Review for BellaOh // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

I Just Did (Completed one-shot)

Title: (15/20)

The title might not be original or attention grabbing or unique but it's actually a good title for the story. It fits perfectly and it's easy and memorable to remember. Once reading the d/f of the story or after reading the story, it feels like the ideal title for the story. You also emphasized a lot on 'I Just Did' in both the story (esp. the ending) and the description, it makes a strong connection with the plot for the readers.

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I thought that the background picture was really pretty and the poster used was acceptable but I thought that it might mislead readers about the characters in the poster. Granted that the poster was suitable as in Krystal and Sehun was wearing uniforms in school  just like the story, the use of Krystal picture might mislead readers to visualize Geaul who is the story's original character as Krystal. While the story goes, I thought you'll describe Gaeul who resembles Krystal but I realized that they're two different characters.

Description and Foreword: (17/20)

The description and foreword was short, simple and looks sophisticated. I like how you didn't' decide to add a character charter or introduction because it wasn't necessary. The catch line or the story's phrase really starts growing on me when I read the description a few times. 'I Just Did' was stuck in the head for a while then because I liked how it was written in the description part about how when you liked someone you just do because I believe in that as well. 

Plot: (20/30)

The plot of the story was extremely sweet and romantic but I feel that it lacks a powerful side plot or complications or conflict in the plot. The story goes on a pretty flat line with nothing impactful happening the story and I was hoping for a powerful twist or conflict in the story but it's just pretty much about high school romance. I liked how you tried to have the conflict as Gaeul liking Sehun back but was afraid of it because of her ex. I thought the idea about her being scarred by her previous lover was pretty interesting and I was hoping for you to do into a more detail description but it was kept really short. Also, the ending was pretty predictable as well. Admittedly it's just a short one-shot, a completed story regardless whether if it's a one-shot or chaptered, should have more layer into the story to make it more impactful. To shorten things, I feel that a little bit of dramatization would be good in this story to add more impact into it. But either way, since you aiming for a sweet and romantic story in the first place, it isn't a huge problem.

Originality: (14/20)

I wouldn't actually say it's an original story idea or plot because as you mentioned in the foreword that it's something you're inspired at but the way you had written the story made it original. For example, the way you describe Gaeul feelings (more in writing style below).

Language: (20/20)

There was absolutely no mistake in terms of language and grammar in the story for me. Although, there's a few times the sentence would be better structured in the certain way, I wouldn't call them mistake because it's more about how you read something as a reader in terms of personal preference.

Writing Style: (20/20)

I absolutely love your writing style and I think I know why Rose was featured and recommended by Caffine_Kiss because I love how you wrote or interpret or using metaphor in the story. The most memorable one was about the feeling Gaeul felt when she kissed Sehun. About cherry blossom, about watermelon and all. The description was uncommon but it makes perfect sense and suit that certain moment in the story. They're short and sweet as well.

Characterization: (22/30)

Just by scrolling on the whole story to know the length of the story, I thought the characterization and flow of the story would be completely off because based on the length of the one-shot, it's considered to be a really short and fast one-shot. However, I was wrong. You managed to not only do a good job in putting details about Sehun and Gaeul but you also introduced and describe a fare bit of side characters such as Chanyeol, Jongin, Jinhae and more. It makes the story more real because it doesn't only revolved around the main characters and I think you did a good job of all the characters. I would just recommend to go in-depth with the main characters if you want it to be better. You can start a few scenes before your current one about Gaeul or Sehun to describe them more about their feelings or past etc.

Flow: (26/30)

The flow of the story was done fantasically because you skipped a lot of parts like you just cut off from a certain scene and start over with a new one but it doesn't bring confusion at all. That could only mean you did a great job in cutting and contining from a certain scene. However, it's not really good if you keep cutting scene off suddenly without fully covering that scene. For instance, I thought the part where Gaeul went out with Sehun and his family was a huge deal and I can't wait to read into details about what happens and suddenly during the highlight of that scene, it was suddenly being cut and more forward to a new scene. Try not to cut or try to save words for hightlight or big/huge event that's happening the story and you should be good to go!

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (5/5)

I loved the story! I thought it was really short, sweet and after reading it, I realized that I'm smiling the whole way through the story. I agree that it really made my heart melt and I have a lot of 'aw' moments in the story. I liked how it ended too! It was an enjoyable read for sure.

Bonus (+2)

Final Score/ Total (165/200) = 82.5%

A/N:

In your additional comment, you wanted me to write about how I feel about the story and that you wanted feedback since it's your first one-shot but all I say say that one-shot are a lot harder to nail than chaptered story. The reasons being that they're limited to one chapter yet there's so many to add and write about and secondly it's never easy to make a reader like a story of one chapter unless you have the power to do so. What I mean is that it's not easy to squeeze a whole and completed story into a one-shot so be concise on certain parts and emphasize on others etc. I think you did a great job despite it being your first time so continuing improving and do well! Fighting!! I hope you managed to find the review somehow helpful!

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