Review for fetchings // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

and even all the stars cannot keep me (from you) (Completed, one-shot)

Title:

I'm thankful that this is a non-graded review because a wonderful piece of work (like yours) can get some ty marks because of the grading. I have to be honest that initially the title was way too long for my preference and it sounded draggy however I changed my mind completely. After reading the story, the title was just perfect. I loved how it sounded and how long the title is. The time that they spent away from each other are much longer than the title and somehow it feels suiting and has it own melancholy feel to it. I love the title and remembered it right away. It's going to be etched in my mind for a while for its beautiful and haunting title and story.

Overall Appearance:

Even though I feel that a good and simple background of stars or galaxy would help with the overall apperance of the story, I'm actually fine the way it is. The risk of placing a background picture that it's suiting or ideal would just destroy the feelings and imaginary image in the readers' mind. But if you managed to find a good one that you think suits the story, it could be great but it's good the simple way it is now as well.

Description and Foreword:

Your description was on point. It's detailed and has no misleading information about the story and yet it's impactful and important. However, I think it can be better phrased this way: (But I think it's good the way it is as well)

From:

23 years and Jongin still loves Jongdae as much despite space, time and infinity in between. 

Plot:

To me, I never actually read a story about space or interstellar type and actually like them because it's already hard enough to write the correct description in the story and it's even harder to explain or express everything in writings but yours was something else. I absolutely loved it. Everything about it. The theories of the time and the pain of regret Jongin felt, the waiting and hoping of someone that might never return after being promised and everything in the story. It's a magnificent piece. I can gush on and on about how much I loved it and it's coming from someone who have not watched the show/movie that inspires you. I thought I'll have a hard time understand the story because you recommend to watch it first but I take my chance and I think I'm glad that I didn't watch it first or else it'll spoil the view I have of the story. 

I love how the story mainly focuses on the message left by Jongdae. It was a special way of telling the story and still be able to express the feelings of the characters without being literal about them. I felt the emotions and was so moved by it.

What I feel that could be improved on was to have more of such dialogue/messages by Jongdae and the others. I was expecting Baekhyun to be sending at least one message to tell Jongin how messed up Jondgae is and how hard he's living while waiting for his return. And more from Jongdae again about how he's living and how he have grown old etc. There's only two but a few more would make it all more deep and moving. 

Originality: 

You might say that the story was heavily inspired by the show and it can be slightly unoriginal but I begged to differ. I think no matter how alike a story is with a movie, it'll still be original because the way you had written the story with your own personal touch of writing style and with the ideas in the story that you came up with it yourself. I think it's an extremely original piece of work and I'm utterly moved by it.

Language:

There isn't any big typos but I noticed one or two things that isn't grammatically correct. (eg Jongdae tsked) Instead you could have changed it into 'Jongdae shakes his head in disapproval while smiling' or something that's grammatically correct but to be honest it's isn't a big deal.

Writing Style:

Your writing style was really honest and real. I liked how you don't use bombastic words to spize up the story but it still has it own deep meaning within every sentence. 

Characterization:

It's weird that I rarely read Chenkai story because I rarely see interactions of them but still because of the story, I somehow find them both really suitable and matchy for each other. Both of the characters are pretty one dimensional but they're easy to understand and relate to. Kai was away and Jongdae is the one who kept holding on to Kai even after 23 years. And the pain from both character was almost palpable to me that my heart aches for them. It isn't anyone's fault and it hurts even more. As I've said that both the main characters are pretty one dimensional, it's better to write more about their thoughts, feeling and characteristic because that way your characters can become alive to readers.

Flow:

The flow was definitely a super fast-paced one and I think you could have benefited by adding more scenarios and by writing a longer story because it was too short and fast at the same time. I think it can be a great story if you would have written it longer or else it might feel like it's a drabble instead of a one-shot. I think the story can be potentially be written as a chaptered story, I bet you'll gather more readers that way. Readers tend to like either longer one-shot or chaptered stories that they can get attached to over time.

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment: 

It's a real damn short story which I think can be better categorized as a drabble but I enjoyed every damn bit of it. I was so angry and frustrated by the time I came to the end of the story because it's that good. Please do edit it to be longer or try experimenting it by writing it as a short chapered story! 

A/N:

I loved the story, it's an art piece. And I was listening to this instead of the song you recommend because I thought it's fitting with the story! And it reminds me of the movie 'gravity' (a bit). I'll be looking out for more interstellar stories from you! Best of luck!

**