Review for zimmie9589 // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Burning love (Completed, reviewed with 4 chapters)

Title: (16/20)

I can try to relate and see some connection between the title and the storyline because the story is about love and I can see how you tried relating the duration of love with burning love. I really liked the idea and I thought it suits the story really well but I was hoping that in the d/f or at least somewhere in the 4 chapters, you would have explained more about the title more. For eg. You could have written a few sentences about burning love and compared that with their relationship so that the readers can finally understand the title with the story. However, I felt that the title lack that spark to attract readers to read because it's kind of flat and it doesn't sound interesting. I would have changed up the title a bit to make it more unique or interesting or you can also change the title a bit to:

-Burning love

to

(Burning Love)

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I loved the posters and all the pictures you used as for your chapter main imagine! However, the d/f page overall appearance was messy and so does the chapter overall appearance. The d/f page was a bit messy and plain at the same time. I think it's a good idea to have a character chart here because you have quite a lot of side characters that I keep forgetting such as: Jia, Zed, Luhan, Sehun, Myungsoo etc. The chapter page is alright but I would have hoped for more consistency because you changed the front and size and style of the words in some chapters and some different which can get quick messy. 

Description and Foreword: (13/20)

The description and foreword was confusing for me; I didn't quite understand what the description is about because it's basically referring to one thing and it doesn't quite match your story. If you would've have change the description and write about the meaning behind your title, it would have made more sense and sound more interesting. The foreword isn't quite fitting as well because you introduced side/unimportant characters such as Jia and Myungsoo instead of focusing on the main characters. For the foreword, I think it'll be great if you take a snippet from the story and place it here as the sneak preview because you have an amazing sense of writing style and some of your sentences are quite the masterpiece. Or you can write more about how they meet first because you jumped into the story very quickly in chapter one, you can write something about Kris being attracted to Amber or Amber being introduced as a band member in the foreword because that'll be great!

Plot: (27/30)

The plot was lovely. I finally understand the meaning of the tag/theme: slice of life. It's such a simple plot but you turned it into so beautiful, heart-breaking and truthful at the same time that I don't know where or which to start describing first. I also love the little surprises and plot twists that happened in the story such as the back story about Kris and about Amber's parents and life and it really gets to me because it feels that there's a huge development in the plot and in characterization. I liked how when you're writing about their tragedy and past, I see a difference in your characters and how I see them. The ideas used about their past was extremely good, unique, original and refreshing to read. 

I liked how the plot started about Yifan falling head over heels over Amber and how Amber affects Yifan in a way he can't deny that he have fell in love with her.

The ending was just beautiful and I think the approach you took to end the story was risky but it was worth it. I almost never read stories that give a lot of room for readers to think of their own ending and when they do, it feels wrong and lacking but not yours. After getting to the end of the story, I had this fuzzy, warm and special feeling spread in me and the approach you took made the story so much more special and memorable.

Overall, I think the story plot revolves a lot more about character and characterization so I'll write more about it below.

The only thing I can think of that wasn't good enough was how the plot started really quickly from the start without any warning. Of course, by the time I get to the middle of the first chapter, I would've guessed that it's from Yifan's point of view but it'll be better for you to indicate or warn the readers. For eg, before the start of the chapter, write out who's pov you're referring to. 

Originality: (18/20)

As mentioned in the plot, I think you're superb to start off with a simple plot of a man falling in love with a sepcial girl and slowly developed the story so well with so many original ideas that made the story engaging. I really like the back story of both characters and also about Kris' accident and so much more! I also liked how you ended the story with that letter, I thought that was a brilliant idea and it's a special feeling getting the readers to think of how the story ended. It was just spectacular. 

Language: (11/20)

Unfortunately, I can't seem to really give you the points you deserve in 'Language' because there was a lot of mistakes in the story and it made the sentences really awkward and weird. I think if you would to get this story proofread, it might helped a lot of the mistakes or at least just edit and read through the story again. I just picked some mistakes from chapter one but please do read through and edit the other chapters as well.

Writing Style: (18/20)

Your writing style definitely make up for 'language' because the way you write the story, it's just a art piece - hard to judge and pinpoint. Admittedly, a lot of mistakes here and there and there was quite a few awkward sentences that doesn't make much sense, there was a lot of hidden jewels in this story. A lot of sentences and description you wrote about the main character's feeling melts naturally in me. Here are some that I enjoyed the most that I can read over and over but there was a lot of such sentences that sounded so passionate and lovely in the story. I especially the description you wrote of Amber because I just kind of realize how true your description of her are and I realized that Amber is a lot of beautiful and special than I thought. (Even though I already adored her so much)

Eventually, she shoved him off the cliff and he saw himself freely falling. It hurt a lot, to the point the he numbed and paralyzed. Yifan couldn't believe this was the Amber he had loved beforehand. 

In the first night together, looking into his eyes, into the my reflection on his obs, for a second, I saw me so beautiful.

Characterization: (24/30)

Amber and Yifan's characterization was almost perfect. You even described both of their past but I felt that there's so much more information missing from each of them. Whenever you changed point of view, I get so curios what the other person is feeling/thinking. For instance, when you're writing in Amber's pov, I get so curious about Yifan's. There's so much growth and character development between the both of them and I love reading stories with a lot of character growth! I thought that both of their connection felt so real in here as well, you definitely pulled it off. 

At first, I thought both of them fell in love too quickly but somehow after reading more about them, I felt that I understand how their love was true and it's almost natural to see their relationship developed.

However, I do feel that you added in too much side characters and they're not really important or crucial in the story and they confuses me as well. 

Flow: (19/30)

The flow of the story was quite perplexing for me because you skipped a lot of time frame and sometimes I wonder at which stage in the story we're at. You can skipped one-two year and suddenly it's Yifan's and Amber's third anniversary? The time frame in the story should be clear at all chapters, if you really need to skipped years forward, you can indicate them in the chapter with 'Two years later' or something like that. The pace of the story was a bit too fast for my liking as well, it was too fast from the beginning and it ended to abruptly without slowly creasing to a closing. You jumped too quickly from the start and as I stated before it got me slightly confusing for 5 minutes because while writing the first chapter there's close to no indication that you're writing in Yifan's pov. You should planned the story better by having a start, middle and end. When you're revealing about Amber's or Yifan's past, it gets confusing to see both of their parents come into the story and leave and come back again and I can't differentiate between Amber's parents with Yifan's parents. Quite often I get really confused with the story but overall I managed to catch the story main plot and ending etc.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I really enjoyed reading those breath-taking sentences you wrote in the story and how you described both of their relationship together. I love this story so much because it's so real and truthful but it's being told in such a fascinating and special manner!

Bonus (+3)

Final Score/ Total (157/200) = 78.5%

A/N:

More dedicated and special authors like you should exist <3  Gosh, I don't know where to start but to keep things short, I'm deeply apologetic for the extremely late review and thank you so so much for your patience for this review! Although I'm quite confuse with the story, I kind of interpreted the story my way and hope that you manage to make some sense from my review >_<  Thank you for requesting and I loved the story! Simple and painful but it's very truthful and sincere!

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