Review for sweetfrappe // Reviewed by: iloveyounot22

Title and Story link:  

A Love from A Blink of Time (Ongoing, reviewed with 12 chapters)

Title: (18/20)

Even without reading the plot, I can easily understand what the story is about. The title is already perfect. No flaws at all. You really think thoroughly about your titles. The title gives the reades a clue about what it is. It's also very unique. The more I think about it though, it also does attract the attention of the readers. Although I'll read more chapters to see how much it connects to the story.The title gave off that fantasy and supernatural feel which is good. The title was also very memorable.

Overall Appearance: (3/5)

I really like the overall appearnce of this story! The poster is really pretty! Especially the backround. I love how the poster is simple yet complex at the same time. It also has a big relation to the story. The backround is very cute and it has relations with the story. The font of the poster is a bit blurry and hard to read. The layout lacks a few things. It's organization is really messy so I advice yu to organize it a little more. The paragraphing though is good. The description and foreword needs more spaces. All in all it's good but needs more editing though I really liked the trailer!

Description and Foreword: (14/20)

I am very disappointed!

Though I like the description, from a readers' point of view, it lacks. It needs more mystery to it. Write something eye-catching! Something more alluring! Something that says, 'I'm an interesting description, come read me'. They should hint more clues and provide more information. 

I see a few flaws here and there also. I also read a few sentences that makes me question your theories.

Your theory:

What if time travelling was really possible, but for only one person in the whole universe?

My opposing theory:

Yes, that person can time travel but how can he be the ONLY person in the universe to be able to time travel? Because maybe there was another person who can time travel?

(I know I shouldn't worry too much about it but I am in love with science. Sorry.)

The description also lacks a lot of information. It's also very boring and dull. I mean if you're creative enough to write a fantasy story, then why can't you make a creative and original description? Is that too hard too write?

Plot: (27/30)

The introduction of the story- which is also known as it's prologue- is fresh and new. It's something different. Something that has been done but still isn't too stereotypical. At first, I was getting bored because it has nothing interesting but when I got to chapter 1, it started getting interesting.The way the romance built up is too fast but with the way you described their feelings, it seems there's a reason why it's like that. The thickening of it's problems looked thoroughly thought out.The romance here is like coffee. Bitter-sweet. The way you express their feeling and emotions are amazing. The story itself isn't entirely revolving too much on Kai and Haeyoung, you also focus on Yi Fan/Kris, and a few minor characters- which is good.

I love the slight plot twist on chapter eight. The tension was aggravating. It made me want to jump for joy but when Krystal showed up, ugh, I love Krystal and all but the way you made her annoying and clingy made her completely unbearable! The story is completely and utterly unbelievable! But it is fantasy so it's okay. 

The more I read the story, the more I want to find out what happens. Your creativity and plot twists are in very perfect timing because sometimes, some authors rush the plot twists so yeah...

Their stories become hard to cope with or hard to understand thus leaving the readers tired of reading it's confusing and annoying plot tists so it's an acheivement to be able to time the plot twists perfectly. 

Though the plot twists are original, it still very unique and interesting in a way...

I found this particular quote very humorous.

'Either he’s going to die from his stupidness, or be killed because of his intelligence.'

Originality: (15/20)

Though the plot is unique, the plot twists aren't. The plot is new and refreshing. Some remarks and scenes are very memorable- which is again, unique and memorable. Although I have seen.. thousands of fics like this, you took this fic to a route that I've never seen before. In each point of view, I seem to notice the little details that make them unique and different. You seem to know what you're doing so keep writing. And next time, try and do something more original.

Language: (17/20)

Your grammar is very good though there are some flaws. I have read exactly twelve chapters because twelve chapters is enough to understand where this is going. In those twelve chapter though, I would like to point our some spelling/grammar mistakes to help you out a bit.

Misspellings:

 (Misspelling) Haeyoung sat down on a chair beside the table. “It’s called a pancake. It’s a little plain, but I added some cheese and butter to give it some flavor. Take a sit, Kai.”

(Correction) Haeyoung sat down on a chair beside the table. “It’s called a pancake. It’s a little plain, but I added some cheese and butter to give it some flavor. Take a seat, Kai.”

