took one of my hand and placed it gently on his chest. My eyes blew wide open.)

Chapter 3:

I probably should go and apologize.

(I should probably go and apologize.)

'You really are shy,’ he said and tilted his head again, ‘I wonder how you’re going to live through the dance festival.’

('You are really shy,’ he said and tilted his head again, ‘I wonder how you’re going to live through the dance festival.’)

Chapter 4:

‘I hope you are still coming to my dance classes,’ he said.

(‘I hope you will still come to my dance classes,’ he said.)

Chapter 5:

‘Well K,’ Sarah said, ‘it’s not that I know him personally but I do have an insight of what his personality is like and I don’t think you should worry. I was told he was a gentleman.’

(‘Well K,’ Sarah said, ‘it’s not that I know him personally but I do have an insight of what his personality is like and I don’t think you should worry. I was told that he's a true gentleman.’

Chapter 6:

‘I’m just teasing you,’ he said, ‘you look like you are about to pee in your pants or something.’

(‘I was just teasing you,’ he said, ‘you look like you are about to pee in your pants or something.’)

Writing Style: (17/20)

I really enjoyed your writing style here in the story, it's concise but so detailed at the same time! I love it whenever you're describing about jimin or how perfect he look because your descriptive writing it so on-point that if you would to let anyone guessed who you're describing without telling them Jimin, I'm pretty sure they'll be about to guessed who it is. For eg, his eye liner, his skin, his body, his outfit, how it makes his hair shine and messy etc... There's one thing that I spot though that you tend to repeat ' my lips' a lot for K. It could be when she's nervous, or tired, or awkward that you'll write about it repetitively. It's alright but because it's a /ratedm fic, whenever I read ' my lips', I would've thought of it as in a seductive manner. Perhaps you can write ' my lips nervously' instead? Other than that, I think you have a great sense of writing style.

Characterization: (25/30)

The best character in the story is so totally jimin. Not that I like him (as a idol) but the unexpected sides of his character here just completes everything. I love how surprised I am that he look hurt when she shed some tears, I love how he's admiring her but I have no idea what is he thinking, I'm dying to know what made him attracted to K, I love how he saved her from j-hope in a cocky and cute and confident way and I love how he make K feel safe and secure. His character really made me love the story even more because he make me feel surprise and moved and at the same time fall for him as well. While for K, her character was slightly on the plain side and I would wished to see her character grow in the story. I want to see different sides of her instead of being about to predict her moves or thoughts about certain things. Still, it's too early to say but I think K is a character to look out for in the future chapters because I'm sure you have plans for her character. Also, I've suggested about a different point of view because it'll really help readers see Jimin in a different light instead of keep knowing information from K's point of view. It'll really help with the characterization as well to know more about jimin's thoughts and side of the story.

Flow: (27/30)

The flow of the story was smooth and every change of scene was done well to avoid confusion! I also really like you well you're about to transition the previous chapter to the new chapter without making the readers feel confuse or any of that sort. The pace of the story was slightly on the slow side because everything that happened all happened in a short period of time, it will be good to paced the story into timeline of days, weeks etc instead of a daily type of pace. A time apart will be good for each character to think and do other things other than bumping or meeting coincidentally with each other every single time.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I loved the story even though I'm not used to reading bts fics. I've just started liking them about two months ago and I've just haven't come to familiar myself enough to read their fics but I really enjoyed this so maybe i should hunt for more bts fics! The only part that I feel disappointed with was that there's still not after 7 chapters! I can't wait for that chapter to come! However, to add another point, I'm glad you're able to fulfilled the romance theme of the story and I'm sure when the chapter comes it'll fulfilled the tag in the story as well! 

Bonus (+6)

How can I not give bonus for the constant tease in every chapter or for jimin or that cliffhanger in chapter 7! 

Final Score/ Total (183/200) = 91.5%

A/N:

I'm sorry if I don't make much sense because I'm too absorbed and hyped after reading 'My personal Tease'! There's no way I'm missing out all this fun, totally subscribing for good and upvoting it! Good luck with it and i'll be anticipating the future chapters to come! I . Cant . Wait.  This story will get featured but please give me some time to link you up! 

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