“Hey, baby… Come in,” Luhan greeted him the next day.

“Hey,” Sehun mumbled and kissed his cheek before hurriedly taking off his shoes and entering the kitchen.

“Is everything okay?” The Chinese wanted to know while closing the door and following into the room a little slower.

“Hm? … Oh… Yeah… Sure... Just… School was… School?”

“Are you sure you have time to be here?”

“Yeah… I wouldn’t be here otherwise, right?”

“I don’t know… I hope so… I don’t want you to neglect school as well, you know?”

“I know, Lu,” the teen sighed and sat down on the Chinese’s bed. “Where’s Kris?”

“Still at university… He should be here in about twenty minutes though… When do you have to leave?”

“In about 90 minutes… Why? Want to get rid of me already?”

“No! I just wanted to know so I know when I should start to cook… I see that now would be a great time to do so…”

“You don’t have to cook anything for me…”

“I have to eat too… And Kris won’t mind either… Are you in for some real Chinese food?”

“Sure…” Sehun decided that Luhan didn’t actually need to know about what he had done the day before. It wasn’t going to happen again anyway so he didn’t see the need to make the older worry. “Can I help with anything?”

“No… I like you with all your ten fingers, baby… You can set the table…”

“Hey! Joonmyun taught me a few tricks.” Mentioning Joonmyun nearly made Sehun cry but he held it in to not give away the truth.

“Well then… Show me,” Luhan grinned and handed him a chopping board, a knife and a few vegetables.

“You’ll be surprised by how perfect I am,” the teen tried to joke but he knew he sounded a little like he was choking.

“Are you sure, everything’s okay?”

“Yeah… Just nervous that I’ll fail and you’ll think I’m a loser…”

“I’ll still love you, Hunnie! Don’t worry… I’m going to be impressed as long as you don’t hurt yourself…”

“I’m not really worried about hurting myself… I’m more afraid of hurting others,” Sehun mumbled as he started cutting everything his boyfriend had handed him.

“No one else is here… Don’t worry so much,” Luhan laughed. “Are you afraid you’ll throw the knife through the room? Because if you are you better put it down right now…”

“No… It’s fine…”

They worked in silence for a while. Sehun cutting whatever he could find and Luhan washing the rice before starting on the main dish. They were both staring into the pot when the door opened and Kris walked into the room.

“Oh… Hey there, little one! You going to move in with us?”

“Hey Kris,” Luhan waved at his roommate. “Lunch is almost ready!”

“Wow… That’s what I call service…”

“I’m not going to move in,” Sehun mumbled.

“Yeah… He’s just here to eat and then he’ll leave me again,” Luhan said. “Because I was a whiny that wanted to see him…”

“You sure are,” Kris agreed and Sehun shook his head.

“It’s okay if he calls himself that… But I don’t want you to call my boyfriend either a or whiny… Got that?”

“Sure, little one… Wait…. Actually… Luhan’s the little one now…. Damn… I liked that nickname for you…”

“If you start calling me ‘little’ you’ll starve,” Luhan threatened which had Kris snickering.

“I won’t! I promise… I’m sure the baby calls you enough strange names… No need for me to do the same…”

“I call him either ‘Lu’, ‘Luhan’ or ‘hyung’…”

“You’re boring! You need to slap him and tell him that he’s a !”

“WU YIFAN! Don’t give the boy any stupid ideas!”

“Sorry…”

“What does ‘Wu Yifan’ mean?” Sehun wanted to know after thinking about it for a while. It was Chinese, that much he was sure. But he didn’t think he ever heard those words before.

“Well,” Kris laughed. “It means ‘tall, handsome and loveable’.”

“It doesn’t,” Luhan shot his roommate a glare. “It’s Kris’ real name…”

“Oh…. I always thought ‘Kris’ was his real name… Why do you need a fake name?”

“I have a Chinese name… And a Canadian name… Well… not really Canadian… More the one I used there… So I figured I’d need a new one here as well… Cool, huh?”

“I don’t know,” Sehun answered honestly. “I guess it confuses a lot of people…”

“Well… Only Luhan, Yixing and you know my real name… So I guess it’s okay…”

“Okay… By the way… Jongin’s sister thinks you’re hot… Thought you might want to know…”

“Oh I know… I’m meeting her this Friday… Don’t tell Jongin though,” Kris said and grinned.

“Wow… Okay… This is going to be awkward,” Luhan sighed. “A group date with siblings… We should stay at home, baby…”

“Mhm… Whatever you want, Lu…”

“When will you finally tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me what happened… You’re behaving strange…”

“I’ll tell you when I know myself, okay?”

“Deal… OH! Thanks for the video!”

“You already said that on the phone,” Sehun smiled.

