Review for myheartwishes // Reviewed by: AutumnsConcierto

Title and Story link:  

Runes of Despair (Ongoing, reviewed with 16 chapters)

Title: (17/20)

I was very intrigued by the title at first glance. 'Runes' and 'despair' are words that, I figure, more elevated writers tend to use. Boy am I glad my guess was correct. However, I'm not connecting the title with the plotline very well. I understand the use of despair, obviously, all of the characters are going through some terrible things thanks to the stupid Holy Governor. Though, runes? I like the word especially since it feeds a mysterious vibe, but I can't relate it to the story as of now.

Overall Appearance: (2/5)

Ah, the poster. It's a really beautiful poster and well-made, but it lacks some spark to it. First of all, I'm a bit annoyed that the two characters in the poster have shades on... I want to see their faces so their emotions can be conveyed. The poster fails to portray character personalities, and the title on the poster is too small. If you're willing to request a new poster, I suggest one that is mixed with a whole lot more badass/action qualities. :( The poster really doesn't do the story justice in my opinion which is why I'm a bit fired up right now, haha.

I suggest you add a background so it would make the story all the more appealing.

Description and Foreword: (16/20)

I have no problems with the description and foreword personally, they're wonderfully written. But I'm docking off points, for which I will explain as you read further on.

Description- The way you summarized everything engaged me personally as a reader, especially since you layed it out nicely. I like that you separated the sentences so it wouldn't like a jumbo paragraph, delivering simplicity. However, it was a bit confusing to read when I was first scanning over it. Even after reading it thoroughly twice, I still had to reread it the third time in order to truly grasp what was going on. What made it harder was the fact that you use original terms like 'Great Uprising,' 'Holy Governor,' 'Ordinaries,' etc. without providing much explanation as to what each term represented.

Foreword- *melts* The feelz! I prefer the foreword a whole lot more than the description, because you don't really need a whole lot of information in order to figure out what is going on. Keeping the person Eun is talking to ambiguous was a great idea. My interests were piqued because I had an urge to continue reading in order to find out who she was talking to. Also, the dialogue was very thought provoking. It made me personally question why people always seem to choose sides. Why can't people just find the best of both worlds? (Then again that's kinddd of impossible for the most part.)

Plot: (26/30)

I'm addicted to this story, believe it or not. You have noo idea. I read all 16 chapters in one sitting (literally, on my phone while lying in bed). My parents thought I was crazy because I squealed when Mark was stabbed. Plus I kept rolling wriggling around on my bed or doing weird things whenever anything dramatic happened. *coughs* Now, time to be a little more professional. *straightens shirt*

There are so many factors that make me love the story. Sometimes, backstories/flashbacks are overwhelming because they contain so much information you have to swallow in one take. It would be especially hard since you have 10+ character pasts to write about, but you manage to make it work. Yours do not give me such a burdening feeling even though there are so many. I'm not hassled to reread anything because the backstories are written concisely, only containing details that are actually necessary into propelling the story forward. The flashbacks contain just enough information so there are no plotholes. I can only imagine what is to happen in the future and hopefully we'll delve more into the past as well. 

The idea of setting this story in a future not too far away from now was cool, because it gives a possible glimpse as to what the future holds. Although it is exaggerated as a story, there are so many things that happened back in history that give me the chills. Knowing what happened in World War II, numerous genocides, etc., shows me that mankind really is cold-blooded enough to do whatever evil they please. The conflicts are realistic because they seem very relatable to what hungry, prideful leaders have attempted to rule over as many as they can. Then there's Eun, EXO+Mark (yeah I know they aren't called EXO in the story but it's easier than listing all of 'em) playing the roles of the rebels.

However, I would have liked to seen more plot twists in the story. Nothing was very shocking and that makes the story just a tad bit less exciting.

Can I just say, I love the names you used for the blades. Ignis, Ventus, Lumos, Sanctus... it makes everything so fancy although a majority are Latin words. Also, I like how you slowly introduced each of the characters one at a time, giving me as reader an easy time to get to know each character.

I personally don't want to go into detail discussing the theme, because the author and readers don't necessarily always see eye to eye. It's like a reader assuming this is a symbol or they overthink a theme/topic in the story, although the author may have never meant it that way. I'm pretty sure you have included some deeper meanings in this story and I probably didn't catch them all, but that's the beauty of stories in a way. It's up to readers to decide what they think is right or wrong (even if they aren't right). 

By the way, thanks for always including ages/ years. It helps to clear the air.

I. Cannot. Wait. To. Find. Out. What. Happens.

Originality: (18/20)

I personally love stories like yours. Action, romance, and in general it's a small group rising up to overcome the bigger powers. I have to admit, I've read plenty of stories and books with the same general format as you: the government's evil and there's a group that comes together to fight against it, girl is caught in love triangle or other shaped thing, parents used to work for the government, etc. Man I read a book with a similar feeling to yours but that was a long time ago so I don't remember the title. 

Anyways, almost full points for originality. You manage to use those ideas and turn them into yours, like nobody owns or knows about that idea as much as you. I love the creativity with the different medicine usages and again, those blades! *__* Plus, the necklaces. You brought the story originality to it's fullest.

