Review for KpopotakuXD // Reviewed by: Fantascape

Title and Story link:  

Her Choice (On-going, reviewed with 6 chapters)

Title: (19/20)

'Her Choice' is a simple, sweet title that I found rather fitting for this fic. It's quaint, giving away the theme of this fic without revealing too much. I love simplicity, if used correctly, and I think a quirkly dramatic romcom fic like this needs that simplicity. If I have to make a suggestion, it would be to perhaps add just a bit to the title. It can remain simple, but adding one more word could allow it to stand out. I can only imagine how many fics exist with the title of 'Her Choice', or something similar, so you will want yours to be a bit more original. I'd recommend adding a descriptive word in front of 'choice'- perhaps an adjective like 'difficult' or 'last'. Reading 'Her Perfect Choice' or even 'Eunji's Choice' is slightly more memorable than merely 'Her Choice'.     

Overall Appearance: (5/5) 

The poster displayed the same simplicity as the title. It harbored peaceful, almost somber themes with its baby blue hues and cloudy background. It has a melancholic feel that goes well with the bubbly lettering to accentuate just how emotional this fic is. It's eye-catching but not too busy, and easy to understand. There was no layout, but that also meant there was nothing to distract from the story! I liked how the paragraphs were well-structured and broken up by dialogue. I, personally, think there could have been a few more 'lengthy' paragraphs in which there is only description, but I'll get to that in the Writing Style section. I also think that perhaps you didn't have to italicize the entire fic. Italics are often used for emphasis, but they could have also indicated a shift to the past. By making the entire fic italic, it tlimits your options to bold font for emphasis. It also makes the fic easy to 'skim' as people tend to read italic font faster than regular font because it blends together. I'd suggest making the entire story regular font. If you'd like to give your fic a certain 'airy' quality, just change the font type.

Description and Foreword: (19/20)

Your description is informative and it rightfully focuses on the main characters. Often times, people reveal their entire story before it even begins, giving the reader nothing to look forward to. On the other hand, there are those who put too little or inadequate information, thus confusing their readers. Yours reveals just as much as it conceals, so I commend you on that. I also loved the elegance of the divider just beneath it. The trailer was well-crafted and it contained one of my favorite songs from EXO. "My Turn to Cry" is a fitting choice in terms of the soft, sorrowful melody behind it. The video itself was almost a bit long, so I'd recommend keeping all trailers under one minute next time.

The foreword was also very neat and intricately-produced. The gray outlines unify each picture and bring a balance to its overall set-up. The dividers are elegant and simple- attracting just enough attention to be noticed, but not so much that they hog the spotlight. I like how you provided a short bio for each character, but I think the parts that state their personalities aren't needed. Honestly, if you capture them well enough in a story, a bio isn't needed at all! But I don't think we need to know their character traits... Allow us to find that out on our own, instead of giving their characterization a crutch. 

Plot: (15/30)

So from what I've gathered (from the description/foreword, trailer, and story), "Her Choice" is about a young girl who loses her parents to a tragic accident and gets adopted into a new family. Because of her grief, she's bitter and holds a great protection over her heart- even towards her stepmother and stepbrother. One day, she accidentally meets EXO's Suho through a hospital visitation and she can no longer seem to rid him from her life. Basically, the plot revolves around Suho trying to melt this girl's icy heart (either because he's fallen for her or for other reasons which will eventually lead to him falling for her). Then, of course, there's the TaeSeo side story! Overall, the plot in and of itself seems solid. It's simple and a bit cliche, but it's solid.

