It was about five in the afternoon when Sehun finally made it back to his room and it surely had been quite an adventure to make sure his mum didn’t see him sneaking in. But he’d managed and sighed in relief when he closed the door behind him.

“Where the hell have you been?” Sehun turned around startled.

“Jongin… Holy , you scared me!”

“Serves you right… Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been? One second you’re dancing with some guy and the next you’re gone and don’t answer our messages and calls!? Are you crazy?”

“I’m sorry…”

“That’s all?”

“Well… I… I didn’t really think about that…”

“Where did you go?”

“Somewhere…”

“Somewhere? Sehun! I’m serious!”

“I went to sleep, okay?”

“Yeah… That’s why I’ve been waiting here for hours… Because you went home to sleep…”

“I never said I went home to sleep…”

“Sehun…”

“I went to some guy’s room, okay?” Sehun sighed and grabbed some fresh clothes. “Now if you excuse me… I smell like smoke and alcohol and party and I need to shower…”

“Sure… I’ll be right here when you come back…” The younger sighed once more and left for a hot shower. He didn’t really like the look on his best friend’s face. The mix of disappointment and worry. And maybe a little bit of relief because Sehun was finally back. He knew that it wasn’t his best move to just leave without telling any of his friends and he’d already felt bad enough because of it when he’d seen all the unread messages and missed calls after waking up about three hours ago.

“Okay… So spill everything now or I’ll make you,” was how Jongin greeted him later when he finally dared to go back to his room.

“I kind of… Forgot about you guys? Sorry…” Sehun sat down next to his best friend.

“I mean from the start…”

“I got a little too drunk, I guess… And there were a few really nice guys… And Luhan… Gosh there was Luhan… And I really needed to get away from him…”

“Why?”

“Because I figured that it was bad enough to kiss him… I thought we shouldn’t go any further…”

“Oh…”

“Yeah… Yeah… That’s it… I found a nice guy…”

“So?”

“Well… I spend the night in his room…”

“I hope he was worth it because you’re grounded, mister!”

“I’m… WHAT? You’re not my mum, Jongin!”

“Damn… True…. So? How was he? Hot?” Jongin grinned a little.

“Tall… Really handsome… He has a nice body and he’s certainly good in bed…”

“So you’re going to meet him again?”

“Are you crazy!? This guy thinks I’m in university… He’s in his last year… So that makes him… 20? 21? Maybe even 22? Who knows…”

“You like them older, don’t you?”

“I don’t really care about age, okay? And please enlighten me… How was I supposed to find someone my age at this party?” Sehun rolled his eyes.

“Zitao?”

“Are you kidding me? Tao’s a friend… I don’t want him to think we could be more than that… And I think he likes Kris….”

“That’s cool! I’ll tell Kris to break up with my sister and give the poor panda a chance…”

“Leave them alone… I think your sister’s happy with Kris… So… What did I miss?”

“Luhan panicking… Joonmyun panicking… Kyungsoo nearly called the police and Baekhyun and Chanyeol have a bet running on how many guys you had last night…”

“Great… Okay… I’ll call them… Not Baek and Yeol… But I’ll definitely call Lu and Joonmyun….”

“You should… Okay… I’ll leave now… Kyungsoo’s still in my bed and I promised to come back as soon as I know you’re still alive…”

“How long have you been waiting?”

“About four hours?”

“Four hours? Wow… I’ve only been awake for three…”

“Why didn’t you come back earlier?”

“I guess that guy thought I’m not too bad in bed as well… Didn’t want to let me go… And he tried to ask me about my major and stuff… If anyone asks… I’m in the third semester… I study physics and biology just because I can!”

“See? You already lied about your age… You could just meet him again…”

“No way…”

“Okay… Well… Call them before they die…”

“Mhm… Tell squishy that I’m sorry…”

“You’re not…”

“No… But you could always tell him…”

“I never lie to him!”

“Never?”

“No… Why would I?”