“I wanted to say it in person… My teacher loved it! I mean… So did I… but my opinion doesn’t give me good grades…”

“I’m glad I could help… At least I’m good for something…” Sehun had only mumbled the last part really low but Luhan had still heard him.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing…”

“Having trouble in school? Or with your family? Friends? Is Joonmyun being an ?” At the mention of his tutor Sehun’s head had shot up.

“Why Joonmyun?”

“Because you spend lots of time with him? It could be about him, right? Is he not treating you right? Do I have to go and punch him? I swear if he’s being a I’ll cut his balls off! No one messes with my baby!”

“It’s not because of Joonmyun! He’s nice… Don’t worry… He helps me with lots of stuff… I just… I feel like… I still don’t get math… Even though he tries so hard,” the teen lied.

“You’ll get it eventually… And hey… You’ll never need it again once you’re out of school… So… Food is ready… Sit down guys…”

“I have the best wife ever,” Kris commented when Luhan gave him his food.

“Very funny, Kris… I already found the guy I’m going to spend the rest of my life with… No room for you!” Sehun felt like crying again. Did Luhan have to see him as the one to spend an eternity with when he himself wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore? It pressured him to know that his boyfriend was so sure they’d be together forever when he’d thought about asking for a break the night before. Because Joonmyun had been right. He could need some time to figure his feelings out. But he didn’t want to risk everything he had and he was afraid Luhan wouldn’t agree or that he’d get tired of waiting for him and he wasn’t sure if he could still live without the older in a few years. It just sounded really nice to not be tied down for now. He sighed and started to eat. All this thinking was going to kill him one day. His head already hurt like it never had before and his heart felt heavy every time Luhan smiled at him lovingly.

~~~~*~~~~

“You were right!” Sehun sighed and plopped down on Joonmyun’s bed when he’d gone over to meet the older on Friday.

“I’m right most of the times, Sehun… That’s why I’m your tutor.” The older smiled at him.

“I wasn’t talking about school… I was talking about Luhan…”

“Oh…”

“Is that all you’re going to say? No good advice? Nothing to cheer me up?”

“No… I was hoping you would start with telling me everything…,” Joonmyun said and sat down next to him.

“I went over to his dorm two days ago… And… I don’t know… It’s just… He’s sure he wants to spend his life with me… And I’m… I mean… I can imagine myself with him 3 years from now or something… Just not right now… It’s like… I suddenly want to be free… I never felt like that before… Before I loved knowing that he would always be there and that I would spend most of my free time with him… It felt nice to have him around… It still is… But more like… With you?”

“So you try to get him to sleep with you? That’s good, I guess…”

“Joonmyun? Could we please just pretend that never happened?”

“Not going to happen… Sorry… It was fun!”

“Was not! I cheated on him… And I don’t even feel bad about it… Scratch that… I feel like about it because I know that he loves me and that he’s going to be so disappointed and hurt when I tell him… But… That’s all I feel bad about… I mean… I liked it… And I’m afraid I’d do it again,” Sehun admitted.

“You didn’t tell him?”

“No… Kris was there… And… He was talking about how sure he is that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with me… And I… I can’t hurt him like that!”

“That means, you still like him… A lot!”

“But I also like the idea of… Not really being without him… More like being with others…”

“You should really tell him,” Joonmyun sighed and lay down. “Don’t you think it’s the only fair thing to do?”

“It is… But… What if he doesn’t want me back?”

“When? In three years? Sehun… Stop kidding yourself… You’ll forget about him in those three years!”

“No… He’s still my first boyfriend… My first everything… How could I forget him?”

“I didn’t mean it like that… But… He won’t be what he is to you now… You’ll find someone else you love… Someone else to spend forever with…”

“That’s what I’m most afraid of… Because there’s no one better to spend forever with than Luhan… He’s perfect for the rest of my life…”

“Just not for now?”

“He’s perfect even for now… I’m not… I’m not really ready for this…”

“Why not? You felt ready for it until a while ago?”

“Because I feel like I have nothing to give to him… I know nothing about life… About dating… About working… About just living… And about how to treat him the way he deserves to be treated.” Sehun buried his face in the pillow to hide his tears.

“Look… Luhan never complained about that… You’ll learn about life as you live it… And you do know some stuff about dating… You’ve been doing it for more than three months… Working… Working is something you don’t need to know anything about yet… Give yourself some time… You’re not even sixteen! As for how to treat him… I’d say it’s his decision to decide if you’re doing it right.” Joonmyun crawled closer and hugged him. “What I’m trying to say is… That I think you don’t really want anyone else… When you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with him… There is nothing to worry about…”

“I could still regret never seeing anyone else…”

“You could also regret losing him…”

“I might not lose him…”

“You might end up all alone…”

“You’re not helping, hyung…”

“I’m just trying to get some important stuff in that stubborn head of yours… You love this guy… Don’t let go!”

