Review for ngocdoaan // Reviewed by: Fantascape

Title and Story link:  

Perfection of an Artist (Completed, one-shot)

Title: 

I found the title to be incredibly fitting for the story! At first-glance, it seemed a bit vauge and almost cliche seeing as so many writers like to focus on an artist's desire for beauty or perfection. It seemed like an obvious choice and I believed it could have been played around with a bit... But the second I read your fic, I realized the bitter meaning behind this particular 'artist' and his perfection. In all honesty, the title seemed subtle enough to make me reread it, but it didn't grasp me immediately. Regardless, the title is to the point and it takes on a much deeper meaning once the reader truly understands the story. 

Overall Appearance: 

You may not have a poster nor a layout, but that didn't rob the story of it's structural beauty. If anything, its simplicity is what captures it all the more. There's nothing to distract or serve as a portrayer- there is only the fic and it's reader. By giving me no choice but to truly focus solely on the fic, I was able to immerse myself even better. You painted out the pictures of these characters far better than any poster could have done, so for that I give you your props! The font choice was impeccable! Using graceful serif fonts on a story filled with sincerity and angst is fitting as it delivers a delicate beauty to the page. The paragraphs were neatly-written and evenly-spaced, giving me the impression that you put plenty of time to set it up. Overall, you created a backbone for this story that's sturdy but also well-ordered and refined.

Description and Foreword: 

I couldn't stop gushing over the description! It takes a particular writer to be able to give the audience a proper portrayal of the story without revealing too much or too little. All too often, a description has left me bewildered because I had no idea what it was saying or disappointed because it gave away the story. If you give too much, the reader gauges the story before even getting to the first chapter, and already that sets the writer up for 'line-skimming'. If you give too little, the reader hasn't a clue what to expect and will come to wonder how the description could fit to open up the story. But yours was a beautiful balance in between those parallels... I wanted to know why Sehun craved perfection and how Luhan draws into it... I wanted to know the signficance of those "tic-tac pills" and "soaring skies". You left me with a desire to know, and that's the point of the description.

The foreword was even more magnificent. People tend to snip rather long excerpts to portray their characters. These excerpts sometimes prove meaningless in the scope of the entire story, and the author ends up revealing too much. Again, you gave me just enough to tease me and make me interested, but you withdrew at just the right moment. You made me chase after Sehun's meaning... I had no idea what Luhan's suggestion of dinner had to do with "painting", until I read that fic... Much like the title, the foreword is so seemingly innocent and easy to overlook, up until the fic is read and the hidden meanings begin to perforate every theory one would have. Beautiful work.

Plot: 

In a blunt synopsis that does this story little justice, basically the fic is about a model who seeks perfection at the hands of an eating disorder and his make-up artist who desires to free him of it. It's a beautifully-crafted piece, but I'd be lying if I said I've never seen this concept done before. Model!AU stories aren't uncommon in the EXO fandom, and the instant the word 'angst' is tacked onto one, it'll more than likely involve anorexia (or some other compulsive dietary disorder). The conclusion of story was borderline predictable in that it could have ended either one of two ways- with Sehun's salvation or continued descent (into downfall). But despite the track of the fic, I can't help but applaud you for taking the route you chose...

For one thing, I've never before seen anyone compare the process of vomiting to painting a picture. It was incredibly disturbing and fascinating all at once, and I promise you that I'll never look at puke the same way again. You carved into the story and found beauty beneath the grime of Sehun's situation. I adored how deeply you got into it, how you linked the colorful arrays of wrenched foodstuffs to the clumps of oil paints an artists uses. You beautifully portrayed Sehun's desire for his 'work' and even depicted the fact that he's starting to eat little to nothing as an empty canvas. It was blunt and vile, but the grit was overlayed with this odd sense of artistic wonder that you exhibited so well.

But what I love the most is how you also seemed to tie in the concept (or lack thereof) of 'normalcy'. Sehun continued to torture himself because it was considered normal for his trade. The models around him- such as Jongin (thank you for providing that)- turned a blind eye to it, insinuating that they do it just as much as Sehun does. One line of Jongin's stood out to me in particular:

 "Doesn’t matter how many times you tell a model that he’s perfect, he’ll still cling onto the bowls, painting little tic-tac pills and you’ll think it’s a scene for the Gucci shoots…"

Jesus, this is wonderful... There are icicles practically hanging amid these callous words. It's so brutal and lifeless, but it thoroughly portrays just how long Jongin's done this. These are the words of a soul who can't be redeemed, someone who's been in Sehun's shoes and has gone far too off the edge to look back- even if he wanted to. This was among the many lines in the story that I couldn't help but truly gasp at. You gave the fic this necessary terse nature to it that was only soothed by Luhan's gentle observations- observations that were so very necessary to gauge the severity of Sehun's situation from the eyes of someone who doesn't quite think like him. It was gripping and compeling, and I'll admit that it made my stomach curl quite a few times.

Originality: 

 As I mentioned above, I've seen quite a few EXO fics revolving around the modeling world. Not many focus on the vile, darker side of it... But I have seen a fic that's rather similar, one by a LiveJournal author by the name of Changdictator (the same one who wrote the infamous "Anterograde Tomorrow"). However, you took this fic to a route that I've never seen anyone dare to traverse. You gave the vomiting a touch of beauty- made it a necessity or a noble sacrifice for the price of perfection. The comparison was so spot-on and astounding that I had to take pause quite a few times. The overall concept might not be entirely original, but you did what only true artists could do... You molded it into your own and made it memorable. You made the fic take on many different angles- from beauty to pain to normalcy to hope- and it was completely enrapturing.