Really though, I'd encourage you to think of anyway you can to make this fic stand out. Far too many writers choose to play it safe and their fic becomes boring or predictable. You have an open enough plot set-up to add a few twists and turns. Surprise us every once in a while, and don't take the story down the road we think it'll go. Let us lose hope for a moment and baffle us a bit... Perhaps throw in another femme fatale that challenges Eunji for Suho's attention- to which she gets jealous and begins to war with herself. Perhaps allow a deeper insight onto Eunji's parents' deaths... Maybe the person who drove the car that ran into them has a son or daughter that ends up meeting Eunji and upsetting her. Maybe somewhere down the line, Eunji contemplates turning to suicide or self-destruction (drugs, alcohol, etc.) due to some depression. These are all pretty risky routes to go, but you have to admit, it livens up the plot! Just make sure that it makes sense... Don't throw something in there so randomly that the readers end up questioning its possiblity. I mean... What was the probability of EXO's Sehun attending Eunji's school? And how on earth did he know she went to the same school as he did, when he had only just started his first day? What are the odds of Suho being admitted into Taemin's class? Reveal to us why some of these surprises happen in your fic... Perhaps Sehun recognized Eunji's uniform as the same one from the school he'll be attending. Perhaps the 'Suho and Taemin' situation could have been a coincidence, but don't have too many of those in one fic... It makes the plot-devices too easy to spot and the fic comes off as cheesy.

We already know that the plot will end happily- that Suho will succeed in winning Eunji over or at least end up changing her life. But as readers, we don't know just how or when this will happen. That leaves you plenty of space to make up complications and develop their relationship (along with the story itself). Don't give in easily... Don't be afraid to put your characters through some trauma. It may hurt a bit because, as a writer, these guys are your babies... But a truly good story is one that isn't afraid to take risks or bend rules. 

Originality: (10/20)

As entertaining as it was, I didn't find the overall plot all that original. It's simple and leaves an opening for a few plot-twists and character cameos, but it's not really unique. A normal girl captures the attention of a famous guy and he proceeds to try and win her heart. That much describes almost half of the EXO romance fics out there. It's a very safe route to take, but it's also limited in there are so many others like it. This can make it almost forgettable and easy to overlook if you're the type who reads many fanfics. I will say, though, that I love how you added Eunji's circumstances there. She's not just some naive, hardworking school girl... She's a girl who's dealt with loss and is made bitter because of it. She's a girl who shows no interest in Suho or any of his posse for that matter. More importantly, she's a challenge- which is enough to bring your fic a level higher than other EXO prince-and-pauper romance fics. It's a slight twist that gives the fic a tinge of flavor, but I still think you can go much deeper into the plot and make it more complex. As difficult as it may seem to win someone's heart, the result has already been decided in the story. The readers know she'll end up with him- they just don't know when and why. Feel free to give them a little bit more in your story (without destroying the plot, of course). You have plenty of room for that.

Language: (14/20)

I struggled a bit to thoroughly enjoy the fic, mainly because of the amount of grammatical errors. You said you use a beta-reader and admitted that he or she was unavailable for some of your chapters. However, even chapters that had been proofread still had quite a few technical errors. A few mistakes were common: the use of 'peoples' instead of 'people', forgetting commas, and tense confusion. Others, however, weren't as frequent. We all make typos and mistakes (just I will be making some in this review), but I think it's best to ensure that as many of those mistakes as possible are caught. You may even need a second beta-reader if the one you have isn't that efficient. Below is a sample of mistakes located in the description:

Your words: "Suho who is the leader from the popular boygroup EXO lives a cheerful and bright life. He has many friends and also loves s and family. He is loved by so many peoples. While on the other side someone's life is awful, and her name is Eunji. She lost her parents at a young age because of a car accident and get adopt after that. You could say that the two lives in two different worlds. But who thought that they were able to see each other through an unexpected meeting..."

My correction: Suho- the leader of the popular boygroup, EXO- lives a cheerful and bright life. He has many friends and loves s and family. He is also loved by so many people. While on the other hand, a girl named Eunji has an awful life. At a young age, she lost her parents in a car accident, and was adopted. You could say that these two live in different worlds... But who would have thought they were able to meet so unexpectedly?