“I don’t know… Stuff like ‘I’m done with my homework… you can come over’ or… I don’t even know… ‘I didn’t look at that guy’s ’…”

“Looking at other people is allowed…”

“Okay… Go on and be the perfect boyfriend…”

~~~~*~~~~

“Hey Lu… It’s me, Sehun…” the teen could hear a relieved sigh from the older.

“Thank god! Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I just got home… Don’t worry! I’m fine…”

“I’m sorry!”

“What for?”

“Kissing you… I really shouldn’t have…”

“It’s okay, Lu…”

“It’s not… I mean… You ran away because of that…”

“No… I ran away because I know that more would have happened otherwise…”

“It’s still my fault…”

“It’s not!”

“Sehun?” Luhan sounded like he was about to cry.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this…”

“Doing what?” the teen lay back down and nibbled on his lip, worried about what the answer would be.

“Being friends… It just… I mean… Yesterday showed us that it doesn’t really work…”

“Yesterday showed us that we were both really drunk, Lu…” Sehun tried to make his point clear.

“No… You were really drunk… I only had one beer…”

“Oh…” Well… That changed things a little. Wait! That was good, wasn’t it? Because it meant he still had a chance with the Chinese.

“Yeah… ‘Oh’… Look… I’m sorry… But I really think it’s a bad idea…” Nononono! No! It was NOT a bad idea! Definitely not. Okay maybe being friends wasn’t their best idea but still!

“Why?” Sehun pressed his eyes closed to stop himself from crying.

“Because I just… I just can’t do it… I tried, okay?… I tried really hard… I tried not to care when I saw you with Joonmyun… And I tried really hard to be just a friend… But I can’t… It hurts to see you and not be able to be with you like we used to…” Sehun already knew that. He felt the same way. Okay… He was sure it was a lot harder for Luhan. But that didn’t mean he didn’t hate the distance between them as well.

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s not your fault…” Yeah… Sure… Because it hadn’t been Sehun who started doubting everything they had.

“It is, Lu… It’s all my fault!”

“Well… Yeah… It kind of is… But that’s not important now, is it?”

“Still… I managed to hurt you again…”

“That’s life…”

“What does that mean?”

“Well… Life has a lot of situations in which you get hurt, I guess…”

“No… For… For us…” Because why would the teen care about anything else right now?

“Oh… I… I’m not really sure…”

“I mean… If you don’t want to be friends-“

“It’s not that I don’t want to, Sehun…” Okay… Luhan was definitely crying now. That was bad. Sehun really hated nothing more than making Luhan cry and he still managed to make the older spill so many tears because he was so stupid.

“I know, Lu…”

“Sorry…”

“No… It’s okay… You tried…” And Sehun didn’t even want to know how much trying must have hurt.

“So…”

“Well… I guess… I don’t know… You go to our movie nights one week and I go the next?” he really wanted to just end this call and crawl under his blanket to cry for at least three days straight but he needed to make sure Luhan wouldn’t think he had to leave all of his friends behind.

“No, Sehun… Those are your friends…”

“They’re also your friends, Lu… And it’s my fault we’re in this situation… You know what? I’ll just not go there anymore… I don’t want you not go there anymore because of me…”

“No, Sehun…”

“Look… I see them at school… All the time… It’s okay… Really! I want you to go to the movie nights and have some fun… At least you’ll eat enough when you’re there…”

“I eat more than enough, Sehun…”

“Whatever… I won’t go there no matter if you go or not…”

“We could both go…”

“No… I hurt you enough…”

“Then I’m not going…”

“Great… Then we’re both not going…”

“Whatever… I… I’ll miss you, baby!”

“I’ll miss you too, Lu…” More than anything else. Even more than he missed the summer holidays once he had to go back to school. Even more than he missed his mum back when he was four and she had to leave for a business trip for a whole week and little Sehun had felt like dying because he just didn’t understand why his mother would leave him. But this was going to be a lot worse. Because he knew he was the only one to blame for this situation.

~~~~*~~~~

“Okay… Okay… Sehun? Calm down? Please?” Jongin felt helpless. His best friend had come over about twenty minutes ago, tears streaming down his face and he still hadn’t stopped crying. If anything he was only crying harder than before.

“Come on Sehun… Breathe,” Kyungsoo tried and rubbed circles on the younger’s back. “Tell us what happened.” He shot a despaired look in his boyfriend’s direction.