Language: (16/20)

I would have probably given an 18 because you don't have many mistakes per chapter, but there are one too many mistakes considering the fact that you actually edited the story. There are more mistakes than these I list; however, don't push yourself to find them. If you already spent a lot of time and energy into editing them, don't stress over the minor mistakes. 

Chapter 2:

(Original) He roared, pulling your collar up harshly as you hung like a rag door...

(Correction) He roared, pulling your collar up harshly as you hung like a rag doll...

(Original) The punishment cell was the worse...

(Correction) The punishment cell was the worst...

(Original) They wanted to train subordination; to make sure you all learnt to not fight back.

(Correction) They wanted to train subordination; to make sure you all learned to not fight back.

(Original) But no matter how many times they beat you up, you never let your mind weaken, you won't let them destroy you no matter how tough it was, because you knew there was hope somewhere.

(Correction) But no matter how many times they beat you up, you never let your mind weaken, you wouldn't let them destroy you no matter how tough it was. You knew there was hope somewhere.

Chapter 3

(Original) There were sparse vegetation that bloomed into flowers in the spring, but right now, the trees were bare and bleak.

(Correction) There was sparse vegetation...

(Original) The moment children like your self were captured and thrown into this camp...

(Correction) The moment children like yourself were captured and thrown into this camp...

(Original) He hit specific part of the body, aiming to disarm and immobilize their bodies...

(Correction) He hit specific parts of the body...

Chapter 5:

(Original) I replied nonchalantly in the same language, causing the elder boy ro shrug repeatedly...

(Correction) I replied nocnchalantly in the same language, causing the elder boy to shrug...

(Original) "Does your father and oppa know you're here?"

(Correction) "Do your father and hyung know you're here?" 

(Original) "We aren't criminals?... We are just children, what kind of threat could be pose to the Holy Government?"

(Correction) "We aren't criminals?... We are just children, what kind of threat could we pose..."

Writing Style: (17/20)

First of all, I normally dislike stories written in second person. A lot. I know some authors use second person in order to place the reader into the character's shoes, but that doesn't help me connect with the character more than I would if the story were written in first or third. Why? Because the characters are normally stupid an illogical, and they think in a different manner than me. With this story, I don't get annoyed with Eun's choices and thoughts, I actually understand her probably because I have similar personalities. We're both strong, but on the inside we still need to be protected. We appear and attempt to be brave, but we're freaking out in our heads (like when she was faced with her near-death situation in chapter 13). This is probably one of the reasons I'm loving the story so far, the characters are so down to earth and realistic given their situations. Although it's a different time period and setting, I'm still able to build bridges to connect with them. The only bad thing I can point out is that not everyone is me or the next person that enjoys the story. It's possible they see Eun as the dumb girl I affiliate with second person fanfics? But, they're not me, and they're not grading the story. Ha.

Your style isn't completely without error though. Your sentences tend to be too lengthy at times. There are so many points where you should end a sentence, but you drag it on with comma after comma after comma. It disrupts the sentence fluency.

Characterization: (30/30)

Hurray, none of your characters are unrealistic or flat! ^^

Park Eunkyung- This girl is an awesome female character. She has her strong points, as she is selfless, kind to literally everyone, and motherly, but she hides her burdens. Eun appears strong at vital moments even if her mind is trembling in fear, and she is weak. She's a female, so her strength and body size limit her from doing certain tasks, yet she could give a poop about that fact. Very realistic and a 3D character. I'm interested in her character growth, when she questions the sides between the Holy Government and the Organization.

Mark- Ooh, is he a feisty little character. I love the fact that he's a bit playful, but when it comes to business, he's dead serious. Once he has a goal or purpose, he strives to achieve it. Possible love interest for Eun?

Luhan- Aw, he gives off such a sweet impression in the story. He protects those around him to the best of his abilities, and is extremely mature. All of them are mature for their ages in fact. They were forced to lose their innocence early in order to survive in the world. Possible love interest for Eun?

Jongin- I almost forgot this boy was a child. At some points, I forget that he's one of the youngest but then I'm reminded of that fact when he has his little kid moments. Like that point where he openly said he hated Eunkyung and threw a fit, it was heart-warmingly realistic.

Kris- He's only been in the last 2 or 3 chapters, a number around that, so I can't say a whole lot about him. However, he was always mentioned by Eunkyung in previous chapters before his apperance, so I'm curious as to what the future holds. Possible love interest for Eun? 

Flow: (28/30)

The pace of the story is perfect. It doesn't feel like it's going by quickly, but it's not draggy and slow either. As mentioned in writing style, your sentence fluency needs to improve though. You explain your original terms thoroughly and add any other notable information into your A/Ns. 

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (5/5)

How could I not give this full points if I read it all in one sitting, in bed, overreacting to anything dramatic that happened?

Bonus (+5)

Final Score/ Total (180/200) = 90%

A/N:

I attempted to be as detailed as I possibly could, so hopefully you got the details you were looking for! This is probably the longest review I've ever written. I literally rambled on and on and on. Feel free to message me or anything if you got confused with any of my comments. ^^

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