Writing Style: (10/20)

It's difficult to grade your writing style because I'm aware that English may not be your first language. Regardless, I think you should consider a few tips on how to create smoother writing. First, a beta-reader can only truly do so much. They're incredibly helpful, but they can miss things just as easily as anyone else. Nothing's wrong with hiring two of them to sort of act as back-up for one another. The beta-reader you have at the moment, did make a difference in your writing. However, there was still so much that he or she missed, that it may help to get another pair of eyes to help look over it.   

The story is crafted in a very informal tone of voice. It's fitting for this genre, seeing as it's labeled as comedy. It's much easier to pull off comedic scenes when you write with the same bluntness as you do. It takes the reader to the punch-line faster and leaves us shocked with its randomness. However, you also have bits of drama- angsty drama. This sort of genre is usually better with more detailed, eloquent forms of writing. Being straightforward doesn't seem to capture the same suspense and emotion in a dramatic fic. Romantic genres, however, can go either way. In comedic romance, you can be as blunt as you like and still have the desired affect. The love or lust will just be seen in a more lighthearted, bouncy way. However, in dramatic romance, the descriptions are used to tug at the heartstrings, making the fic much more sincere.

I'm saying this because you have a difficult job ahead of you. You have to find a way to meld drama and comedy into a romantic fic without tipping the balance too much. The way your fic is written now, it seems more comedic than dramatic. Even the moment in which we find out that Eunji's parents are dead seems so insincere. It makes it hard to truly feel sorry for her when there isn't a picture of her devastation painted out for us. For instance, in the moment that Eunji discovers Suho's unconscious mother, I was hoping you'd describe a bit more. Was she on her back or her stomach? Was she bleeding anywhere or pale in the face? Was her hair spread around her like a halo? These little things slow down the moment and make us truly 'see' what Eunji sees. Also, don't be afraid to let us feel what Eunji feels. Instead of passively telling us that Eunji felt sympathy for the woman, why not describe it? Describe the way her heartbeat quickened or how the blood drained from her face. Better yet, relate the way this woman looked (sprawled on the ground) to the way Eunji's parents looked after the accident. Feel free to give us those 'chills'.

The score you earned for this section isn't because I think your writing is bad. Rather, I know you can do it- you just need to know what to do and how. I think you should read a few more fanfics that are way more descriptive. Get in the habit of painting the scenes during dramatic or serious moments. The fic doesn't have to keep the same tempo the entire time... Otherwise, it'll be hard to know when things are getting serious and when they aren't!

Characterization: (30/30)

I absolutely love the characterization in your story. In fics like this that are chaptered and situational, it's truly important to be able to differentiate between characters. I didn't pay much attention to the character bio in the foreword, because I believe a character should be figured out by the reader. You honestly don't need that bio, because you painted each character's personality so well. You may need the pictures- though- until you're able to better describe things (such as a character's appearance), but that's about it. I was able to truly grasp a few qualities of the main characters just by reading the story! I understood that Eunji is stubborn and headstrong, but also caring and independent. I understood that Seohyun is a loyal friend with a patient, motherly heart, and a total romantic. I understood that Taemin is rather protective and brave enough (or foolish enough) to challenge someone like Suho with so much more authority. And I understood that Suho's a charmer who's probably pretty used to getting what he wants (thanks to his celebrity life), but is also quite gentlemanly and kind. All of this, I was able to get just from reading your fic- not from looking at the bios. And, honestly, that's exactly as it should be. You portrayed their signature voices very well and made them react the way only they would react. There was no confusion in terms of the character's purpose or identity. I had no problem understanding their places in the fic. Even \when you changed POVs, you changed your 'voice' along with it. For that, I believe you scored perfectly!