“Baby? Can you go downstairs and make some tea? And… Bring the ice cream?” Jongin asked after a while.

“Sure… I’ll be right back…” Kyungsoo sighed before slipping off the bed and going downstairs to get everything that could help Sehun calming down.

“Sehun?” Jongin tried again when the younger finally seemed to calm down a little.

“I’m sorry I just came here… I’m sure you have something better to do…” Sehun sat up and tried to wipe the tears away but new once just rolled down his cheeks again.

“It’s okay… Come here,” Jongin pulled him against his chest and crawled his neck. “What happened?”

“I just called Lu…”

“I brought tea… And ice cream… And chocolate, chips, nachos, cookies and some fruits,” Kyungsoo announced and carried a big tray full of food and a can of tea over to the bed.

“Thanks, Soo,” Jongin gave him a small smile.

“No problem… Should I leave you guys alone?”

“No,” Sehun grabbed him and pulled him into the hug as well. “More people sound nice…”

“Okay…”

“You said you called Luhan?” Jongin tried to get back to the point.

“Yeah… He… He said he can’t do it anymore…”

“Do what anymore?” Kyungsoo asked confused.

“Being friends…”

“Oh…”

“Ouch… Why?”

“Because it hurts too much…”

“What exactly does that mean for you?” Jongin asked him.

“That I won’t see him anymore… And that you’ll have to go to the movie nights without me…”

“He can’t force you to stay away!”

“No… But… I don’t want him to stay away so I told him I’d stay at home… I mean… I see you guys at school… He doesn’t…”

“Why now?”

“Because he kissed me last night…”

“He was drunk…”

“He wasn’t…”

“Wow… okay… He seemed to be okay with you being with Joonmyun though,” Jongin pointed out.

“He wasn’t… He just tried…”

“Can I ask you something?” Kyungsoo blinked at him.

“Sure…”

“Why don’t you just go back to him? I mean… He says it hurts too much being just friends… That means he still likes you, doesn’t it? And… Seeing how much it hurts you to not be able to see him again… You still like him as well…”

“I know… And all I did was hurt him…”

“Just tell him you still love him…”

“He can’t just go there like ‘hey… Now that you don’t want to see me as a friend any more I’m sure of my feelings for you…’… What would Luhan think?” Jongin pointed out.

“True…” Kyungsoo sighed and snuggled a little closer. At least his two friends were warm.

“I just really don’t know what I’m supposed to do now… I mean… It hurts him to just see me… This is not a good basis for a relationship anyway…” Sehun told them and looked so sad it nearly broke Jongin’s heart.

“You’re not going to give up now, are you?” Jongin still wanted to make sure.

“No… HELL NO! I just… It kind of is like you just said… When he told me we wouldn’t work as friends… I just… I don’t know… I mean… He promised we’d stay friends when we decided on taking a break… I knew he’d be there… And now… It’s like… I’ve never known him… Just that I have… And I’m afraid of not being able to see him… And not hearing him laugh… And I’m really afraid that I just ruined everything… I promised myself not to hurt him anymore… And now look at me… He doesn’t even want to see me anymore…”

“It will be okay… I promise,” Kyungsoo assured. “I know that he still loves you! Just… Give him some time…”

“And how will I know when he’s ready to see me again? Because I know Luhan won’t just call me… He wants me to tell him when I’m ready…”

“You’ll just know, I guess… I’ll tell you when he tells me anything about it, okay?”

“Thanks, squishy… Jongin? You’ve got the second best boyfriend on this planet! Don’t let him go!”

“I won’t… Now eat that stupid ice cream before it melts…”

“That’s too much for me…”

“I never said I would let you eat it alone, did I?”

“I want some too,” Kyungsoo said with a pout.

“Too bad… You only brought two spoons, baby…”

“Sehun just told you to make sure I’ll stay… That involves sharing your spoon with me…”

“Jongin… I guess he’s trying to glare at you… Maybe you should feed him some ice cream…”

A/N: I'M SORRY! University has been a pain in the and I really didn't get to do anything else... And I'm also sorry about this chap... But HEY! AT least Sehun finally realized how much Luhan means to him... And from now on it can only get better! And I promise it will....