Review for sevenpixels // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Papercuts. (Completed one-shot)

Title: (18/20)

I thought the title was original, catchy, had a deep meaning with the story and was memorable! I liked it a lot! I loved how it has a deeper meaning to the title and that the whole story was connected with the title - Papercuts. I thought it's a lovely title! However, by right, it should be Paper cuts. but it's just something small that can be ignored.

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

The overall appearance was perfect! That beautiful poster, the font used, italic used, the size for wordings to f/d page, everything was perfect, organized, neat and because you used grey and italic for emphaisis, it created that angst mood while reading the story.

Description and Foreword: (12/20)

The overall appearance and f/d was done really nicely but the content written in the d/f was extremely misleading and it doesn't really make much sense with the main story plot itself. It would've better to write about the meaning of the papercuts that you wrote in the story as an except or just focus on giving a summary of the story instead of writing a content that doesn't make much link/sense with the main plot. The description content was a lot less misleading and confusing as the foreword but improvement can be done to the sentence structure.

Plot: (18/30)

To be extremely honest here, I don't actually understand the story completely. Sometimes when I'm reading, I feel that I completely get the whole story that it's a fantasy or it's a reincarnation or it's a ghost story but between all the guesses I'm really lost. And you don't write literally which is actually a good thing because it keeps the suspense and guessing to the readers but I was beyond lost that out of the whole story (including bandages and papers and healed), I probably only understand minor parts/scenes in the story and not as a whole story. Sometimes when you say that someone or that person died, I don't know if you mean it literally or just as a metaphor. 

In terms of clarity and understanding plot, Bandages. was the best. In terms of the beauty of the writings and angst feeling , Papercuts. was the most impressive. Bandages made me understand a little more about the story and I definitely feel that all three should be combine for readers to understand your story better. 

I loved the plot about breaking the rule. It's so breathtakingly beautiful yet heart shattering at the same time. For me, that was the of the story, it was the saddest and more heartbreaking part. I love it. I love the idea that he broke all those rules to spend one full day with him but it was a satisfying day for both of them. And I'm even more proud of Baekhyun when he was finally accepting the reality and healed but still love Park Chanyeol so much.

Originality: (20/20)

Full marks here no argument! Some of the plot ideas and plot twists were not really original or new but overall wise there's are more than enough memorable and original plot ideas that made the whole story original overall especially the part about the notebook, the breaking of the rules, the start of the story where they're both in elementary and all were all parts that were original and you managed to twist a rather supposedly unoriginal story to something original, something yours. Well done!

Language: (10/20)

It's unfortunate that the language part didn't score well even though you have one amazing writing style that I love. There are way too many errors and grammar errors and sentence structure problem in the story. I've listed a few examples for you below but please do look through and proof read the story and I'm sure it'll be a lot better!

1. You didn't capitalize the 'I'

for eg (taken from paragraph 1) and it's inconsistent throughout the whole story.

However, a spark ignited in me and i cannot help but to giggle at the silly rain trying its best to spread the gloom. My mother would always tell me that on that night, i chased the devils away with my laughter that resounded throughtout the street.

2. You capitalize some wrongly

for eg:

The Byun Baekhyun that chased the storm away died, In his place was Byun Baekhyun, the one that creates them. 

Other examples:

Im facing my fate.

I found a bench and a gently placed myself there as though im a fragile piece of bead that'll be shattered any moment. 

(I found a bench and gently sat myself down as though I'm a fragile piece of bead that might shatter any moment.)

However, this memory with chanyeol was worth the sacrifices i will have to make. 

(However, this memory with Chanyeol was worth the sacrifices that I will have to make.)

"yeah?"

("Yeah?")

However, it holds greater powers in it. So great, the only pain felt is a papercut. 

(However, it holds a greater power in it. So great, the only pain felt is through a paper cut.)

Writing Style: (18/20)

The writing style of the story was a powerful one. I loved how every sentence has its own meaning and angst feeling oozing out of it. There's no doubt that you did well in portraying the angst feeling in the story and I was very much moved by your writings. As you can already tell, my favorite part is when Baekhyun was reading what Chanyeol wrote about the breaking of the rules and also about the constant emphasis of paper cuts Baekhyun had.

Characterization: (15/30)

The characterization is rather weak in Papercuts but it's more detailed in Bandages. Still, since Papercuts in the focus of the story as a story, the characterization was weak. There was barely anything between the main characters that can come off as a connection, the information was minimal and it just wasn't enough. I wished you could have written more about Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kris(?) in Papercuts. 

Flow: (14/30)

The flow of the story was disrupted and extremely fast. It was too fast and too short to be enjoyed by the readers. Just when I was to get immersed in emotion during the of the story, it ended off too abruptly. Many scenes and paragraphs was alike as to being cut off abruptly. I think you can solve the flow of the story to be smooth if you could combine all three story into a more complete and long one-shot. It felt messy because many beginning/past of the story was written in Bandages, and Paper cuts focused on the present/five years later part. Combining both will not only solve the confusion in the story and help readers understand the story better but the flow of the story will definitely be a lot better and less choppy and all over the place.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I have no regrets, I love the story! Despite all the language errors/mistakes and the flow of the story, I feel beauty in the story plot. This can be easily well enjoyed and loved by many if only it was combined together and written in a more direct and longer story. It's a refreshing read for me to be reading a story that is filled with so many creative and original ideas!

Bonus (+4)

Giving more points because I'm too addicted to re-reading all of my favourite scene/parts that I read in the story and also for that bittersweet ending - Park Baekhyun. /fainted/

Final Score/ Total (138/200) = 69%

A/N:

I read all from Papercuts, Bandages and Healed because what you said was right - If I don't read all of it, I will probably understand nothing. If that's the case, I didn't know why you had to cut it up to three part that further make it more confusing and lost. I think combining it together and with minor editing, the story will be better!

ps/ I was reading the story and writing this review with Young the Giant's Cough Syrup on repeat. It was a wonderful mix! Give it a listen and maybe it'll give you inspiration to edit or maybe write a new angst story? All the best *^^* 

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