Flow: (19/30)

I was surprised to note that the fic didn't really have a steady flow. When reading a story, it's best for it to maintain an even pace during some moments and rising to speed in others. For instance, during dramatic scenes, feel free to maintain a steady, smoother pace. Turn your writing into velvet and make the scene flow with details and description rather than fast-paced dialogue. On that note, I noticed that most of the story is dialogue with barely any scene depictions. Picture a story like a heartbeat or an equalizer. Every bit of dialogue makes a 'spike' in the story and breaks the smoothness of the flow. For that reason, it's a bit overwhelming to have a story filled with 98% dialogue. It becomes too fast-paced and urgent, making it harder to grasp dramatic scenes or developments. On the otherhand, a story with too much passive description becomes a 'flat-line' and makes the reading duller and slower. It's all about balance in fic-writing. You can have Eunji's stepmother yell at her to wake up, but you can also serve to describe Eunji's room as she gets ready. Seohyun can swoon when she finally 'meets' Kai, but you should take a moment to depict how handsome he looks to her. Allow us to see it just as you're seeing it in your head. Like I said, comedy and drama are on different spectrums. In comedy, it's fine to maintain a faster flow in which the characters throw jabs at each other (like the scene where the other EXO members tease Suho about Eunji). But when it takes a turn for the dramatic, feel free to slow it down a bit... The scene where Eunji and Seohyun come to school and find their desks vandalized is incredibly dramatic, especially when Eunji confronts them. These are places where you want to 'suspend' the scene and create a deeper picture of what's going on. Below is an example of how you can suspend a dramatic scene a bit more...

Your words:  "'I don't know why they are like this,' Seohyun replied and looked actually a little bit scaried. 'I think I heard my name. Is something wrong?' Eunji growled while she approached at the girls who flinched a little bit. 'N-No but we thought that you really look like this girl,' one of the girls stuttered and showed her a pic from her handphone." 

My correction: "I don't know why they're like this..." Seohyun replied, her eyes wide with fear. It struck Eunji then that she was actually afraid- even if it were just a bit. Immediately she saw red and her hands balled into fists at her sides, digging red crescents into her palms. Before her friend could stop her, Eunji stormed over to the flock of whispering girls. Every step she took drew a hush out of them, but by then she was too angry to care. "I thought I heard my name. Is something wrong?" she growled out through clenched teeth. The girls flinched at her tone, but that wasn't enough for her... She wanted an answer. "N-No..." one girl with incredibly overdone make-up stuttered. "But we thought that you really look a lot like this girl." She handed Eunji the phone, showing her the picture she was speaking of. Eunji's heart almost froze... 

Reader's Scope/ Overall Enjoyment: (4/5) 

Honestly, I truly enjoyed reading this fic! I found it lighter and more refreshing than more of the angsty ones I've seen lately. I thought the characters were portrayed rather consistently and the story, itself was interesting. Overall, I think you just need to work on your spelling and grammar, so that I wouldn't have to pause and mentally correct it so often. I also think you should try to lengthen your chapters by providing smooth descriptions and detail of the scenes and characters. Remember, you might know what you're saying and what you have in mind, but the readers don't.

Bonus (+3) 

I gave you a bonus of 3 points simply because I'm aware of the struggle as a writer. When writing, it's difficult to truly catch all of our errors, so I understand the handful of technical mistakes every now and again. But I truly think you should get an additional beta-reader and perhaps read a few deep fics to see how to portray drama and angst. I also truly enjoyed the story and felt it would be something I'd read regardless of being a reviewer or not.

Final Score/ Total (148/200) = 74%

A/N:

By the way, what's happening in this particular scene? For the life of me, I can't seem to understand it... I'm sorry :(

Your words: 

"'You big, if your not going to hurry up you will be late!' Taemin joked around and laughed as he saw how Eunji glared at him with filled with meat.

'What? Pig?' Eunji said and puked some meat out. She wipped immediately and picked the meat from the ground up but got disturbed by Taemin.

'I will do it so take your schoolbag and let's go,' Taemin mumbled and moved her hand away. Then he picked the meat from the ground and let a big smile out towards Eunji."

**