“So… How was your weekend?” Joonmyun asked him after they had settled down in the older’s room on Tuesday.

“You already asked that at lunch yesterday…”

“Yeah… And now I want to know the truth,” the older laughed.

“It was nice! I didn’t lie about that, you know?” Sehun scoffed. Why would he pretend that his weekend had been great?

“I want to know what you did though,” Jonnmyun whined.

“Oh… Why didn’t you just say that?” The younger rolled his eyes. “I went to Luhan’s on Saturday… And I helped him with some of his homework and a presentation… You know… He still feels a little insecure when it comes to his pronunciation… And… Yeah… On Sunday I filmed the dance I made up for his homework… Jongin helped me with that…”

“What kind of homework requires a dance?”

“None… It was about music… No actually it was about finding another dance style to fit into a ballet… I don’t know why he had to do it… He didn’t seem to know what it’s for as well… But I thought it would be nice if he could hand in a video with it so the teacher would know what he was talking about in his paper… And I really like dancing… So yeah… It was fun!”

“Does Luhan live alone?”

“No… He lives in the same dorm as Yixing, remember?”

“Yeah… But Yixing has a single room,” Joonmyun explained.

“Luhan has a roommate… Kris, freakish tall tower, constant face but actually really nice once you got to know him a little. You may know him… He hangs out with Yixing a lot…”

“I saw him once… He’s kind of scary, to be honest.”

“Only at first… He’s always willing to help me with anything so I guess he can’t be too bad… Why are you asking?”

“I was just wondering how you can stay over at the dorm when your boyfriend lives in a double-room…”

“Kris is okay with me being there… I mean… We don’t spend a lot of time together… But I’d count him as one of my friends,” Sehun told his hyung.

“But you sleeping in the same bed as Luhan must be weird for him…”

“No… He even leaves us when he thinks we need some time alone.” Sehun shrugged. “He’s really okay… Like… The roommate everyone, who dates someone, would want!”

“I see… Can I ask something else?”

“Sure…”

“Do you guys have ?”

“Yes…”

“A lot?”

“Depends on what ‘a lot’ is to you…”

“I don’t know… Like…. Every time you meet, I guess…”

“Well… Not every time… It depends… Sometimes we do… Sometimes we have those phases where we prefer to cuddle… Why?”

“I was just curious… Because Kyungsoo told me about him and Jongin… And… I don’t know if you knew that we were dating once… But… We only had … Twice… So I was wondering what the reason was….”

“You were best friends before… I guess that makes it a little awkward… Well… For me it would be a whole lot awkward to sleep with Jongin… It would take me forever to actually do it… Like… Dating would be okay… Kissing would be a little strange… But … No thank you… So that could be a reason… And you were his first… And maybe that was just your style?”

“Or maybe he just didn’t like it…”

“Why is it important anyway? I thought you didn’t like him like that anymore?”

“I don’t… It’s just… If he found me boring… Others would also think that, right?”

“Why? Is there a girl you’re interested in?” Sehun grinned at the older. “Who is she?”

“Kind of…”

“Did you ask her out?”

“NO!”

“Then stop thinking about … You’ll have to at least meet her before sleeping with her,” the teen laughed.

“Sorry, but I worry about stuff like that… I know that I’m a decent kisser… And I know that I could do well as a boyfriend in general… I just don’t know if I’m good enough with everything that goes beyond kissing… I have no confidence in that…”

“You could either ask Kyungsoo… Or just let her teach you what she likes?”

“That sounds so embarrassing,” Joonmyun sighed.

“You could always sleep with me and I could tell you,” Sehun said and shrugged while looking at his nails. It took a few seconds of awkward silence before he looked up to find Joonmyun’s shocked face. “What?”

“You have a boyfriend?!”

“So? He doesn’t need to know…”

“You can’t be serious!”

“Why not?”

“Because… I mean… What happened to ‘being with him feels like home’? That wasn’t too long ago,” Joonmyun almost scolded him.

“I know… But you’re actually not bad-looking… You should take a chance when you get it, right?”

“No… Not chances like that… Not when you really love him!”

“What if I tell you that I’m not so sure about that anymore?” Sehun scooted a little closer and started nibbling at the older’s neck.

“Then… Well... I’m not so sure about that…. Could you stop that, please?”

“Why? You don’t like it?” Sehun slid a hand under Joonmyun’s shirt to play with one of his s.

“No, I don’t! You have a boyfriend… You should stop thinking about doing stuff like that with anyone else…”

“Oh come on… Loosen up a little and have fun,” Sehun smirked before at the smaller’s neck.

“Sehun… I’m serious… Stop that!”

“If you would really want me to stop you would have pushed me away by now…”

“I’d love to… My body just doesn’t think that now is a nice tome to cooperate with my wishes,” Joonmyun grumbled. The grumbling soon turned into a gasp though, when Sehun started to palm him with his other hand.

