☁ Let Me Love You Wallflower. (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)

Sehun's Review and Recommendation Café [Closed]

Review for RockyBlue // Reviewed by: AutumnsConcierto

 

Title and Story link:  

Let Me Love You Wallflower. (Until You Learn to Love Yourself) (Ongoing, reviewed with 5 chapters)

 

Title: (15/20)

The title is a bit long, and admittedly, cliche. I'm pretty sure I've heard of a title similar to yours before, whether it be a song or just something. Also, I'm curious as to why you put a period in the title, plus the parenthesis? The title did not give me the motivation to read the story whatsoever, because, although the title may be the only one out there, it's just a combination of recycled words in titles. You aren't that far into the story yet either, so I can't really connect the title to the story as of now. I'll see how the story progresses and relates to the title as time goes on, but as of now, the general idea coming in my head is that Chanyeol will fall for Baekhyun and he'll want to love Baekhyun until he can finally learn to love himself. 

 

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I love the way you have everything layed out, it's very neat and pretty. I especially love those posters you place at the beginning of every chapter.

Eh, the main poster isn't anything that great, but it works. A background would be preferred, but seriously, those posters for every chapter though.

 

Description and Foreword: (14/20)

Description- Note this mistake for Baekhyun's section:

(Original) ... he was never that close to his family he wasn't big on people either.

(Correction) ... he was never that close to his family and he wasn't big on people either.

Also, you have a total of 5 commas in the sentence after this. Having all those pauses in just one sentence is a bit too much. Other than that, it's a pretty solid description of Baekhyun although I personally don't think it accurately describes him. I'll explain my reasoning later in the characterization.

Next up is Chanyeol's little section. Same thing, there's one sentence that has an excessive amount of commas to me, and I think the sentence in a way is repetative as well. Change the comma of the last sentence in his paragraph to a period! Haha. His description is much more accurate than that of Baekhyun's, but it still needs some work. 

Foreword- Your foreword only consists of snippets from the prologue, but I loved the second snippet more than the first simply because it displays an interaction between the two main characters.

 

Plot: (22/30)

Creating the situation where Baekhyun meets Chanyeol officially because they have to work on a project together is a bit... bland. There are so many stories that have already recreated this type of meeting. But, I like that fact that they have to work on something that Baekhyun's weak at, romance. Meaning this time around, no matter what, Baekhyun will really need Chanyeol's help if he wants to delve further into the story they'll create emotionally. 

The story is interesting and I do want to know about what will happen, like the unraveling of the love story and the creative process of their novel, but it's not exactly a hook for me. It's good, but nothing really catches my attention or stands out. The story hasn't displayed that twist or surprise that makes it any different from another ol' romantic story. That's why I decreased plot points a little more.

 

Originality: (15/20)

I think I've already summarized in the above section why it's not original, in a sense. The ideas have already been used and are too typical of another story. You haven't added any twists to make the story very original so far, but I'll anticipate for the further chapters.

 

Language: (18/20)

I did notice little spelling mistakes here and there, just a sprinkle of grammar mistakes as well, but they aren't that bothersome to me when I read because they aren't frequent and are small errors. Just be sure to go back and review those errors if you ever have time to edit or anything like that. :)

 

Writing Style: (18/20)

Your writing style is very clean, you manage to convey all character emotions clearly and your descriptive words and such help out a lot. I can connect with the characters to a certain extent just from when they have their conversations.

 

Characterization: (20/30)

Oof, I'm sorry, but I am deducting a lot for characterization. My main issue is this: Baekhyun, by definition, is most definitely NOT a wallflower. He's just rude and anti-social. An actual wallflower is just shy and fades away in the background, and they stray from crowds just because it's not in his/her personality. They're hidden gems once you get to know them. Baekhyun on the other hand, from just reading his reactions and such just hates people and avoids them. He's been the sass queen of the story, meaning he really has no problems communicating with others. Considering your entire story is revolving around him being a wallflower, you've based it off of the wrong word. Wallflower does not equal Baekhyun.

As for Chanyeol, on the other hand, I'd say his role stays accurate to how you described him in the description. I'm excited to see how far this happy-go-lucky dude will go.

 

Flow: (28/30)

I have no issues with the flow, the story is evenly paced and makes sense through and through. The sentences connect to each other so they run smoothly.

 

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (3/5)

It was a bit of a drag at some points, but Baekhyun's sassiness just reminds me of someone I know. lol. 

 

Bonus (+3)

 

Final Score/ Total (160/200) = 80%

 

 

A/N: 

I'm sooo sorry for the late review! Like everyone in the world I've been busy with life and such. I hope you continue writing this story and improve along the path! Best of luck to you. ^^

 

 

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Comments

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GikHan
#1
Chapter 211: i hope u dont deactivate the acc yet as i want to read it as a learning for me thanks :)
-TUANA-
#2
Panda-Chu
#3
I don't suppose you guys will be open again soon? //bricked
marzorie25
#4
Chapter 282: thank you for the review! <3
Sweetmusic6
#5
I sent the application form~^^
Sweetmusic6
#6
Hi~^^ I'd like to apply to be a reviewer. If you have any questions please contact me on my profile or PM me~^^ thanks
reikundesho #7
Title: Of Fingers and Lullabies
Story's link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/693815/of-fingers-and-lullabies-angst-fluff-romance-exo-chanbaek
Length: Prologue/3
Password: Yehet
Preferred Reviewer: pilsuk
Themes: angst, tragedy, slightly romcom
Graded review: Yes
Additional Comments: I enjoyed and appreciated the last review pilsuk provided me the last time, which was for my fic Awake My Soul. I would like to thank you again for that! It totally helped me into correcting the mistakes you acknowledged. Anyway, I would be more than privileged if you reviewed my this Chanbaek piece. I posted this almost a year ago btw :) I don't really mind if it will take time. I completely understand. Thanks again!
sevenpixels #8
Chapter 278: Oh my, thank you so so so so so much! I will go improve on my story and hopefully you'll still accept requests!
caleesia #9
Chapter 282: Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Yes, I did look around for graphic shops, but the only two I liked were on hiatus so I decided the poster would just have to wait. And thanks for your positive comments on the description, because that was the part I spent the most time writing and I honestly worried about giving too much away. But there were a lot of things I drew from personal experience, so seeing that you seem to be able to relate to the story and characters really makes me happy as a writer. I would love to request another review later on when I've uploaded more of the cic (when I have time to write more of the fic), but for now I've credited the shop! Thank you!