Review for MaeilYogurt // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Her Beautiful Tails (Ongoing, reviewed with 6 chapters)

Title: (15/20)

At first I read the title as 'Her Beautiful Trails' instead of tails! Either way I thought trails was also good for tht title, but it's hard to judge right now between the connection of the title with the story since you've only started building the story. However, overall, it's a simple, original and I believe later would link well with the story as it further develops. I'm liking the title so far, it's growing on me with a mysterious vibe of it.

Overall Appearance: (2/5)

The font size used was a bit too small for me when reading it through the laptop that I enlarged it a few times to be able to read it comfortably. I would recommend to increase the size of the wordings slightly. Also, the poster could be better made through a poster shop even though I liked it. It would be better to have author's name, oc/ main characters in the poster.  

Description and Foreword: (15/20)

The d/f was a bit messy in my opinion and was also slightly confusing. I had to read a few times to get the description content. However, I do like what you choose to write for the d/f and instead of putting an except of the story. It was mysterious and it interests me after reading the d/f. Here are a few recommended way to clarify the d/f better and clearer:

Description:

After her older brother suddenly vanishies out of thin air, Cha Eunbi is left desperate and guilty. After three solid years, she leaves home to find him. Her destination becoming the city known as Ruins, a city built on drugs, violence, and . 

(Cha Eunbi was left desperately alone and guilty after the disappearance of her older brother. After three solid years, she finally decides to leave home and head to the abandoned city -The Ruins, in hope of finally find him and reunite. Her destination -The Ruins, is a city built on drugs, violence, and will not be easy.)

>I wouldn't say my version is better or perfect but you can read it clearly and understand it without much analyzing. The sentence structure in the d/f needs to be edited. And it's suppose to be 'Vanishes' instead of 'Vanishies' ,it's a small typo there.

Plot: (20/30)

I loved it! The whole idea of 'The Ruins' was mind-blowing, I loved it,  but the start to the story was slightly on the shaky side. I like how you don't rush to the main plot right away although I'm already dying for the next chapter (which is why I'm subscribed to it!) but how you rushed towards the disappearance of Haekyeon without much developing it bothered me slightly. If you would to have a few chapters before the first chapter about the relationship of Eunbi and Haekyeon would be brilliant. That way when he really vanishes, the readers would feel emotional about it as well because there was the background plot where we get to understand the characters more. Also, the part about why the mother favors Haekyeon more wasn't really clear or obvious. The building of plot was great, I liked how you moved from her being unable to take it anymore and wishes to see his brother again to her journey into The Ruins and bumping into indecent people. I seriously can't wait for the story to further develops as I believe you're ready to get it going with the part and with the other characters in the story such as Ravi being all creepy about her. I'm getting sort of a rush writing the review for the 'Plot' part because there's so many things I want to mention but it's all in my head so please do question me if you don't understand or wish to ask about something else related to the plot!

To summed it all, I like how the story is going right now and it's only the beginning of the story. I can only expect bigger and better things and plot in the future!

Originality: (16/20)

The Ruins was the most original part for me. The idea of a abandoned city across the bridge was horrifying to imagine but fun to read. You described it really well as well about the body guards, the bus and everything. I can visualize all of it. The whole plot was actually really refreshing and original to read, it's fantasy and it has and all the exciting themes in it! Can't wait to read and find out more about it!

Language: (12/20)

I have to say that the 'language' part is definitely the weakest part of the story and in the review. I believe it's partially because you don't proofread your chapters before you upload them because there are mistakes, typos and wrong sentence structures. In every paragraph, there's one of those that kind of destroys the mood of the story as I enjoy it. I think getting a beta-reader or beta editor would be a great help to you because they can help you with those and you can focus on your story plot more! Here I would use a selected paragraph from chapter one to let you see the difference:

-Often times in my life I have felt much like a dog. As a dog would spend the day waiting anxiously for its owner to come home, having no concept of time, I would wait just the same for my mother to take notice of me and love me just like she did with my older brother, Hakyeon. But, unlike the dog who was often times greeted enthusiastically by his owner, I was always neglected and left to sit in a corner while Hakyeon was being treated like a god by my mother.

Writing Style: (15/20)

I'm in love with your writing style. It's direct but you never forget to describe the city or the current situation! I can visualize everything that you had written and you don't go round and round with your sentences but write directly. It makes everything simple and easy to read! Your writing style is one that I would call addictive because readers would eventually get hooked by good story plot but will only stay for good characterizations or good writing style. It's also not too draggy or fast, it's a nice writing style. However, it could have been better if you can write in more detailed and spread out the paragraph instead of rushing to end the chapter.

Characterization: (23/30)

The characters are actually unfamiliar with me because I'm still kind of new to Vixx and I do know all of their stage name so it gets confusing because you uses their real name. However, you delivered the characters so well that I was actually enjoying a story as all of the characters as oc, just like Eunbi. First of all, let's start with Eunbi. I dislike her character because she was portrayed as a whiny, ununderstanding, childish and most importantly too innocent for my liking. The clues are so strong and obvious with Woonsik and the other stripper girl and even though she have her doubts, she just push them away and think all of them as kind people. I kind of wish there'll be more dimension to her characters in the future and following chapters. Also,the idea about Eunbi hating on Haekhyeon was a bit mundane, I wish you could have mentioned why the mother favors Haekyeon more and maybe this way the readers can understand her hatred towards her own brother without finding it childish. For instance, she's not the biological daughter or something dramatic and understandable. Something to make me understand Eunbi more and not pull out my hair because I'm so worried for her. Haekyeong and Eunbi characters are still weak at the moment because you only started with the story and there isn't much I can write about. However, the characters that are slowly appearing are indeed extremely interesting and worth the praise. I liked the girl and Ken and Ravi's characters in the story. They suit the roles and give readers new character to support or talk about. 

Flow: (22/30)

The flow of the story is not too slow but it's definitely a bit fast paced. You've started the whole story within 2 chapters and how I wished you have gone in depth in the beginning first of Eunbi's usual life, Haekyeon's character and more of their family before everything changes. I can only hope that there will be small flashbacks in the future chapters to help me understand everything better. 

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (3/5)

I'm absolutely in love with the story! It's not really the type of stories I would read but I actually really like this one. To be honest, I'm addicted! When will you update? Would love to read more and can't wait for intense chapters to be uploaded! Definitely will recommend the story! And also I thank you for using Vixx as the characters in the story!

Bonus (+4)

Final Score/ Total (147/200) = 73.5%

A/N:

This is my first review of a vixx story so I hope it's alright! I'm really excited for you to update the story! Love everything so far! Best wishes and good luck! *^^* 

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