“Wow… And that from the guy I made out with a few days ago… I cheated on him with you, you know?”

“I know… And I never said I didn’t like it or anything… Listen… I really like you… That’s why I’m trying to make sure you’re not doing something you’ll regret later…”

“You… Really like me?”

“Of course I do, Sehun…”

“Really like me as a friend, right?”

“Why are you asking?” The older sounded a little alarmed.

“Then why did you push me away?” Sehun sat up. “Why did you stop me when you liked it?”

“Because I like you, you idiot! I don’t want to be the reason you’re unlucky!” Joonmyun nearly shouted by then and Sehun stared at him. “What?”

“Why did you never tell me?”

“Because you have a boyfriend?”

“So?”

“Why would I risk our friendship with stuff like that?”

“I would never stop being friends with you because you like me,” Sehun whispered. “You’re way too important to me to just leave…”

“Stop saying stuff like that…”

“Sorry… But it’s true… You’re like… Everything I want to be one day…”

“Me? Why would anyone want to be like me? Me who is every teacher’s favorite but has nearly no friends because everyone thinks he’s a stuck up… Me who always gets rejected because people tend to think I won’t have time for them because of school work and stuff… Me who seems to live this perfect life but is really lonely in reality… Yeah… Being like me sounds like fun… You should definitely try it! Give up your hobbies because your teachers think it would be a great thing to help other students and tutor them even though they’re really not interested in what you’re telling them… Spend your days at home because your parents think that going out with friends is a waste of time that will ruin what people think of me and my family… If you really want to be like me… We could always just swap places because I’m really sick of this life… With no one but Kyungsoo and Jongdae around… And they’re only here when my parents want them over…”

“I… I didn’t know… Sorry… It’s just… You make having good grades look so easy… And you seem to be happy all the time… And… Hey… You’ll get into every university and I’m sure you’ll have a great job… That sounds nice to me… To find a job where you get the weekends off and get enough money to travel… And maybe buy a house and a dog… No a cat… Or maybe both…”

travel… And maybe buy a house and a dog… No a cat… Or maybe both…”

“Not everyone wants that kind of life, Sehun… It’s boring… Nothing new happens… You see the same people every day and do the same stuff the whole time… I want a small apartment in the city… Where I can go out and meet friends even in the middle of the night… I want go to every concert out there and lose myself in the music… And I want to just… Have a job where I’m not stuck in an office all day long… An office where I only see the city from above the clouds and where I have to dream of being free… To me… Being like me sounds like being trapped. It’s just about doing what makes everyone around you happy… You always come last… My parents don’t care about what I want until I’m the best in my class… They don’t care if I’m happy or sad as long as I’ll take over dad’s company… Why don’t you just… Take what you have? Go have fun dancing… And going out a lot… And maybe you can travel the world as a dancer… That sounds like fun to me… Go to new places… Get to know new cultures… You can learn so much more from it than from your books… And you could stand on a stage… People would be happy seeing you… That sounds like something worth living for…”

“You wouldn’t get to meet me anymore…”

“Don’t worry… Once the company is mine I’ll have to travel everywhere,” Joonmyun sounded like it was the worst thing to do. “Why do you think you never met my dad before even though you’re here almost every day?”

“Well… You could always just… Sell the company… And dance and travel the world after that…”

“I’m the world’s second worst dancer…”

“Only second?”

“You never saw Jongdae dance, hm?” Sehun burst out laughing and shook his head.

“That bad?”

“You have no idea…”

“Let’s go to the cinema tomorrow…”

“I can’t Sehun… My parents won’t let me…”

“Tell them you’ll go over to my house to tutor me… We’ll take the afternoon movie,” Sehun gave his hyung his best puppy eyes.

“What about Luhan? He won’t like the idea of you going to the cinema with just me,” Joonmyun told him.

“That might be true… He wanted to come over tomorrow… At around 4… But… He wanted to meet you!”

“I’m not really sure I want to meet him…”

“We won’t be all lovey-dovey in front of you, I promise… And we can take Jongin and Kyungsoo and Jongdae and everyone with us! It will be fun!”

“I already lied to them to go to that movie night at Baek’s…”

“See? You’re good at twisting the truth… You need to have some fun as well!”

“Okay… But only if Luhan’s okay with it… I’m pretty sure he’d prefer to spend some time with you alone… And you wanted to talk to him,” Joonmyun gave in.

“Luhan loves my friends… And I don’t want to talk to him… I just have to…”

A/N: Wow... Okay... SORRY! Really... University's been hard... Like I never had this much stress before! Ad as soon as my holidays started I was down with a really high fever... And I wanted to write so much but staring at my computer got too much after 3 minutes... So yeah... This is all I managed so far... But I'll try to write more now... Because I already have the last chapter in mind and I really want to get there... But so much stuff needs to happen before!
Anyway... I hope you all had a wonderful christmas!