Review for scarlet_red // Reviewed by: LexoSHINee

Title and Story link:  

UNBREAKABLE CURSE (Ongoing, reviewed with 9 chapters)

Title: (16/20)

When I first saw the title, I was like 'this looks pretty good'. It definitely caught my attention and the only problem I had with it was it being completely capitalized. But after reading the story, I'm not sure UNREAKBLE CURSE would be suitable since basically only the first chapter focused on the curse. I think the title would be better if this fic was a one shot because the curse was in fact unbreakable and we know what happened because of it. But since the time frames changed and it's not only about the 'past times', it's not really focused on the curse anymore but what's happening to them now (present time). I like how you made the title fairly simple, getting right to the point in regards of the curse instead of making it such a mystery that it doesn't make sense with the story at all.

Overall Appearance: (3/5)

I liked the layout and the poster. The layout was very pretty, but the colors didn't go along with the poster at all. I didn't like how everything that should've been in the description was in the foreword. It made me confused because I wasn't sure what the story was actually going to be about. So I would suggest putting what's in the foreword in the description that way people can know what the story's about right away. Also, I noticed the poster was in the foreword too which I found quite odd. My advice would be to make the poster the main image just to give it a better look. 

Description and Foreword: (17/20)

Again, the description and foreword was slightly confusing but when I read what the story was supposed to be about, it made me curious and interested in what would happen next. I like how you made the connection with the title in the last line of the description: "A curse that cannot be broken". It was very neat and something that really drew me in. 

But, there were something things I'd like to point out. You overused the words 'the prince'. It kind of took the feel out of everything since there wasn't anything new being said. 

Original: Let me tell you a tale of the most handsome prince in Kingdom EXO...maknae Prince Sehun. A special ceremony is being held today in honor of the young prince. To celebrate his 20th birthday, the most beautiful princesses were invited to meet the prince. Among these ladies, the prince is to choose the lucky one who will be his bride; just as his eleven other brothers have done so.

Correction: Let me tell you the tale of the most handsome man in Kingdom EXO... maknae Prince Sehun. A special ceremony is being held today in the honor of his 20th birthday where the most beautiful princesses are invited to meet the young prince. Among these ladies, he is to choose the lucky one who will become his bride; just as his eleven brothers have previously done.

>This makes it flow a little better and I'm not always referring to Sehun as 'the prince'. Do you see the difference?

Plot: (25/30)

I think this fic was supposed to be a one shot (?) originally because of the way it ended but I guess you decided to continue it? I'm not sure but the plot is definitely something I've never seen before. I liked how (I'm talking about the first chapter) you didn't make it a happy ending with the curse breaking and they live happily ever after. It seemed kind of realistic (minus the magic). But at the end when you fast foreword into 'present time', I didn't understand that because I thought the whole fic would take place in 'past time' (I don't really know how to word it).

I like how you did the whole present time thing though just to show that Sehun and Jihyun were still connected somehow and that their story isn't over. I also like how you're not making Jihyun so unrealistic. For example, when the manager asked her to do the publicity stunt, she was hesitant to do it and kind of reacted in a realistic manner. It makes the characters more believable which is something I really love to see in fics.

Originality: (19/20)

This fic was particularly memorable for me because I've never read anything like it. It's refreshing to read something new when all I read are the same types of things (genres, pairings, etc.). I like how Sehun and Jihyun had flashbacks of their past lives so we can get a little more insight of how they developed feelings for each other back then and how their relationship was. There was not as many of plot twist as there could've been but the publicity stunt and Jihyun already having a crush was definitely an 'OMG really?' moment for me. I wasn't expecting it. I also like how you have your readers engage in the fic by asking them for ideas. It makes them feel like they're more apart of it (or at least I would) and it's something I haven't seen in a while.

Language: (15/20)

There were many overused words in this fic. Going back and editing and reading over everything to see if it makes sense would be the best thing for you to do. There's a couple errors I'd like to point out.

Chapter 1

Original: Just then, my father and mother, the King and Queen arrived. It was time to welcome the guests that have just arrived at EXO Kingdom.

Correction: Just then, the King and Queen—my father and mother—arrived. It was now time to greet the guests that have arrived at EXO Kingdom.

>The sentence didn't make much sense and I had to reread over a couple times to understand what you were trying to say. 

Chapter 1

Original: Then you directed my eyes back to your bestfriend.  