(Misspelling) Haeyoung and Kris (or Wu Fan, or whatever), appeared in the dining room where I was eating and they both sat down, with Haeyoung beside me, and Kris in front of me. The man kept an eye on me as I continued eating my breakfast, and I payed him no attention at all. “Kris, you want to eat?” Haeyoung asked.

(Correction) Haeyoung and Kris (or Wu Fan, or whatever), appeared in the dining room where I was eating and they both sat down, with Haeyoung beside me, and Kris in front of me. The man kept an eye on me as I continued eating my breakfast, and I paid him no attention at all. “Kris, you want to eat?” Haeyoung asked.

(Misspelling) “Goodnhight.” She whispered, and that’s when I closed my eyes to sleep. Although, a few seconds later, I shifted uncomfortably on the floor because of the cold night air.

(Correction) “Goodnight.” She whispered, and that’s when I closed my eyes to sleep. Although, a few seconds later, I shifted uncomfortably on the floor because of the cold night air.

(Misspelling) I groaned loudly, “You’re such a childish grampa! Fine, then!” I said and then banged on his door once before crouching down on the floor. A few seconds later, the door opened and I saw Wu Fan peek. I put my elbows on my knees, “Oh, and I thought Wu Fan was out, Kevin?”

(Correction) I groaned loudly, “You’re such a childish grandpa! Fine, then!” I said and then banged on his door once before crouching down on the floor. A few seconds later, the door opened and I saw Wu Fan peek. I put my elbows on my knees, “Oh, and I thought Wu Fan was out, Kevin?”

That's all of the misspellings in the first twelve chapters! You only had four corrections which is a good sign. You are a very impeccable in writing! But there is one minor confusion:

'Haeyoung and Kris (or Wu Fan, or whatever), appeared in the dining room where I was eating and they both sat down, with Haeyoung beside me, and Kris in front of me. The man kept an eye on me as I continued eating my breakfast, and I payed him no attention at all. “Kris, you want to eat?” Haeyoung asked.'

Isn’t Kris called YiFan by Haeyoung? And if she said that, wouldn't Yi Fan/Kris notice it? So why did Haeyoung call him ‘Kris’?

Writing Style: (19/20)

Your vocabulary range is impressive and the way you describe scenes is good but you have to desribe the place that they're in more thoroughly. But your writing style is very.. enjoyable and unique somehow. You have one problem though: The way you describe lacks a lot. The inner thoughts are so-so but needs more deep thoughts. Emotions are usually the hardest part in writing. And the way you portray the emotions are impressive but also again, lacks something. You need to describe more out of the box words to keep it engaging and interesting.

Characterization: (27/30)

The characters attitude and personality are very believable. It's also one of my favorite aspects of this piece. Kris' jealousy. Kai's innocent and hilarious attitude towards the modern gadgets. Though Haeyoung is probably the characters here with the least attitude. She's very under-exaggerated. Characters have to have that sort of spunk in them that makes the readers either hate her so deeply that they continue to read the book to find out what happens to her (which they normally hope she dies) or they fall in love with her with each and every chapter.

So please, I suggest you give Haeyoung a personaliy that makes the best first impressions.

Though all in all, the characters are pretty fun.

Flow: (29/30)

The flow is non-choppy and flows from one scene to another without any confusion. Though the grammar isn't very great, it was good. The pace and speed, to be very honest, was just nice and ideal, it wasn't too fast or too slow and I think it's great how you spend a lot of time giving a lot of details but I think you can improve. Right?

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I am a er for Exo fantasy stories so this story is very entertaining for readers like me to enjoy! Even though I only read exactly twelve chapters, I fell in love with the plot. I can't believe I only read twelve chapters and it's already affecting my 'feels'! So good job!

Bonus (+6)

I don't want to show favoritism so I'm not going to give you a perfect score because it just seems unfair since there are better authors out there, no offence. But all in all, I really like your story and I hopee you keep writing as an author!

Final Score/ Total (181/200) = 90.5%

A/N:

I like your story so I do hope you keep writing to improve it! And best of luck!

A/N: (FROM PILSUK123)

Hello, I'm so terribly for the overdue and late review! The shop went through a hard time and closed and opened again so I hope you can understand! Thank you so much for your support and patience ^^

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