Review for xoxoexo // Reviewed by: ordinary_days01

Title and Story link:  

Paper Wings (Completed, three-shot)

Title: (20/20)

The title was absolutely perfect for this fic. It's symbolic to the story and holds so much meaning in how the characters developed. I really like it. Well done! 

Overall Appearance: (3.5/5)

The poster was nice, I just wish Kyungsoo's picture was different. I mean, this isn't a christmas fic (or at least I don't think it is) so I wasn't really getting his picture. The format for the description and foreword I thought was neat and pretty. I liked it a lot. I also absolutely loved how you named the chapters too. It's French, right? I thought that was really cute and it's actually one of my favorites things out of the whole story since I've never seen anything like it. 

Description and Foreword: (17/20)

The only problem I primarily have a problem with is the description. The appropriate letters aren't capitalized. It kind of turned me off since that's one of the first things I have to read and it didn't give me such a good feeling. 

Original: jongin saw the last of himself in a white blank piece of paper, but kyungsoo believed in angels and learning how to fly.

Correction: Jongin saw the last of himself in a white, blank piece of paper, but Kyungsoo believed in angels and learning how to fly.

>This looks a whole lot better because it's correctly capitalized and gives off a good impression right from the start. 

Other than that, the description was nice. It interested me in what would happen and made me want to read more. As for the two quotes on the side, it was a good touch but I didn't like nor get the colors. They didn't match with anything and I wasn't understand why those two lines were the only ones a different color. I think you should make them the same color as the description, and when quoting something, italicize it. 

Plot: (24/30)

When I first started reading your story, I was immediately confused with the prologue (?). I just didn't get why it was there. I actually thought it was a poem from the format and the lack of quotation marks. I would suggest maybe putting that somewhere else (maybe at the part when Kyungsoo's thinking about memory of his mother first teaching him how to make the paper wings when he's telling Jongin about his past) or, just taking it out altogether. It seemed out of place to me. 

I liked when (at the end) Kyungsoo came to the hospital looking for Jongin only to find out he checked out. I was all 'WHAT?' since I wasn't expecting it. Nice plot twist I have to say. There weren't many though. But I honestly wasn't expecting any since this fic didn't seem like it needed it. 

Still with that same section, the ending was very beautiful and meaningful but when Jongin said that his father found a doctor to heal his leg a couple days after talking to Kyungsoo, didn't seem believable at all. It was like you just wanted there to be some type of happy ending for him and it didn't make any sense. I think that you did a great job with the ending (Jongin's farewell to Kyungsoo) but that part kind of struck me the wrong way. I wish you would've made that part more believable instead of abruptly throwing it in there that they found a doctor for his leg because he started to 'believe'.

Originality: (18/20)

I feel like I've seen a lot of story's like this but yours definitely isn't like the rest. I think maybe it's because yours actually had some type of moral and you seemed like you put emotion into it. Like it wasn't something you just made up. There was something more to it. And you didn't have them end up together in the end. I liked that very much because if you hadn't, it would've seemed like all the rest. Too cliche. You made your own twist to a kind of abundantly used plot. 

Language: (19/20)

I don't really have anything to complain about regarding the language, which is good because it seems like every time I write a review, this is the section I take the most points off on. It's actually refreshing to read a story with so minimal grammatical mistakes. There were a few sentences I had to read over again but overall, it wasn't unbearable—far from it actually. But I would still suggest you look for a beta-reader to fix those small mistakes. 

Writing Style: (17/20)

You're a really great writer and you used a bunch of different words which is something I really like in stories. You have a way with words I guess. I find you're writing style distinct from the other author's I've did reviews on because I sometimes feel the things you type have a deeper meaning. Like there's something behind it that no one could see but you. 

But, I wish you would describe things more often. You've got everything else except for that. I couldn't get a picture of what really anything was supposed to look like and that bothered me. I know this story isn't that long but I really think that you should try to describe at least something (maybe the garden Kyungsoo see's Jongin in the first time they meet?). 

Characterization: (29/30)

I liked the characters a lot, especially Chanyeol. He really was the comic relief and I'm glad you put someone like him in the story to kind of give that sense of normalcy and lift the spirits. I wish Joonmyun would've played a bigger role in the story since he was Kyungsoo's brother but overall, I'm satisfied with how you portrayed the characters. You wanted us to believe Kyungsoo and Jongin were strong people, and I did. I especially love how Jongin's character developed so much throughout the story. He would be a memorable character for me. 

Flow: (30/30)

There wasn't a moment when I was completely confused with what was going on. You didn't make things too hard to follow, which I thank you greatly for. Your flow was consistent and neat and I like that you didn't try to throw so many things in there at once. It was simple and I enjoyed not being confused haha. Good job!

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4.5/5)

Bonus (+4)

Final Score/ Total (185/200) = 93.5%

A/N:

I sincerely apologize for the super short and super late review but I hoped it helped at least a little bit. I enjoyed reading your fic and good luck on the contests!

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