Language: 

Your language was brilliant, if not impeccable! If English is not your native tongue, you wrote with the eloquence of someone who's read more than enough to master its usage. The portrayal was phenomenal- down the the delicate structure of Sehun's fingers to the themes they were aiming for in the shoots. I found myself fully immersed because you depicted everything so beautifully. The vomit became real- real enough for me to shrink back as I read this. The characters, themselves, became real and I grew to know and love them so dearly- which is why I was ecstatic that the ending was a happy one. Your description was top-notch and I can guarantee you that many writers could serve to utilize metaphors and allusions as well as you did. I don't recall finding any errors in terms of spelling and grammar that stood out. There will almost always be a typo or two, but none of them were prominent enough to jar me from the flow of this fic.

Writing Style: 

Your writing style was unspeakably enjoyable... All too often, I'm met with stories that are much like plays- basically dialogue with nothing sturdy enough to truly draw me in. But on the same note, I've read stories in which everything is written so passively and it becomes dull. You drew the line for the reader and mapped out where they stood with these characters as they watched the scenes play out from the sidelines. But you also drew the reader in by clipping in bits of present dialogue.

The description utilized in your story was enough to truly capture my attention. You present certain things bluntly (“Thanks, but I’d rather keep my food inside.") while dancing around others with lovely comparisons. I found your writing style to be eloquent and efficient. It held a sort of beauty and uniqueness that will make your fic so hard to forget.

Characterization: 

Your characterization is probably one of my favorite aspects of this piece. This story was thankfully free of Mary or Gary Sues, despite the fact that a certain character sought to attain perfection. It was ironic in a way, just how flawed Sehun is, and you mapped out his flaws precisely. He was beautiful, you made that apparent, but in a frail and broken way. For everything you 'gave' in terms of Sehun, you 'took' all the more. I loved how you switched between POV's because it accentuated the struggle that lay within this fic. From Sehun's standpoint, we could see his desire to continue "painting". It was a weakness within him that had been iced over with indifference. I even love the way you allowed him to grow and change- to evolve at the hands of Luhan's love. At the start of the fic, it seemed that Sehun had no true attachments: "Sehun believes that home is wherever he can paint his work." But as the fic progressed and Luhan truly gave him a reason and a thing to hope for, he began to love and value himself (seen the moment he mutters to Luhan that he misses "home"- their home).

Whenever I'm given a fic in which someone aims to fix someone else, I'm always wary for this 'do-gooder' type. Not that it's unneeded from time to time, but such a benevolent character could easily de-evolve into a Mary Sue. However, Luhan wasn't like that. The focus wasn't on him- rather it was on his relationship with Sehun. We didn't dive too deeply into Luhan's life or affairs, rather we were given the chance to witness the fic from his standpoint. It was a clever way to design this story, seeing as Sehun was so engrossed in his downfall, that it became necessary for the readers to truly see that, yes, this boy is falling hard and fast. His portrayal was far more curious and urgent in some places, and loving in others- it collided beautifully with the stoic tone of Sehun's POV's when it came time for them.

Flow: 

The fic divulged in a flow that was steady and graceful. The changes of POV were a bit sudden at first, but it was also very constant. Like a heartbeat, it ebbed and dipped in a constant fluctuation between Luhan and Sehun, Sehun and Luhan. As I said, I don't disagree with the POV-switching one bit. It made the story so much more understandable and it gave us a view that a passive, third person could not. The scene-changes and overall progression of time, however, were slightly jarring. For instance:

"Three years down the road and Sehun is still an artist and so is Luhan."

This was a moment where the fic sped up a bit too much- as some one-shots do. I figured that there could have been a different way to ease into their progression- a 'prettier' way so as to not suddenly provide a visible fast-forward button. I, personally, would have changed it into the a more passive tone, much like:

>The years tumble forward and Sehun remains an artist alongside Luhan.<

Something similar to that... We don't necessarily have to know the exact number of years, as this is a fic in which precision and calculations stand out a bit awkwardly.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment 

I think it goes without saying that I truly loved this fic. It was, much like the concept, filled with layers. It appeared simple and almost cliched, but once I got down into it, I discovered the labyrinthine themes that overlapped and engulfed these two characters. Normalcy is something that we all tend to battle with- whether it's in our desire to stand out or to truly embrace it. But I loved how your story questioned its overall existence:  

"Normalcy, he believes, is more than just a definition, but the mere thinking mechanism of a singular person; their experience and everything that lies in between. Normalcy is not normal, but rather just a lie that makes people feel inferior. Normalcy is merely an illusion."

Good Lord, that was so deep. If a fic can make me truly question what I know or believe, then it's definitely a memorable one. The fact that this was angst (my favorite genre) was wonderful enough, but you truly dove into my mind with this. It made me so aware, and I couldn't put it down until I finished it this morning (at around 2 a.m.). There's no question that this fic is gold, and I'm pleased to have been given the opportunity to read it.

Bonus 

I wanted to give you kudos for reviving the meaning of one-shots for me! It's hard these days to find a story as short as this one that can engross the reader with such lovely portrayals- one that still manages to get deep into the reader's psyche. This one, in all, made me catch so many feels! You've done what I always dreamt of doing- which is make a short, sweet, to-the-point fic that leaves a lasting impression. As promised, this isn't graded... But I will say that your fic soared with flying colors!

A/N:

I'm new to this cafe and this is my first review, so I'm honored it happened to be over your story! I meant every word I said in this fic. It's a beautful piece that needs so much more recognition. I felt so hard for this fic and the emotions were so raw. I even held my stomach quite a few times as some details in particular became rather 'gruesome'. But that's what you want. This is a fic that aims for discomfort and reality in the midst of beautiful syntax.

This story will be featured as a weekly recommended story!

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