Review for serendipity-- // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

A Piece of Me for You to Keep (Completed, one-shot)

Title: (14/20)

I actually thought that your chapter title (sir dandelion, full bloom) here is somehow a much better choice than the story's title. The reason was because there's a whole more obvious and deeper connection of dandelions than to it being about a piece of me for you to keep. I thought the later idea of describing Kyungsoo as a dandelion was pure genius because it doesn't feel forced or any of that sort. Kyungsoo fitted the idea of a dandelion so perfectly and how Jongin expressed and compared both of them together nearly brought me to tears. It was so beautiful. The story title here is a bit too long for my preference in an ideal title but it does have its own charm. It's simply and has the angst feel to it.

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

Simplicity at its best. Everything was organized and done in a simple but classy way. I always liked the way you design your d/f part with it's own info box about the pairings, length and ratings etc. I love the layout for the chapter as well, it was comfortable reading and love it was it's formatted. The italizing of the past memories and how the story is break up evenly.

Description and Foreword: (14/20)

I think out of everything that I planned to write in this review, there isn't much else for me to point out (which might be disappointing to you) either than the fact that the story's description was disappointing. The story is so wonderful and there's so many great things you could have written for the description instead and so the description isn't quite up to my liking. It doesn't draw readers in and it isn't half as good as the story really is. I really liked the idea of vague and artistic description, just like this one, but I figured a different description would've attract more readers. Something related to about Kyungsoo and his idol life, or kyungsoo and their flavored drinks, or that line that I really love about Jongin literally running into his(kyungsoo) life or about those beautiful comparison of Kyungsoo with dandelions... any of it would add a better idea for potential readers especially the story jumps right away into the present instead of it being in chronically order. 

The rest are alright and as mentioned, I really like the that cute personal info box and that playlist is so amazing! And I'm not going to lie, I think the realtimeboard was really cool too!

Plot: (26/30)

Where should I start... At first, I didn't quite like the idea of where this story was heading towards. A plain angst story of Jonin leaving Kyungsoo and the idol Kyungsoo ends up a horrible tragedy but I'm glad that you added a lot more into the story. I actually don't find the reason of Jongin leaving or the reasons behind why they didn't meet for so long convincing at all. If either of them really like each other and attracted to each other, I don't see why it took Jongin so long to finally write letters or Kyungsoo didn't find any effort into looking for his first and only missing friend. 

Moving on, I find the state of Kyungsoo in a accident because of a crazy fan rather fascinating. I like how the accident isn't your normal ones but about a fan so delusional and deeply in love with the idol (like everyone of us are) to actually want to die together with them rather poetic? I think it's a huge wake up call to a lot of crazy fans out there or fans in general. It's scary what the fans do these days due to their obsession that result in hurting their idol in return. In this case, it isn't just hurting but you're ruining your idol's life instead. 

Talking about idol's life, I liked how the topic was casually written in here. About Kyungsoo that lost his motivation to sing and perform because it became such a routine to him and how he have to lie when he hated it. 

The ending of the story was just pure magic. I was having goosebump and reading with wide eyes. I can't be more moved than what those fans did. I don't know if I've liked a idol so much to accept everything (kyungsoo) and about his confessions (Jongin) and exposing his lies (parents) but if they do, they're true fans. It's even more interesting to read about how the story was always saying about how Kyungsoo finds his life almost a routine and unbearable but at the end of the story, how the fans are still there for him despite everything that Kyungsoo just confesses to . It was really moving and tear jerking part of the story and you couldn't have ended it off in another better way than this!

Also, I think I've mentioned this again and again but I'm still going to point it out again about how creative and perfection the relation to dandelions to kyungsoo in the story. I've seen a lot of such description about this but it never clicked as well and as perfectly as this one. It just makes so much sense as though the story would just falls apart without the scene about Jongin describing about dandelions to Kyungsoo. Everything just fitted so perfectly well that I can never see dandelions without thinking of this story or at least without thinking of those words of what Jongin said. It's so true and so encouraging.

The wind flutters silently by and just like it always does, sweeps a few seeds in its arms and flies away.