“Well then… Listen to your body just for today, will you?”

It took about another ten minutes which were spend with passionate kissing and a lot of groping before Joonmyun finally pushed the younger off him and glared at him.

“What is it?” Sehun sounded a little annoyed.

“It’s not fair to play on my hormones… And I’m not going to be a part of your trip to destroying your relationship, Sehun… I don’t know this Luhan guy but he sounded like he was everything you ever wanted just about two weeks ago! Even if he’s not anymore… Could you at least try to think about how he would feel about this? Because I’m pretty sure he didn’t just throw his feelings for you out of the window because he saw someone who’s ‘actually not bad-looking’! Did you even think about what you’re about to ruin? He made your life a lot brighter a week ago and now you’re throwing yourself at me like a cheap ! What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” Sehun looked down. “I don’t know…”

“Then think about it before you do something thoughtless like that again!”

“I’m sorry…”

“Look… I’m not the one you should be apologizing to…”

“I just…”

“Just what, Sehun?”

“I’m going to miss everything when I just stay with him forever, right?” Sehun finally looked back up and it nearly broke Joonmyun’s heart when he saw the tears streaming down the younger’s face.

“What? No… Why?”

“I mean… He dated some people before me… He slept with more people than I’ve ever known… And he… He knows that I’m everything he wants… But I… I can’t know that… Sure it feels nice to be with him… Sure it feels right and everything… But how can I know if he’s the right one? Aren’t I lying when I tell him that I love him and that he’s the only one for me? You know… I could always run into someone else tomorrow… And what if I leave him in a year or two? Wouldn’t it be better to just let go now? Before he gets used to having me around… Wouldn’t it hurt less if I broke up with him now rather than in a few years when we live together and he thinks I’ll stay forever?”

“Who said you’ll leave him in a few years? You can’t know what happens in the future… Neither can he… He could meet someone else as well… When that’s what you’re afraid of… You shouldn’t be in a relationship at all… There’s always the risk of breaking someone’s heart or getting your own heart broken… If you think it’s not worth it… You should just not date anyone at all… Because that’s what settling down is about… Putting the fear of being hurt or hurting someone away for a while because you know, at least for the moment, that it’s not going to happen...” Joonmyun pulled the sobbing boy into his arms.

“But what am I supposed to do now?”

“Maybe you should talk about that with him… Like… Tell him about your fears… And then maybe take a break or something? I don’t know… Maybe you should try seeing someone else… Maybe it would be the worst thing to do… That’s something you have to know yourself… Do you still love him?”

“More than anything else… He means the world to me, you know.” Sehun was still a sobbing mess and Joonmyun tried to calm him down by rubbing his back.

“Then why are you questioning everything you have?”

“I’m just… Afraid of what could be… I don’t want to lose him, Joonmyun... I can’t imagine life without him…”

“Then just stop thinking about what could be… Maybe you won’t love him in a year or two… Maybe you’ll have a huge fight tomorrow… Maybe you’ll stay together until you both die in each other’s arms… One of you could die in an accident… You never know what will come, Sehun… So stop worrying about it.”

“What if I’m going to feel like I missed something because I’ve always only been with him…”

“Then you’re going to feel like you missed something... But it’s never too late to change that… You can always break up with him when the time comes, you know… Just don’t throw everything away because of a few ‘could be’s’… That’s the worst you could do to both of you. You’re only going to end up losing him even though you still love him and I promise you you’d always ask yourself why you were stupid enough to let your fears ruin everything you had…”

“That sounds so right when you say it,” the younger mumbled.

“Because I AM right, Sehun… It would be a waste to let go of something that makes you happy…”

“I’m sorry… For kissing you and stuff…”

“It’s okay… Just… Promise me to never try it again!”

“Why? Am I a bad kisser?”

“No… But you’re taken and I hate nothing more than making out with someone who’s supposed to keep his fingers at his boyfriend…”

“I should probably tell him, right?”

“Yeah… You should… But you don’t have to… I mean… I’m not going to tell him… Of course it would be better to let him know… I could understand it if you won’t tell him though…”

“He’s just going to get worried when I meet you again…”

“It would still be the right thing to do…”

“I’ll think about it,” Sehun promised.

“What if he finds out about it later? Maybe you’re going to tell him when you’re drunk…”

“You know… I once had a friend who told me not to think about all the ‘could be’s’… I’m going to listen to him because his advices always proofed to be very good before…”

“My advice on this is to tell him, Sehun,” the older sighed.

“I know… I just don’t know how to tell him… I cheated on him…”

“I wouldn’t really call it ‘cheating’… Just tell him what you told me before… I’m sure he’ll somehow understand…”

“I’ll try,” Sehun said and took his books out. “Homework?”

“Sure…”

A/N: Have some more of Sehun worrying... And Joonmyun being a nice friend...
I'll go back to studying for the next 234359 exams now xD