Review for cerberos // Reviewed by: exoticmermaid

Title and Story link:  

The Protector (Completed, reviewed with 16 chapters)

Title: (15/20)

I think your title is a little common especially for stories with the same genre as yours, but it’s still relevant to the whole story. My first impression when I read it was I thought that this would be a cheesy loveou choose a story about a guy that would do anything to save the girl he fell in love with, so, yeah, it’s not really appealing to me. It would be best if you make it clear that your story is different than other stories with the cheesy plot by pointing out that the one who was being saved is the girl, not the guy.

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

I love how your poster screams angst and action—Dara’s face looks like she could really kill somebody. The title and the quote are a little hard to read because they blend too well with the background colour, but it doesn’t mean that the poster is less pretty. I also love your quote! It makes me wonder what kind of ‘darker side’ that the characters could have.

It would be nice if you add a background, to make it look even better.

Description and Foreword: (20/20)

I find this section really, really interesting. The summary of the story managed to interest me. I really like the sentence “He carried things deep inside him that no one has yet to understand, and I, I was afraid to fail, like the others.” because it really looks like Seunghyun is a very complicated man that no one understands and Dara is determined to understand him, but she’s really afraid she would end up failing like other people who have tried to do so before. It’s really sad, especially when it’s followed with the sentence “He was the ocean and I was just a girl who loved the waves but was completely terrified to swim.” It shows just how much Dara tries to understand Seunghyun despite the terrible fear she feels and it’s just simply beautiful; it makes people wonder what Dara will do to fight her fear and what kind of a guy Seunghyun is.

Your foreword is pretty neat and I like how you arranged links, so I don’t really have a say about it.

Plot: (26/30)

At first, I thought that, “oh, this will be another story about saving our loved one’s life” but your plot is deeper than that. The idea of marrying an agent so that she could be your protector is really interesting and I'm glad that Dara is the ne saving Seunghyun's life, because it's refeshing to read a story where the man is the one that's being saved by the girl, not the other way around. On the first few chapters—the introduction—you already showed us a very interesting story, because it was only the beginning but the conflict was already there (when Sandara found the Prime Minister badly injured and when Seunghyun suddenly 'proposed' to her). Just in one chapter you already promised us a good story with the amount of conflict that showed up and you kept on doing so on the next chapters (like the sudden flashback on chapter two and three).

I’m so in love with Dara’s and Seunghyun’s relationship and the fact that they knew each other once a long time ago but then Dara acted like they were strangers—this is my favourite type of relationship actually. You presented it to us slowly at first. One thing I want to comment here is I thought their relationship changed a little bit too rushed; I know they used to know each other once, but Dara had been avoiding him for years so I thought it supposed to take longer than that for them to be actually comfortable with each other. The scene on chapter seven is also a little bit unexpected because one second Dara was worrying about her brother then she suddenly out Seunghyun's name

You also made the whole agent thing sound real; like it’s taken from a real action movie or book—which also made it less surprising because you didn't really put your own 'agent story' to make it different than those in novels and movies. For example, the part where Seunghyun was giving a speech on chapter eight and suddenly he got shot by Chaerin; I can imagine this part in my head clearly because this scene happened in every movie with the same genre as yours. Maybe you could make it different by changing the way  Chaerin assassinated Seunghyun—like poisoning him in the middle of an important dinner or a meeting. What I like is how you also put other country's conflicts too, not just the story about the Prime Minister's dangerous life.

And your ending. I wasn't surprised at all when it was revealed that Shin Sungrok was the bad guy since you already gave out a few hints here and there that he was the bad guy. Dara's and Seunghyun's ending was the one that surprised me. I was really surprised when I read chapter 15; she was gone and then she left to Palestine and she died. I was like, “oh my God, is this why the story has the tag angst?” because the emotion there felt so real, but then the last chapter got me squealing like a little girl on a Christmas day. I kind of curious where Dara was hiding, though, since you didn't mention it. The part where Seunghyun was trying to convince Dara to spend the rest of her life with him is also a little bit too fast for me, but I like the fact that you managed to slip the title in the middle of his poetic speech. Even though I wished for a longer one, it’s still so beautiful.

Originality: (17/20)

The main idea of the story is not really original since I’ve read a quite similar plot whether it's about the agent or assassination, but the plot twists make it more interesting. For example, the obvious one, the sudden proposal. I really didn't expect that especially on the first chapter. It's not that original, but then you came up with the surprise that they both had known each other once before; both of the idea combined looked pretty original to me. The part where you revealed that Jiyong liked Dara is not that surprising since on most stories like this, they just have to put the idea of a side character fell for the main characters.

Language: (18/20)

There’s no major error in your story, seriously. There are some typos scattered here and there that kind of irked me as a reviewer, but they don’t ruin the flow and most of them are not obvious—you have to read it carefully to spot one. Your use of punctuation marks is also very good and I want to appalud you for that.

Writing Style: (18/20)

Your writing style makes your story easy to read and enjoyable. It’s not too formal and complicated, but it’s still detailed; it gives the readers the ability to feel and to imagine the current situation. Even the way you described what Dara wore is pretty detailed from her hair to her shoes. You also seemed to understand the whole agent thing, so there's nothing too confusing o absurd whenever the topic was brought up. Your vocabulary range is pretty wide—some of the words you use are not common and it’s good. I really, really like your writing style in the last chapter; the way you write the whole fluffy scene makes my heart flutter.

Characterization: (25/30)

I love your main characters. Dara was a one tough girl; a really perfect example of a professional agent. I loved how she acted oh-so-agent like in the first few chapters; the way she interacted with Seunghyun showed us that she wasn't the kind of girl that let her feelings messed with her jobs. The last chapter also showed me that she was willing to do anything as long as Seunghyun's happy; that she was willing to wait forever for Seunghyun—I really adored her in this story. Seunghyun also has the proper personality as a Prime Minister, but he's also a sweetheart whenever he was with Dara. I kind of wish you gave him more than just a lovestruck prime minister to make him more real. What I love the most is the interaction between Dara and Seunghyun—they’re just so adorable, I can't take it. 

Other characters didn't really develop throughout the story, but they're not the Mary-Sue kind of character also. For example, Chaerin. You didn't really give her a significant personality that makes her different. She was just another cold blooded assassin to me. The same thing with Sungrok; he was just another villain that wanted more powers than what he already had. Sure it didn't seem important since the story was more focused into Dara's effort to protect Seunghyun, but it would be nice to give the other important characters more personalities.

Flow: (26/30)

The flow is pretty smooth to me. It’s really enjoyable and I don’t feel like it’s rushed (except some parts that I mentioned in the plot section) and I most definitely don’t feel like it’s boring (except for the cheesy assassination part). I adore how you managed to put flashback here and there without making the readers confused and I also love how Dara's and Seunghyun's reationship develops. The time setting is good too and how you stated it everytime to make the readers know how long does it take for a certain part to happen, not only putting 'a few months later' and such. It’s reasonable, your time setting, like how it takes twelve months for Dara and Seunghyun to see each other again because in real life, I think we really need that much time before we get to see our ‘dead’ partner again.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I enjoyed my time reading your story even though I'm not a really big fan of Big Bang! The fluff makes my heart flutter and the ending—I really can’t stop gushing over your ending, what have you done to me?—makes me fall in love more. The action part kind of bored me, but I think that’s just me.

Bonus (+5)

Bonus because there's Park Bom here and because I really love the last chapter..

Final Score/ Total (179/200) = 89.5%

A/N:

I tried to be detailed and tried hard not to be biased because I really like your story. I really love the ending. I really do. Love. The ending.

**