 

“Your heart, Kyungsoo, it’s too nice. You’re afraid just like I was. But you don’t have to be. You can’t be afraid of the wind, hyung. You can’t fear change. Just because you’ve grayed away, just because you’ve lost a few seeds doesn’t mean you’re dying. Somewhere out there, somewhere you may not even know, a new flower is blooming thanks to you. Just because the dandelion is dead doesn’t mean it’s not a dandelion anymore, right? You’re Kyungsoo minus a leg and Kyungsoo minus the lies but you’re still Kyungsoo. And like this dandelion here, you can’t be afraid to let yourself go.”

Originality: (18/20)

The plot might not be theee most original plot idea but I've got to say that how you write the story made it original and your own. It's so original that I think if another writer would to copy your story plot, it would never be as good as how original and beautiful as yours. Some of the orignal ideas that I admire are the one about Jongin ''sickness'', how you had written this story kind of in the rural place in korea instead of in a bustling city and also how you slowly tease and reveal kyungsoo's story because the story kinds of jump from past to present to past and present again. 

Language: (20/20)

I was too lost in admiring those quotes in your story that I kind of sway away from searching for mistakes or typo so I apologize here but there really was barely any that I was able to spot even though I read the story twice.

He’s lost a lot of reason in his life, one of them being his reason to sing.

(He had lost a lot of reasons in his life, one of them being his reason to sing.)

Writing Style: (20/20)

There's no way to write this without sounding a like crazy fan of yours but your writing style is so breathtaking. The reason why I read it twice was because I couldn't digest your words and quotes and sentences in one go. I almost had to stop reading every paragraph to re-read it again because it have such a beautifully written phrase in it. If I would to list all, I would rather copy and paste the whole story here but below are the few that I exceptionally remember and love. Also, your wide range of vocab and descriptive writing help make your writing style even more real and imaginative. The emotions of the characters in such a concise and detailed manner, I can't love/enjoy your writing style more. 

The younger makes him want things that he can’t have, and that’s why he’s so dangerous.

It’s strange how with just a few words, Jongin has the ability to rewind a whole chunk of Kyungsoo’s life film that he’s out and then set it back again where his heart had used to beat loudly.

And so, hot summer day of age fourteen, Kim Jongin literally enters his life.

Perhaps, though, it’s more like a perfectly landed shooting star.

Characterization: (25/30)

I have to say that Kyungsoo character was pretty much too kind for my liking and although what he said in the funeral was damn moving for me, it's quite angering to know what he really said because of how kind he is. I mean, even the kindest person might have feel anger or at least feel angry of it once in a while because you lost a leg because of a rather useless manager and a crazy fan but at the end I kind agree with some parts of what Kyungsoo said in her grave and that scene was literally so depressing and agnst-y. Jongin character here stood out more and had a more 3-d dimentional feel to it more than Kyungsoo even though it's from his point of view.

Flow: (26/30)

The flow of the story was rather hard to be immersed in because you did change a lot from present - past - memories - past - present etc and even though it wasn't really confusing, it does make it hard for me to get completely absorbed in it. Just as something is about to happen, it changes the time frame and leave readers to cliffhangers. The pace and speed was just nice and ideal, it wasn't too fast or too slow and I think it's great how you spend a lot of time giving a lot of details or past memories of them together. 

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I loved the story! I'm a huger er for angst and romance story so this story is definitely for readers like me to enjoy! The ending really does make a difference in my thinking right now, I think can't fully digest all of it and how the story is just a simply one-shot and yet it affected me this much 3

Bonus (+8)

Recently, I've been appreciating more stories on the true life and problems an idol face and I think you hightlighted that well in this story for some reflection, I thought it's a great time to do so since all the recent things that have been going on in the k-pop world. Also, it's extremely encouraging to read this story because it gives me strength to not give up and have faith in humanity. 

Final Score/ Total (180/200) = 90%

A/N:

I'm sorry that I kind of failed in this review. I wouldn't really call this a review because I've come to love this story but I tried putting in some comments about what it could be improved on since you requested for it! I hope I did okay here but it will not change my view that I think it's a great story and you have an amazing sense of writing style! So have faith and confident! And lastly, good luck in the contest <3

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