Correction: Then you directed your eyes back to your best friend.

>There was a typo in the sentence that you had to fix. When I read it the first time, I thought that was what you meant and it didn't make any sense. Also, best friend are two separate words so I spaced them out. This word showed up many times throughout the story and I thought maybe you should fix that. 

Chapter 1

Original: How is it that she thought everything around her was beautiful but never once thought of herself as beautiful?

Correction: How is it that she thought everything around her was beautiful but never once thought that of herself?

>This one I thought the word beautiful was being overused. Even though it's only said twice, it doesn't fit right in this particular sentence hence the reason why I decided to switch the words around some to make it flow better.

Chapter 1

Original: "That's why I never address you that way YOUR HIGHNESS coz you always mock me!"

Correction: "That's why I never address you that why your highness (in regular text it would be italicized) cause you always mock me!"

>You don't have to capitalize words that your trying to emphasize. Just put it in italics because it looks a lot better. Also, 'coz' isn't a word. 

Chapter 3

Original: "Because you're my bestfriend and I trust you...

So you'll know where to find me when I'm not in the palace...

So we can have our own place, just the two of us..."

Correction: "Because you're my best friend and I trust you. You'll know where to find me when I'm not in the palace and we can have our own place, just the two of us." 

>Firstly, this wasn't a sentence because that's not how dialogue is formatted. I couldn't understand how to read it because I didn't know what it was. So putting it together, in two sentences, would make it look more organized. 

Chapter 6

Original: "Are you stupd?! It hasn't even started yet!" Baekhyun complained.

Correction: "Are you stupid?! It hasn't even started yet!" Baekhyun complained.

>It wasn't really anything but a small typo. This is what I meant by reading over your work and fixing the mistakes.

Chapter 8

Original: "oppa." You whispered uncertainly.

Correction: "Oppa," you whispered uncertainly.

>I noticed you do this a lot but usually when characters say something a certain way (ie. laughed, said, whispered), there's supposed to be a comma after it instead of a period. When you use a period, it's like a separate sentence that doesn't really explain the how the character said the piece of dialogue. Does that make sense? It's kind of hard for me to explain.

Writing Style: (18/20)

One of the things I really liked was how descriptive you were with the characters emotions. I always knew how they were feeling from you how you described the scene that was going on and from it being in that characters POV. One of my favorite scene's was the falling stars one. How you described it was beautifully and it made me wish I was there. And the chemistry between Sehun and Jihyun was nicely written as well. It was like a cute love story scene that definitely caught my eye. 

Characterization: (29/30)

The relationship between Jihyun and Sehun wasn't as ideal as I thought it would be. How they met sounded pretty cliche (with the whole servant and prince thing) but you made it different; unique. I especially liked how you made Jihyun's character not the obedient servant that listened to Prince Sehun's every command because then it would take so much out of the story. I loved how it seemed like everything was a challenge with those two and how they can be playful and tease each other a lot, but also care very much for one another. The love they felt was totally believable which I enjoyed reading about a lot.

Flow: (25/30)

The story's pace wasn't too fast, it's just the ending of the first chapter really threw me off. It seemed rushed and not really thought out. I also don't like the quick POV changes between Sehun and Jihyun. I understand that you want the readers to know both characters feelings, and that's a good thing, but I can't help but think this fic would be so much better in 3rd person POV. Don't get me wrong though! It's fine the way it is, just don't switch the POV's too much in one chapter. And also try to look for synonyms so there can be a variety of words used. It'll sound better and more serious and sophisticated. Keep asking your readers for help of you need it because I'm sure they like being invloved in the fic. It can open up new ideas for you which will make the story more interesting.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment (3.5/5)

Out of everything, I enjoyed reading this fic. I've never read a 'you' fic so I was pleasantly surprised that I would like reading it. I love Jihyun and Sehun's shy romance. It's absolutely the cutest and my favorite line, What fate awaits the two that were reincarnated to renew the heart-breaking story of their past life?, draws me in every time! Great job and I'd love to read more! 

Bonus (+4)

Final Score/ Total (174.5/200) = 87.25%

A/N: 

I had fun reading this fic and I enjoyed it very much. It was a step out of my comfort zone and I don't regret it! Again, read over your work to fix any mistakes and look for more words to use. If you do  that, I'm sure you'd be good to go! Fantastic job!

**